Anxiety and Depression VS. Anxious and Depressed

When you tell people you have anxiety, they usually say that they have it too.

Everybody gets anxious. It's a general feeling that pretty much everyone will feel once or many times throughout their life.

When you tell people you have depression, they might say that they feel down at times, too.

Everybody gets depressed. It's a general feeling that pretty much everyone will feel once or many times throughout their life.

Those two terms should be able to be used freely by people who are feeling those ways without people with anxiety and depression jumping down their throats and saying that it's not okay for them to feel that way or without feeling offended.

Of course if you have anxiety and/or depression, you might feel as though things are worst for you, but other people can feel anxious and/or depressed, maybe just not the same way that we do.

I agree that there is a difference, but everyone should be able to express how they feel without someone saying that they "don't know what real depression is like."

However, no one should ever joke about having depression or wanting to commit suicide. I can't believe that it's 2015 -almost 2016- and people are still joking about this serious issue when anyone around them could be pushed over the edge at any moment.

It's sickening.

Everyone gets anxious before speaking in front of the class or before they have to write a test and everyone gets depressed when they lose a loved one or have some sort of traumatic event happen.

Feeling these emotions can cause disruptions in someone's life.

Recently it's been disrupting mine.

To be honest with you all, I don't know what's wrong. I've just been really anxious with school work, I was really anxious with swimming report cards and by the end of the day when I would usually write my blog posts, I just don't have the mental energy to write them.

If anyone read my blog every day when I posted on a regular schedule because they found it therapeutic or simply enjoyed it, I'm sorry for not being back on my schedule, however I'm not in a mental place right now to have a set schedule.

I promise that they will be relatively around the time I used to post my blog posts, every Sunday and Wednesday, but at the moment I'm focusing hard on my mental health and I hope that you can all understand.


One More Girl, no longer online

My Secret: Revealed

I owe you all an explanation.

I love you all more than anything and I think it's time to tell my story. 

It's time to tell you all why I started this blog and why I'm not always posting on Wednesdays like I promised that I would.

Although it's difficult for me to write this today this has been something that I've been wanting to write about for a really long time.

Since October last year, I've felt as though I'm two different people.

The first person being the one that everyone sees, the happy me usually laughing, smiling or telling a joke.

The other being my secret self that only I ever get to experience.

It's hard for me to write this; I've been staring at my computer screen for about three minutes even though I know perfectly well what I want to write.

Right, here it goes.

The day after my 15th birthday back in March, I was diagnosed with depression.

With where the world is at today, it might not be an uncommon thing to hear an you might know a few people with depression, but it's very hard for me to open up about this because this is a factor of my life that I've kept extremely private since being diagnosed.

There are many different types of depression, but when I went to go see my doctor I was not diagnosed with a specific one.

I knew that something wasn't right long before going to the doctor's, but it was only confirmed there.

Admittedly, I was ashamed.

I was upset with myself because I remembered all the movies from when I was little and the depressed person was always an outcast and always viewed in a negative way, so I kept quiet about it all. I didn't want to be viewed the same way those characters on TV were.

I don't want to say that I suffered because I know that other people in the world have worse situations than I do, but I don't know how else to describe it.

I went through my days with a smile that couldn't reach my eyes, I had a lack of motivation for school work and whenever I didn't want to go to a softball practice, it would always because I was "feeling sick". I was too ashamed to even admit my depression to my parents even though they knew.

The later part of the year has been better for me so far, but even then things can get difficult.

Teaching swimming lessons can be extremely difficult. I have to be happy and smiling for three hours, it's part of my job. Somedays I'll wake up and immediately know how difficult its going to be, but I just push through it.

Having depression can be like a constant roller coaster. You're enjoying the climb up, but the next second you can feel your stomach drop and you have the urge to scream.

I have good days where I'm barely affected by my depression, but I have harder days where getting out of bed is a challenge.

Yes, I can be tired on Wednesdays, but I can also have a lack of motivation and a lack of energy where I can't write a post.

Writing this tonight was very difficult and emotionally draining for me. I stopped a few times and had a few cries, but that's the truth behind this post. 

I want to share this with you all today because I understand.

I understand what it's like to feel like your life is not going anywhere.
I understand what it's like to have no motivation.
I understand what it's like to cry over a simply school project.
I understand what it's like to have depression.

Kevin Breel once said "When you tell people you break your arm, they come running forward to sign the cast. When you tell them you have depression, they turn around and run the other way."

And I felt as though I couldn't agree more.

I want to change that.

Just because I have depression doesn't mean I'm less of a person. 

Having depression doesn't mean that I'm not just as valuable as someone without depression.

It's time to stop tiptoeing around depression. It is a subject we need to address.

It's time to make a point of it and let people know that they aren't alone.

My secret is out and you can always email me at onemoregirlonlineadvice@gmail.com if you every want to get something off your chest in a non-judgement zone.

It's time to start talking about mental health because wherever in the world that you are; you are not alone.

My secret is out and honestly, it feels great. It's something that's been a secret of mine for ages, so I'm relieved to be able to get that off my chest.


One More Girl, no longer online

Reaching Out

Since the summer, my anxiety levels have been a roller coaster.

During the summer, I would have good days and bad days, but it always felt as though the bad days outnumbered the good.

I would be stressed over everything, I would kick myself for every little thing done wrong and I just felt as though I was letting everyone down the whole summer.

That's a lot on one person's shoulders.

The whole summer long I felt as though I was letting everyone down and I didn't talk to anyone about it.

I felt so alone for three months, but I couldn't ask someone for help.

I felt as though I couldn't ask someone for help because I didn't think other people would understand. I thought that they would compare my constant anxiety to stressing out over a test that you only became nervous for a few minutes before you receive the test.

I felt as though I was always on edge and that anything could set me off.

It went on for so long that it became a normal feeling to me.

That's not okay.

I didn't do much to change things, but I did start to talk to people more, I started to say how I truly felt from time to time and it felt pretty good.

I knew that I'm defiantly not the only person who deals with anxiety in the world, but I felt as though I was the only person in MY world, meaning my social groups.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Did you know that nowadays, about one person out of three deals with a mental illness of some sort?

That's insane, it's absolutely insane. One person out of every three? That could be your mother, father, brother, sister, cousin, best friend, teacher, classmate, it can be anyone and you don't know who because you can't always see a mental illness.

I went to the movies tonight with two of my good friends, and at one point, one of them left about two thirds into the movie.

I figured at first that he was just going to the washroom, but as time went on, I got more and more worried about him.

I hid my phone so I wouldn't disturb anyone else and then I sent him a text to see if everything was alright.

He kept telling me that everything was fine, but when I saw him after the movie ended, I knew something was wrong.

I'm not going to go into detail about the story because it's not mine to tell, but in the long run, my friend was outside getting some air.

He told me that he thought it was better out there than in the theatre and that's okay.

He needed fresh air, he needed time to himself and that's okay, my other friend and I understood completely! Of course we wanted to make sure that he was okay, but we also don't want to push anything.

He texted me after we all got home and we talked about it and how he'll always have my support.

I was so proud of him because he was talking about it to me, he was reaching out and trusting me.

That's exactly what he have to do more. We need to trust the people in our lives a little bit more, we need to open up if we ever feel too stressed or worried or anything else and we need to reach out.

If you ever need someone to reach out to and don't know who, I will always accept emails and help out whoever and however I can at the email address onemoregirlonlineadvice@gmail.com

I can promise you that someone will always be there, whether it's myself or someone within your social group, willing to reach out to you too.

One More Girl, no longer online