Anxiety and Depression VS. Anxious and Depressed

When you tell people you have anxiety, they usually say that they have it too.

Everybody gets anxious. It's a general feeling that pretty much everyone will feel once or many times throughout their life.

When you tell people you have depression, they might say that they feel down at times, too.

Everybody gets depressed. It's a general feeling that pretty much everyone will feel once or many times throughout their life.

Those two terms should be able to be used freely by people who are feeling those ways without people with anxiety and depression jumping down their throats and saying that it's not okay for them to feel that way or without feeling offended.

Of course if you have anxiety and/or depression, you might feel as though things are worst for you, but other people can feel anxious and/or depressed, maybe just not the same way that we do.

I agree that there is a difference, but everyone should be able to express how they feel without someone saying that they "don't know what real depression is like."

However, no one should ever joke about having depression or wanting to commit suicide. I can't believe that it's 2015 -almost 2016- and people are still joking about this serious issue when anyone around them could be pushed over the edge at any moment.

It's sickening.

Everyone gets anxious before speaking in front of the class or before they have to write a test and everyone gets depressed when they lose a loved one or have some sort of traumatic event happen.

Feeling these emotions can cause disruptions in someone's life.

Recently it's been disrupting mine.

To be honest with you all, I don't know what's wrong. I've just been really anxious with school work, I was really anxious with swimming report cards and by the end of the day when I would usually write my blog posts, I just don't have the mental energy to write them.

If anyone read my blog every day when I posted on a regular schedule because they found it therapeutic or simply enjoyed it, I'm sorry for not being back on my schedule, however I'm not in a mental place right now to have a set schedule.

I promise that they will be relatively around the time I used to post my blog posts, every Sunday and Wednesday, but at the moment I'm focusing hard on my mental health and I hope that you can all understand.


One More Girl, no longer online

My Secret: Revealed

I owe you all an explanation.

I love you all more than anything and I think it's time to tell my story. 

It's time to tell you all why I started this blog and why I'm not always posting on Wednesdays like I promised that I would.

Although it's difficult for me to write this today this has been something that I've been wanting to write about for a really long time.

Since October last year, I've felt as though I'm two different people.

The first person being the one that everyone sees, the happy me usually laughing, smiling or telling a joke.

The other being my secret self that only I ever get to experience.

It's hard for me to write this; I've been staring at my computer screen for about three minutes even though I know perfectly well what I want to write.

Right, here it goes.

The day after my 15th birthday back in March, I was diagnosed with depression.

With where the world is at today, it might not be an uncommon thing to hear an you might know a few people with depression, but it's very hard for me to open up about this because this is a factor of my life that I've kept extremely private since being diagnosed.

There are many different types of depression, but when I went to go see my doctor I was not diagnosed with a specific one.

I knew that something wasn't right long before going to the doctor's, but it was only confirmed there.

Admittedly, I was ashamed.

I was upset with myself because I remembered all the movies from when I was little and the depressed person was always an outcast and always viewed in a negative way, so I kept quiet about it all. I didn't want to be viewed the same way those characters on TV were.

I don't want to say that I suffered because I know that other people in the world have worse situations than I do, but I don't know how else to describe it.

I went through my days with a smile that couldn't reach my eyes, I had a lack of motivation for school work and whenever I didn't want to go to a softball practice, it would always because I was "feeling sick". I was too ashamed to even admit my depression to my parents even though they knew.

The later part of the year has been better for me so far, but even then things can get difficult.

Teaching swimming lessons can be extremely difficult. I have to be happy and smiling for three hours, it's part of my job. Somedays I'll wake up and immediately know how difficult its going to be, but I just push through it.

Having depression can be like a constant roller coaster. You're enjoying the climb up, but the next second you can feel your stomach drop and you have the urge to scream.

I have good days where I'm barely affected by my depression, but I have harder days where getting out of bed is a challenge.

Yes, I can be tired on Wednesdays, but I can also have a lack of motivation and a lack of energy where I can't write a post.

Writing this tonight was very difficult and emotionally draining for me. I stopped a few times and had a few cries, but that's the truth behind this post. 

I want to share this with you all today because I understand.

I understand what it's like to feel like your life is not going anywhere.
I understand what it's like to have no motivation.
I understand what it's like to cry over a simply school project.
I understand what it's like to have depression.

Kevin Breel once said "When you tell people you break your arm, they come running forward to sign the cast. When you tell them you have depression, they turn around and run the other way."

And I felt as though I couldn't agree more.

I want to change that.

Just because I have depression doesn't mean I'm less of a person. 

Having depression doesn't mean that I'm not just as valuable as someone without depression.

It's time to stop tiptoeing around depression. It is a subject we need to address.

It's time to make a point of it and let people know that they aren't alone.

My secret is out and you can always email me at onemoregirlonlineadvice@gmail.com if you every want to get something off your chest in a non-judgement zone.

It's time to start talking about mental health because wherever in the world that you are; you are not alone.

My secret is out and honestly, it feels great. It's something that's been a secret of mine for ages, so I'm relieved to be able to get that off my chest.


One More Girl, no longer online

Reaching Out

Since the summer, my anxiety levels have been a roller coaster.

During the summer, I would have good days and bad days, but it always felt as though the bad days outnumbered the good.

I would be stressed over everything, I would kick myself for every little thing done wrong and I just felt as though I was letting everyone down the whole summer.

That's a lot on one person's shoulders.

The whole summer long I felt as though I was letting everyone down and I didn't talk to anyone about it.

I felt so alone for three months, but I couldn't ask someone for help.

I felt as though I couldn't ask someone for help because I didn't think other people would understand. I thought that they would compare my constant anxiety to stressing out over a test that you only became nervous for a few minutes before you receive the test.

I felt as though I was always on edge and that anything could set me off.

It went on for so long that it became a normal feeling to me.

That's not okay.

I didn't do much to change things, but I did start to talk to people more, I started to say how I truly felt from time to time and it felt pretty good.

I knew that I'm defiantly not the only person who deals with anxiety in the world, but I felt as though I was the only person in MY world, meaning my social groups.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Did you know that nowadays, about one person out of three deals with a mental illness of some sort?

That's insane, it's absolutely insane. One person out of every three? That could be your mother, father, brother, sister, cousin, best friend, teacher, classmate, it can be anyone and you don't know who because you can't always see a mental illness.

I went to the movies tonight with two of my good friends, and at one point, one of them left about two thirds into the movie.

I figured at first that he was just going to the washroom, but as time went on, I got more and more worried about him.

I hid my phone so I wouldn't disturb anyone else and then I sent him a text to see if everything was alright.

He kept telling me that everything was fine, but when I saw him after the movie ended, I knew something was wrong.

I'm not going to go into detail about the story because it's not mine to tell, but in the long run, my friend was outside getting some air.

He told me that he thought it was better out there than in the theatre and that's okay.

He needed fresh air, he needed time to himself and that's okay, my other friend and I understood completely! Of course we wanted to make sure that he was okay, but we also don't want to push anything.

He texted me after we all got home and we talked about it and how he'll always have my support.

I was so proud of him because he was talking about it to me, he was reaching out and trusting me.

That's exactly what he have to do more. We need to trust the people in our lives a little bit more, we need to open up if we ever feel too stressed or worried or anything else and we need to reach out.

If you ever need someone to reach out to and don't know who, I will always accept emails and help out whoever and however I can at the email address onemoregirlonlineadvice@gmail.com

I can promise you that someone will always be there, whether it's myself or someone within your social group, willing to reach out to you too.

One More Girl, no longer online 

Take The Time To Relax

I know that I have the biggest softball tournament of the year coming up in about a week and I still have a bad ankle, but when my friend asked me to sub for him and teach swimming lessons, I couldn't refuse.

In the facility I work in, there's a rule that states teachers have to leave their work sheets at the pool in case an emergency comes up and you can't make it in, someone can cover your shift and know what to teach the kids.

My friend doesn't leave his stuff there, everyone knows it but it's not really been a problem until recently.

Awhile back ago, I had to write his report cards for him because he didn't leave his stuff at the facility and no one could get ahold of him to see if he did them or not.

I stayed back to do them, an good thing I did because he never did them.

I got a text from him today asking if I could sub for him today, and as I mentioned before, I agreed.

I asked him what the classes were and where the worksheets/lesson plans were, but I didn't get all the information.

He told me the levels that I were to teach in order and the names (or the majority of the names) of the kids in each class, but I didn't have an lesson plans.

I would've gone over to his house to pick them up, but I couldn't because he was out of town by the time he asked me to sub for him.

I understand that it's not necessarily his fault that I couldn't get the lesson plans, maybe some last minute emergency came up and he couldn't make it into work today, but it's not my responsibility to write some up, for someone else's classes, either.

If there's a rule that says leave them in the work place, leave them in the work place and make it easier for someone who will cover a shift for you.

Either way, I went in early and made up some lesson plans before the classes.

I felt as though the classes I taught weren't well done because I was constantly saying "Um..", reading the lesson plan that I wrote in a rush to have one for each class, and I just wasn't confident in what I was saying.

Had I had lesson plans that were already made, I could've studied them and know what I was doing better, but I didn't have lesson plans and I didn't feel confident in what I was teaching.

When I got home, I have no other way to explain it other than I wasn't feeling all that great and it was because of my teaching shift.

You could say that I felt down about it, but I was also tired and frustrated, so overall I wasn't in a good mood.

It was as if I was disappointed in myself.

Something I realized today is that it's alright to be in a foul mood once you finish something or once you get home.

It's okay to go take a bath and relax, it's okay to stay in your bedroom alone, it's okay to listen to music so loud that you can't hear anything else, anything you want to do that can either distract you it help you relax from whatever event could've taken place.

When I get in a foul mood, I usually don't want to talk to anyone, and you don't have to. However, I would recommend for someone else's sake that if you don't want to talk to anyone yet you get a phone all or a text, tell them something along the lines of "Hey, I'm not feeling all that great at the moment, can I get back to you later?"

That way, you aren't hurting anyone, you aren't making others think that you're ignoring them and its a really polite way to say that you need some space for awhile.

You don't owe anyone anything and you don't have to pretend to be all cheerful when you're honestly in a foul mood, everyone gets that way at times.

Take whatever time you need to just breathe and relax because you owe that to yourself.

i've said this many times before, but your own health comes first, so don't feel as though you have to entertain for other people because you don't.

Take a moment for yourself, and make that moment however long you need it to be.


One More Girl, no longer online

Things We Need To Tell Ourselves More Often

As humans, we need feedback to learn. No matter what the case is; whether it's in sports performances or work performances, we need someone to give us constructive criticism to improve in whatever field we're performing in.

Usually, you won't hear negative feedback. People tend to only give you criticism on a specific field when they want to help you improve. They care about you and they want to make sure that you reach your full potential. When they give you constructive criticism, it's a good thing. They'll highlight something that you are doing well and remind you to do something specific to help you reach your full potential. They tell you how to improve something to build you up, not tear you down.

Constructive criticism is a great thing, yet it's not always constructive/positive. 

We usually go to get constructive criticism from someone who is in a higher rank than ourselves, so for an example as a sports player, I'll look for feedback from my coach. As a new employee, I'll look for feedback from someone who's been working there longer than I have or even my manager.

Although getting feedback from someone else, I find that no one is harder on ourselves then us ourselves.

People tend to be hard on themselves for different reasons. 

Some might do it because they didn't feel loved/praised enough. If their parents would brush off ever accomplishment that they did, they would work hard and criticism themselves to make everything perfect just to hear the praise that they deserve. 

They might feel as though they haven't accomplished anything great in their life and will work and criticism themselves until they feel as though they've done something great.

They could be hard on themselves because they feel useless or have been wrongfully led to think so. They don't feel happy with anything that they've done so they criticism themselves harshly until they feel successful enough.

After thinking about that for a little bit today I realize that they're so many things that people should hear every once in awhile, or even everyday, that they don't often hear. 

Here are a few things we need to tell ourselves more:

1) Things don't change overnight.
Whether you're trying to change the way you do something sports related (for say, changing your technique on mechanics) or change the way you look to be happier with your body, that change will come. Changing things takes time and that's often something we forget. It's okay to get frustrated every once and awhile, but we must remember that things change a different rates, so do not feel bad if you can't accomplish something for a set date. If you happen to miss your goal by a set date, that's okay! You're human! Set a new date and work towards that goal instead of getting yourself down and beating yourself up.

2) Everyone makes mistakes, I'm not the only one.
Some people feel as though that as soon as they make a mistake, they're suddenly pathetic. 
That's not the case.
As much as you probably don't believe it or as much as you doubt it, everyone makes mistakes. Our friends, parents, teachers, role models, strangers that you see on the streets, everyone. Everyone makes mistakes. It's possible to make a mistake on a basic math question, but hey! That happens! Mistakes happen and you learn from them. They aren't the end of the world; if anything, they make us more determined to do better. They shouldn't eat at you until you tear yourself apart.

3) I can't control this, so I'll work with it.
If there's somewhere you need to be at a set time, yet you're stuck in traffic, there's no point in worrying and stressing over it. Traffic is something out of your control, it's not your fault, so don't make yourself believe that it is. I know people (including myself) who will stress over things out of their control. In situations where you don't have control, work with what's given to you. If you're getting sick and can't risk missing school, go see your teachers and see what you can bring home to stay up to date or go to the store to get things that will make you feel better. You can't avoid getting sick, so do something that will help you during that time.

Those are my three tips for today, maybe I'll make another post like this later on and remind you of three more things that we have to tell ourselves more often.

Something that I want to add in and tell you in case you haven't heard it recently is that I'm proud of you.

Everyone here has gotten to this time of their life in different ways and have had their own challenges. No matter how big or small they are, challenges are challenges and congratulations for surpassing them. I know that sometimes it's hard to do and I'm proud of you for getting here.


One More Girl, no longer online

Health Matters

If I'm going to be honest with you guys, I might as well admit this.

For probably the last year, I haven't had my priorities set straight at all.

When I say that, I mean that not even my own needs were at the top of my priorities.

I'm the type of person who will feel as though it's their fault if one of their friends aren't prepared for a school test or project and still offer to help them study or finish the project even if they know fully well that they should be study or spending time working on their project.

I have often put other people before myself.

Although I gave that example, the one that is currently present in my life at the moment is still involving school and myself.

For the past year, I have been putting school in front of my own health.

I have thrown away my sleep schedule for my school work and in the result of that, I've made myself sick. Of course, when I was sick, I would miss a day or two of school putting my behind in class work, staying up late to get all my work done and it's just a vicious circle.

I caught a cold on Monday, so I stayed home today. My best friend texted me to tell me that we have a project due in science class and to remind me of a math test and English essay coming up.

Even though I'm at home, sick, I couldn't think much of anything else except for the school work I have soon. I couldn't even focus on my own recovery.

Even though it's the end of the school year, classes have yet to slow down.

The worst for me is that I'm a perfectionist. If my work isn't as perfect as I believe it can be, I will stay up all night to get it perfect and then go to school as if I had eight hours of sleep.

I have let the idea of school and every single grade completely ruling my future that I'm slowly letting it ruin my health.

If it weren't for my parents, I probably wouldn't have any energy at this point of the year.

In the past, I have had teachers be angry at me for not having the homework to hand in, yet once I reminded them that I was sick the previous day, it was suddenly alright.

What if I have a panic or anxiety attack that evening and can't get my work done? The teachers would still be angry because I can't come straight out and tell them why I couldn't get it done, so the answer has to be "I just couldn't get it done," and if they ask why, then that's an automatic "I forgot about it."

It's not fair that it's been drilled into students' minds, or at least mine, that school work and homework are so important that our own health should be forgotten.

I shouldn't have my mindset on an English essay or math homework when I still get dizzy after standing up.

It will be hard to change things now, but by next year, hopefully I'll always be able to remember that no work is more important than my own health.

I'm going to have my priorities straight for next year.


One More Girl, no longer online

A Few Thoughts On School

Since middle school started, it's never been my favourite thing.

Then again, I don't think that many students do enjoy school.

As I've expressed in my post School and Cameras, I find that some rules are unfair in the school system.

As far as rules go, I can't say I'm all that happy about them.

There's that whole dress code thing which is a little ridiculous because they're quite sexist. Boys can wear muscle tank tops, but as soon as girls wear them, shoulders are suddenly a major turn on for everyone.

And then there's the whole problem that companies don't make athletic shorts for girls that are an appropriate length, therefore I can't wear the only comfortable shorts I own.

Getting a little off track with what I wanted to mainly write this post about, but they're still my thoughts on things involving school.

Now what I wanted to talk about are the classes themselves.

Throughout the years, they teach you things which they build on the following years. I think that's great, that's a good way to go about things.

The thing that bugs me is that most teachers complain about having too much material to teach and they feel as though they're going to run out of time, but why do they have to teach the unreasonable things?

I'm going to specify on what's going on at my school at the moment, but this could apply to you in any subject.

Currently in gym class, we're doing dance and gymnastics.

Like I said before, school tend to teach you something in one year and build on it the following years.

The question I have is why am I still doing dance and gymnastics when I did it back in grade 3?

I understand that I don't have a choice as to what teachers have to teach, but I should have a choice in how I present things.

For my dance and gymnastics module, the last thing we have to do is perform a dance that's roughly a minute long that you and your partner created in front of the class.

Doing that is something I'm extremely uncomfortable with.

I have expressed that I'm really uncomfortable with this to my teacher before, but "because everyone else is doing it, so do I."

Has anyone else approached her with the same feeling about it? I don't know, but if a student is extremely uncomfortable doing something in front of the class, they should be aloud to do it some other way, whether it's in front of the teacher alone or you don't have the whole class intently staring at them while doing it.

If I were to roll my ankle or injure myself in any way in between now and the day that I have to dance in front of the class, then I get a free pass. I don't have to do the dance, nor will I have to make up for it later.

If I were to go up to my teacher and say that I'm extremely uncomfortable, I'll most likely be told that everyone gets nervous yet everyone else before me did it.

I'm sorry, but if something is causing my internal distress, there should be something done about it!

Teachers say that school should be a safe and fun learning environment. If I'm being put into a situation of internal distress, that should be taken into consideration. Something should be done to make the student more comfortable.

Just because I don't have any physical problem such as a broken bone doesn't mean that I'm not struggling on the inside.

With the way the world is going in this day and age, teachers should be trained on how to deal with these types of situations.

Your comfort level is not something to be tossed around with. If something is happen that you're really not comfortable with, try anything you can to find a solution.


One More Girl, no longer online

Anxiety Attack And Amazing Teammates

Whenever I'm in a tight situation, I usually work myself up.

I can work myself up over the smallest details and make those small details seem like the biggest life changing events.

It's fair to say that I feel anxious a lot and sometimes, that feeling of anxiety gets to be too much.

Although panic attacks and anxiety attacks are quite similar, there are a few difference.

An anxiety attack is often the reaction of a stressor. It's like you're at the peak of a roller coaster ride, seeing the big drop ahead of you. With anxiety attacks, you may feel fearful or apprehensive. Your heart could start to race, you may feel short of breath, but anxiety attacks tend to be short lived. When the stressor, meaning if the event that is causing the stressor goes away or you yourself physically remove yourself from the situation, you can get the anxiety attack under control.

Panic attacks don't come in reaction with a stressor. They tend to be unprovoked and unpredictable. During one, the person could be seized with terror, fear or apprehensive. The person having the attack could feel as if they're going to die, lose control or have a heart attack. Symptoms of a panic attack are chest pains, shortness of breath, dizziness and nausea.

After explaining both of those, I can say that I've experienced both of them.

I was away at a softball tournament this weekend when I had an anxiety attack.

We were playing a game to go to the gold medal championship game and I was doing terrible.

The anxiety started at the start of the tournament. I didn't hit at all, so that made me start to panic a little bit. We were pretty tight on the score board, we were only ahead by three runs and I failed two of the most important plays I had the whole weekend.

I was playing first base and I missed the first ball for an easy out and I let one go by in the dirt. At one point, I had the ball and a girl was running to home, but I waited too long to throw the ball and she was safe. I was supposed to go to first base the next inning also, but my coach switched me out. I can't blame him, he just wanted the best for the team.

I, however, felt as if I let the whole team down.

I couldn't do anything right, how could they even say good job to the person who let the run in?

I sat on the bench and one girl noticed I was being hard on myself and looked upset, so she made sure I was okay.

At that point, I was still trying I choke everything down. She sat in the bench not too far from me, but I kept working myself up because I knew that I had to go bat and I didn't hit at all this tournament.

The girl who made sure I was okay looked over at me, and before I knew it, I snapped.

I felt a ball in my throat and my stomach. I felt as if I was going to be sick, I couldn't breath properly, my heart felt as if it was pounding in my chest.

The girl came over and just sat in front of me and told me to breath while patting my leg. There were two other girls sitting next to me, but they didn't say anything. They just also wanted to make sure I was okay.

The girl stayed with me until I was able to calm myself down and she was a big help. She told me that she knew what it was like, so whether the fact that she's experienced them herself or has a friend who has anxiety or panic attacks is unknown to me.

She had to go up to bat, so she asked the two other girls to watch over me in a nice way. They didn't ask why it happened, what caused it, they didn't asked anything about what just happened. They simply asked if I was okay it or if I needed anything.

Needless to say, I was slightly ashamed that my teammates saw that, I never wanted any of them to know that I experience anxiety attacks, but in the end they found out. They didn't care, they didn't mock me. They did what teammates do and they helped me and I couldn't be more grateful then that.

Once I got back on my feet, I walked to the other end of the dugout and one girl who must've saw what was happening also asked if I was alright. Once again, she didn't ask what happened, why it happened or what that was, but she only asked if I was doing alright.

I just want to say that just because that's my story, that doesn't mean that it's everyone else's.

If you know someone who's having an anxiety or panic attack, there's many ways to help, but it will all depend on the person.

• Some people won't mind if you touch them, but for others it might make the situation worse. Always ask them before you touch them in any way.

• Don't think about what you would like done in that situation, but focus on what the person having the attack needs.

• If they ask for some space, give it to them. It's absolutely nothing to be offended about. Some people deal with them on their own and have their own way of calming themselves down, but they might feel the need to be alone for it. If they ask you to leave, you can still keep an eye on them! Don't feel as if they don't want you around because that just not be what they need at the moment.

• Ask them before you bring someone else to the situation. I know myself that I hate attention on me, especially if it's when I have an attack, so if you want to bring someone else in to help them, always ask them. Say something like "Hey, is it okay if ______ comes over here?" If they can't talk, the person might nod or shake their head. If they don't give you a reply, it would probably be best to take it as a no.

The information I received for the differences between a panic and anxiety attack is from a health website, but the bullet points are from my own person experiences.

This was a little personal for me to write about, but I hope that at least one of you will be able to take something away from it.

To all those who have anxiety or experience panic attacks and don't want to leave a comment or feel as if you dot have anyone to talk to about this, you can always send me an email at onemoregirlonline@gmail.com and I'll be there for you.

In the end, my team went undefeated at the tournament and went home with the gold and I found out just how truly amazing my teammates are.


One More Girl, no longer online

Weekend Without Wisdom Teeth

I have to say that the surgery was a lot better than I thought it would be.

I went to the hospital clinic to get my wisdom teeth taken out at around 11:00am, but I felt the effects for the whole day. I spent all of Friday without being able to feel my bottom lip or chin.

The surgery itself went great.

I was terrified going in, but they gave me the IV and I was out of it. I don't actually remember what happened, so I don't know if I fell asleep or not. The only thing I can remember from it is that it felt like it took ten minutes (when in reality it lasted almost an hour) and the only thing I could feel was light scrapping. 

I do have videos and photos, but to keep this blog anonymous, I unfortunately can't post them. I might do it later on in the future, but for now they'll stay on my phone.

I was apparently quite the entertainment on the car ride home, though. My mom was having a good laugh while my dad tried to keep us on the road and to not swerve from laughing.

It wasn't all that pleasant for Saturday and Sunday, however.

I couldn't (still can't) open my mouth more than halfway because the stitches stop you from doing that, so I can only have liquids, jello, pudding, yogurt or Kraft Dinner. I haven't eaten a proper meal since Thursday, but you have to do what you have to do.

As a kid, you'd think that that would be the perfect meal, having food like that all the time, but as a teen, it's not. I can't wait to have chicken, salad and rice again.

I'm still really swollen. I honestly do look like a chipmunk at the moment, still. Apparently, the swelling gets worse during the 24-48 hours following the surgery, and my cheeks definitely swelled up on Saturday.

Currently, I'm dealing with two uneven cheeks, so my left is more swollen that my right.

It's not even something that I'm self conscious about. I think it's funny! I know I look different, but that's okay! It will go back to normal soon enough.

In the end, I'm a teen girl who looks like a chipmunk with nuts stored in one half of the mouth on a terrible eating plan, but I'm alive.

I made it through the surgery and realized that I had nothing to fear. The doctors knew what they were doing. It's me who has to learn how to trust professionals a little more.


One More Girl, no longer online

Messages In Different Formats

Over centuries, messages have been delivered in many different formats.

Messages can be expressed in the form of music, art, quotes, rallies/protest, letters, stories, facial expression, photos and poetry.

There's so many ways to get one message across...it's amazing if you think about it.

Personally, music is a big one for me because you can interpret the message from the lyrics and also the instrumental music. With some songs, it can be sad lyrics yet an upbeat tempo and I find that the message getting across is that someone can be feeling the most intense pain ever, but they always try to cover it up by being happy or not drawing attention to it.

With art, people love that because there's the artist intentions of the message and then the viewers interruption of the message.

It's the same for photos, really. Maybe my reason for taking the photo is different than what you think was my reason to.

Whenever getting a message across had to do with words on a page, so letters, quotes or stories, there's always the literal message and then the message you read in between the lines.

I've never been great a deciphering the messages in poetry. I know that there's always a second meaning to every poem, but I focus more on the one right in front of me.

When I hear or read the poem for the first time, I really do understand the literal meaning of the message, but it will take me a few times to understand the hidden message.

That's why I like direct poems.

I love poems where I don't have to figure out the message. I love poems that when I hear or read it once, I can't stop thinking about it, it's running through my mind for the rest of the day.

There's this one poem I heard awhile ago and ever since then, I've probably listened to it once each day.

The poem is called 21 by Patrick Roche.

It's the poem about how having an alcoholic family member has affected the different years of his life. More so, what he remembers what happened during different years of his life.

We hear stories about people being alcoholics and how families are negatively affected, yet we never quite understand to what extent the family members are affected in bad cases.

When I heard this poem for the first time, my stomach dropped.

I had this knot in my stomach that wouldn't go away.

I can't say that because I heard this poem, I know what his experience was like because in all reality, I don't. What I got out of the poem is what it's really like for them, how bad a relapse affects everyone.

When you read something yourself, you can picture it in your mind, but it's also easier to forget.

When you hear someone else read what they wrote or tell a story of their own experience, you can feel the emotions that they felt. They have passion and truth behind each word that they say. You can't forget their words, no matter what.

So to leave you guys, here's the video of the poem that I watched. If you've watched it already, let me know what you thought of it! If you've never watched it before, please take a minute to watch it, I promise that it's worth it.

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Meeting New People

Awhile back ago, I wrote a post called So Many People, Yet So Alone. If you haven't read it yet, the main concept was that I was never that "go-to friend" and that even though I'm surrounded by all these people called friends, I've never felt so alone before.

At the end, I encouraged people who might feel the same way to go and talk to people. I encouraged them to go out and talk to someone that they're comfortable around, someone who makes them feel good and that it's someone that you're genuinely happy to be around.

Last weekend, I had this conference that I attended to so I could learn more about the IB (International Baccalaureate) program and how it could affect my acceptance at a university, how it would help prepare me for universities and things along those lines,

As I've previously mentioned, I'm currently apart of the French school board. We only have two schools in the same area, so as they usually do, the teachers combined the 23 students from my school with 4 other students (two boys and two girls) from the second French school.

On the way there, I didn't really talk to anyone. I was quite content with reading my book.

When we got closer to the hotel, I found out that I was sharing a room with the only three other girls that were in my grade and also at my school. Everyone was down the same hallway, so I only had to walk about three or four doors down to be at one of the boys' room. 

One of my guy friends was in his room with one other kid from my class and the two kids from the other French school.

At one point, my guy friend decided to go take a walk around the hotel, so I saw this as the perfect opportunity to play a small prank on him.

While you're away on a school trip at a small hotel, there's not much you can do for a grand prank, so I stuck with the classic one of toilet papering his half of the bed.

It was the other guy in my class who opened the door, so when I explained to him what I wanted to do, he was all in for it! It was only when I walked into the room that I noticed the two other boys from the other French school were also there.

While I was setting the toilet paper in place, I started talking with the both of them. One was slightly older than me, but the other one is the same age as me.

We talked, exchanged numbers and we've been texting for a little bit. 

I'm currently in a group chat with him, my guy friend and my best friend.

It's actually pretty funny! I really do enjoy talking to him, he seems like a fun guy to be around. 

The only thing that slightly gets to me is that I feel as though I've texted him more in five days than I have with my so-called best friends since the start of the year.

I told you guys to feel free and send your story in or leave your story in a comment and I would write a post about mine. Here it is.

I got out there, I talked to someone who I feel comfortable enough to be around and I enjoy talking to him. 

Of course there's still a lot to learn, I've barely known him for a week, but its a pretty great feeling when you make a new friend.


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No Need For Envy

When I looked up the definition of envy, I got two answers; the noun version and the verb.

1. A feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.
2. desire to have a quality, possession, or other desirable attribute belonging to (someone else).

Envy is a feeling that I've experienced often. I've always compared myself to other people, whether it's sports or music related, I've never been the best and I'm envious of people better than me, but the push me to do more, practice harder. If you ask me, that's a healthy way to us envy to your advantage.

I've recently been finding myself experiencing envy in a more so negative way.

I enjoy talent shows, whether they're school shows or shows on TV such as Britain's Got Talent, I find them interesting. 

People have so many interesting and awesome talents, but I wish I could have them.

I play the guitar and whenever I hear someone my age play something amazing, I get envious and I want to practice until I can play like they do. I think that's normal, who hasn't wished that they could do something that they already do but do it like someone else?

Whenever I see some amazing dance or gymnastic routine, I usually always think "Oh my God, I wish that I could do that!" But thats when I remember that I hate dancing and have never done serious gymnastics.

I can't help myself, what these people are doing is nothing less than amazing! I want to use my talents in the way that they do, yet I still feel as though I have to discover some of them.

If you get envious over someone and you later on realize that you have nothing to be envious of because you don't do the same thing at all, that;s okay!

If you're like me, you'll find your own talent someday! We don't have to feel the need of having something that we alone can do, if we could, who would be there to help you get even better at it?

Until I find a talent in which I want to carry out with, I'll try to avoid talent shows and I'll continue to be able to wiggle my ears.

Anyone else have a few fun secret talents? Let me know! I'll try my best not to be envious.


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Injuries And Recoveries

Sunday afternoon, I had a softball practice. I love playing softball, I have been playing for about 7-9 years now and I'm still loving the sport.

The only downside to it, which is normal, are injuries.

I have received a few injuries before. I've hurt my knee, elbow, shoulder and I've broken my thumb during a game. Those aren't all that big, they're average injuries.

If you see someone with a finger split or two finger taped together, you'll don't think twice about it. The other injuries I've had, it was easy to hide/cover up what I needed to help recover (physiotherapy tape, braces, etc.) from the injury.

During that practice, I ended up either damaging or straining (I can't really remember if I'm being honest) the muscle running from my wrist to my elbow.

It's a pretty long muscle if you think about it, that calls for a lot of physiotherapy tape.

I currently have black and blue tape from between my fingers, over my hand, all the way up to my elbow and even a little bit past it.

Tonight I went to the gym with my dad, and to say I was uncomfortable was a little bit of an understatement.

Because I was wearing a t-shirt, you could see all of the tape. For the reason of it being physiotherapy tape and you don't know why people have it, you tend to look and wonder.

In other words, stare.

I got quite a few looks from people. They all seemed to want to know the same answer to the same question: What could you have possibly done to yourself or what situation could you have been in when that happened?

I was uncomfortable with people looking at me and looking at the tape. It wasn't something that I enjoyed, but then I realized something.

They don't have to know anything.

If people looking at the tape on my arm means that I'm getting what I need to make a recovery soon, then so be it.

Although it is embarrassing to have people look at you and wonder about your story, isn't it so much better to not think about that and focus on your own recovery?

No matter what the situation is for your injury or illness that you're recovering from, those strangers don't play a single role in your recovery.

Strangers don't and won't know every single detail in your life. If you have to wear something out in public that might draw attention to you, do it.

If it helps you get better, then you should do it! You're not going to see those people ever again.

Take your own health into your own hands and ignore what looks you could possibly be given.

Please do your best to look after yourself. It's important that you do.


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Fears

Fears are silly things if we think about them.

Scientist say that if we didn't fear things, we wouldn't be alive. Fear is the general response for when we're in a potentially dangerous situation or we feel threatened.

I've constantly heard, and have been told a few times myself, that we have to get over our fears.

I don't think that we have to.

Depending on what you're afraid of, fear shows our values. They let us express what we're afraid to lose, things we cherish, and what we're afraid of what may be/what hasn't happened yet without having to go into a huge speech as to why. We don't have to explain ourselves when we're afraid of something.

For example, a fear of mine is to never be able to have kids. That's something that hasn't happened yet, but with that one little fact about me, you can already tell some of my values for the future: Start a family and be the best mom I could be. 

I feel as though that's a rational fear. It's something that I don't have 100% control over and could change what little of my future I already have planned. 

An irrational fear I had when I was younger was that I would think that there could be a shark in the pool or lake I was swimming in. I'm pretty sure that that fear was created in between the time of my 10 years of swimming and my first time watching Jaws.

As I got older, I realized how silly that fear was. I broke down the main components, thinking if:

1. There could actually be a shark in the pool.
2. I would be allowed to swim in a place with a killer shark nearby.

I saw how silly that fear was, so I was able to get over it. I understood why I would have that fear, what made me create it in my mind, I analyzed the logic behind it and once I realized that there was none, I stopped being afraid.

Some fears you have for many different reasons and some could be explained easier than others. It's up to you to realize if your fear is rational or irrational, if it's something that you can control and if it's something that is holding you back from something that you really want to do.

I wrote this post today because this afternoon, I went for my wisdom teeth removal consultation. To be perfectly honest, yes, I am scared. The procedure is happening in exactly one month from today, but I can't help but think of everything that could go wrong. 

What is helping me slowly overcome that fear is having to remind myself that many people have this procedure done, it's safe and the doctors know what they're doing.

I believe if you break down any fear you can have and figure out why you have it, I think you can overcome it.

In the end, are fears honestly a bad thing, or do they push us to do whatever could lead us to the best outcome?


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