Where Have I Been?

Hey everyone, I'm finally back to blogging!

So as many of you may know, my last blog post was back in February, and honestly the first reason as to why I stopped blogging back in February is because I'm awful at keeping secrets.

I have an older cousin who lives in New York and I love her so much, she's my inspiration. In late January, her friends and family from back home in Canada decided to book flights over our March break to surprise her for her birthday. We've been discussing the possibility of going to New York and surprising her for her birthday back in June/July 2015, so there was no way I was going to ruin the surprise.

I honestly came close to letting the cat out of the bag (as did some other family members) about this whole trip while on the phone with my cousin. From February into March, my family and I had limited contact with my cousin and kept all conversations general, we were all scared of spoiling it.

I keep my blog extremely private and only a handful of people know my identity behind the screen, and my cousin is one of them, so I decided to stay clear of blogging until the trip happen.

My cousin's family and friends all arrived in New York and she was really surprised to say the least. There were a few glitches that my family still laughs about to this day, but overall it was all that we expected.

I actually filmed the majority of our trip to make a birthday video for my cousin as a present, so the weekend after we got home, I was in the middle of editing my first ever video and my laptop broke!

That's the second reason as to why I haven't been able to post until now.

Do you know how expensive it is to pay for an unexpected new laptop? It's not fun.

So since then, I've worked as many shifts as a swim instructor as I could to pay off my new beautiful MacBook Pro and I'm currently two thirds of the way to finishing my lifeguarding course!

Since the last time I posted, some pretty amazing things have happened to me, so I'll list some off:

• I turned 16 and have had my beginners for a fair amount of time now
• I will be returning to New York in 21 days (or so) with my school band
• I have been teaching mermaid classes with an actual mermaid company, they give me a tail and I help them manage the kids
• Teachers at my school have asked me to represent my school and give a speech at City Hall

Overall, I'm happier.

I've had amazing opportunities come my way since my trip to New York in March and I don't see them slowing down anytime soon.

I think I've caught you up on most things, so I will be back to posting regular from now on and I'm so happy to be back and blogging again.


One More Girl, no longer online

Give And Take

Although my current boyfriend is the only one I've ever had, he's the best one I've ever had.

He makes me laugh, comforts me when I'm said or upset, takes care of me when I don't feel well, talks me down from potential anxiety/panic attacks and he's bought me chocolate just because.

It's amazing to have him in my life and he does a lot for me. For example, when I'm in one of my low moods or generally not feeling well, he'll come over and watch Disney movies with me.

This is a guy who grew up with an older brother and never got into the whole Disney scene and never watched the princess movies.

This is a guy who loves horror movies yet knows how scared and jumpy I get from them so he'll settle for a Disney movie with me.

I'm sure we've gone through almost, if not all, of the Disney princesses movies and he hasn't complained once about. I'm sure he's joked about it, but he never seemed to mind watching the movies with me.  

Now I've never been one to watch sports. I think it's definitely something to go see live if you have the chance, but it's just not the same through the TV in my opinion.

My boyfriend loves to watch sports, he's a hockey player and follows the National Hockey League (NHL) as if it's his religion. Hockey is his main sport, yet he'll watch any sport.

As many know, Sunday was the SuperBowl. 

I've never watched football in my life yet we made plans to watch it together.

I've never watched football nor do I understand the sport all that much, my guy still wanted to watch the game with me.

I wish I could say that I tried my best to follow along, but honestly whenever the whistle blew for fouls, I was already asking about 20 different questions.

He had no knowledge of Disney movies and I had no knowledge of football games.

When you're with someone special to you either it's a partner in a relationship, a friend or a family member, you should always take the time to watch something they like and learn about that person.

Even though you find that whatever your friend wants to watch is absolutely boring, stick it out because that's what every relationship is about: Give and Take.

He took time to watch Disney movies with me so I'll make sure to watch the Stanley cup playoffs with him.

In my blog posts, I try to avoid writing about personal relationships simply because you never knew what could be coming down the road, however I thought that my relationship would be a really good example for this and the topic of give and take.

We might not have the same taste in movies, but that's okay because we can either compromise on the spot or one of use will give the other the choice. 

Admittedly we have a lot of "You pick." "No, you pick," moments, but in the end it doesn't matter what we do because we just want to spend time together in the end.

Try something new for someone special in your life because it's all about finding that happy middle ground where everyone gets a chance for something they like.

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Jumping In Feet First

I've been struggling a little bit to make friends in my classes. I have the same group of people that I chat to in classes, but I don't know if I can call them friends yet.

They're all really nice and funny, but I don't talk to them during lunch or outside of school, it's only been in a classroom.

One girl from my softball team is in my grade, she's not in any of my classes, but she's having an easier time making friends seeing as she's really outgoing.

I, on the other hand, am not.

The other day, she was talking about all of her friends and said that she as texting a few of them and I don't really have the contact information of the few people I talk to in class.

Today I went to the library with my friend so that we could get homework done, and she told me that one of her friends was coming with us.

We planned to go to the library at 12:00pm, but apparently it only opened at 2:00pm.

My friend was bored at 12:00pm, so we decided to meet up at a coffee shop not far from the library. I was there maybe 30 minutes before her and I started an English paper and got about halfway through before she showed up.

We got ourselves some drinks and we sat in the comfy seats, talked and I typed my paper.

Not too long after, her friend walked in, got himself a drink and joined us.

I was actually a little nervous, I haven't seen him around school, I didn't know who he was at all and I was nervous to make a fool of myself.

We spent about an hour and a half in the coffee shop, and for the first 45 minutes to an hour maybe, I wouldn't look at him.

Whenever I was talking to the both of them, I would look at my friend and I just couldn't make eye contact with him.

Eventually, we started talking a little bit more, realizing we have a lot of similar interest and we have a really similar music taste.

I pretty much finished all my homework at the coffee shop, but I had some extra things to do at the library which was to write down my thoughts about certain passages from an exert from a book that we had to read in English.

I wrote down one, maybe two, lines.

We spent almost two hours in the library, but none of us got any work done.

We had a little corner to ourselves, so we just messed around, had a laugh and we just had a good time in general.

I definitely feel a lot more comfortable around him then I did when I first met him and that's great because now I think I have my first official friend whom I didn't know going into the new school.

During the day, I learnt that when it comes to new things, it's best to just take a breath and jump in.

It's better to jump in feet first, don't test the water because then you might decided to not get in the water, but if you jump, you'll have a bigger chance of enjoying yourself later on.

My friend had an easier time making friends because she jumped in feet first.

I stood on the side testing the water, it's as if I've been playing things too safe.

Because I'm too nervous to say hi to the people around me, I haven't been making many friends so far.

Today defiantly helped boost my confidence and I hope to jump in and make new friends this week.


One More Girl, no longer online

Something Bigger Than Us

Today's been a pretty special day seeing as it's my parents 20th wedding anniversary.

Although they both had their own things to do today -my dad had to work and my mom was out helping my grandmother- they were going out to dinner together.

I wasn't expecting my dad to open the door to our basement when he got home from work and yell down to ask me where I wanted to go for supper.

It's their anniversary, not mine! They should've gone out just the two of them for a date night like I originally thought that they were going to do.

I thought that it would be only the three of us because my sister often goes out with her friends after work and my parents and I have gone out without her on many occasions, but my parents said that we were going to wait for my sister to get home because she would be coming out with us.

My sister and I never really get on that well. 

Sure, we have our sister moments where everything is fine, we get along and talk to each other, but most of the time we stay clear from each other or argue. 

Definitely when we're out in public, when know when to draw the line, so usually we don't really talk to each other then either. 

Today though, we put our differences aside for our parents.

It wasn't something that we discussed and agreed on, but it was something that we knew needed to happen.

Admittedly, we put our parents under a lot of stress with all of our jobs, last minute plans, arguments, etc., so we had to do something nice for them, especially today.

In the end, family is something bigger than us and sometimes you'll have to make small sacrifices to make other family members happy. Sometimes you'll have to make compromises on something that you're not all that happy about for a better end result.

We can't pick the family that we have, so you learn quickly that family can be about compromises and sacrifices for others because family is there to stay whether you like it or not. It doesn't have to be about parents and siblings alone, it could be about aunts, uncles, cousins or anyone that you define as family.

Overall, happy 20th anniversary mom and dad, I love you guys.


One More Girl, no longer online

Things We Need To Tell Ourselves More Often

As humans, we need feedback to learn. No matter what the case is; whether it's in sports performances or work performances, we need someone to give us constructive criticism to improve in whatever field we're performing in.

Usually, you won't hear negative feedback. People tend to only give you criticism on a specific field when they want to help you improve. They care about you and they want to make sure that you reach your full potential. When they give you constructive criticism, it's a good thing. They'll highlight something that you are doing well and remind you to do something specific to help you reach your full potential. They tell you how to improve something to build you up, not tear you down.

Constructive criticism is a great thing, yet it's not always constructive/positive. 

We usually go to get constructive criticism from someone who is in a higher rank than ourselves, so for an example as a sports player, I'll look for feedback from my coach. As a new employee, I'll look for feedback from someone who's been working there longer than I have or even my manager.

Although getting feedback from someone else, I find that no one is harder on ourselves then us ourselves.

People tend to be hard on themselves for different reasons. 

Some might do it because they didn't feel loved/praised enough. If their parents would brush off ever accomplishment that they did, they would work hard and criticism themselves to make everything perfect just to hear the praise that they deserve. 

They might feel as though they haven't accomplished anything great in their life and will work and criticism themselves until they feel as though they've done something great.

They could be hard on themselves because they feel useless or have been wrongfully led to think so. They don't feel happy with anything that they've done so they criticism themselves harshly until they feel successful enough.

After thinking about that for a little bit today I realize that they're so many things that people should hear every once in awhile, or even everyday, that they don't often hear. 

Here are a few things we need to tell ourselves more:

1) Things don't change overnight.
Whether you're trying to change the way you do something sports related (for say, changing your technique on mechanics) or change the way you look to be happier with your body, that change will come. Changing things takes time and that's often something we forget. It's okay to get frustrated every once and awhile, but we must remember that things change a different rates, so do not feel bad if you can't accomplish something for a set date. If you happen to miss your goal by a set date, that's okay! You're human! Set a new date and work towards that goal instead of getting yourself down and beating yourself up.

2) Everyone makes mistakes, I'm not the only one.
Some people feel as though that as soon as they make a mistake, they're suddenly pathetic. 
That's not the case.
As much as you probably don't believe it or as much as you doubt it, everyone makes mistakes. Our friends, parents, teachers, role models, strangers that you see on the streets, everyone. Everyone makes mistakes. It's possible to make a mistake on a basic math question, but hey! That happens! Mistakes happen and you learn from them. They aren't the end of the world; if anything, they make us more determined to do better. They shouldn't eat at you until you tear yourself apart.

3) I can't control this, so I'll work with it.
If there's somewhere you need to be at a set time, yet you're stuck in traffic, there's no point in worrying and stressing over it. Traffic is something out of your control, it's not your fault, so don't make yourself believe that it is. I know people (including myself) who will stress over things out of their control. In situations where you don't have control, work with what's given to you. If you're getting sick and can't risk missing school, go see your teachers and see what you can bring home to stay up to date or go to the store to get things that will make you feel better. You can't avoid getting sick, so do something that will help you during that time.

Those are my three tips for today, maybe I'll make another post like this later on and remind you of three more things that we have to tell ourselves more often.

Something that I want to add in and tell you in case you haven't heard it recently is that I'm proud of you.

Everyone here has gotten to this time of their life in different ways and have had their own challenges. No matter how big or small they are, challenges are challenges and congratulations for surpassing them. I know that sometimes it's hard to do and I'm proud of you for getting here.


One More Girl, no longer online

Meeting New People

Awhile back ago, I wrote a post called So Many People, Yet So Alone. If you haven't read it yet, the main concept was that I was never that "go-to friend" and that even though I'm surrounded by all these people called friends, I've never felt so alone before.

At the end, I encouraged people who might feel the same way to go and talk to people. I encouraged them to go out and talk to someone that they're comfortable around, someone who makes them feel good and that it's someone that you're genuinely happy to be around.

Last weekend, I had this conference that I attended to so I could learn more about the IB (International Baccalaureate) program and how it could affect my acceptance at a university, how it would help prepare me for universities and things along those lines,

As I've previously mentioned, I'm currently apart of the French school board. We only have two schools in the same area, so as they usually do, the teachers combined the 23 students from my school with 4 other students (two boys and two girls) from the second French school.

On the way there, I didn't really talk to anyone. I was quite content with reading my book.

When we got closer to the hotel, I found out that I was sharing a room with the only three other girls that were in my grade and also at my school. Everyone was down the same hallway, so I only had to walk about three or four doors down to be at one of the boys' room. 

One of my guy friends was in his room with one other kid from my class and the two kids from the other French school.

At one point, my guy friend decided to go take a walk around the hotel, so I saw this as the perfect opportunity to play a small prank on him.

While you're away on a school trip at a small hotel, there's not much you can do for a grand prank, so I stuck with the classic one of toilet papering his half of the bed.

It was the other guy in my class who opened the door, so when I explained to him what I wanted to do, he was all in for it! It was only when I walked into the room that I noticed the two other boys from the other French school were also there.

While I was setting the toilet paper in place, I started talking with the both of them. One was slightly older than me, but the other one is the same age as me.

We talked, exchanged numbers and we've been texting for a little bit. 

I'm currently in a group chat with him, my guy friend and my best friend.

It's actually pretty funny! I really do enjoy talking to him, he seems like a fun guy to be around. 

The only thing that slightly gets to me is that I feel as though I've texted him more in five days than I have with my so-called best friends since the start of the year.

I told you guys to feel free and send your story in or leave your story in a comment and I would write a post about mine. Here it is.

I got out there, I talked to someone who I feel comfortable enough to be around and I enjoy talking to him. 

Of course there's still a lot to learn, I've barely known him for a week, but its a pretty great feeling when you make a new friend.


One More Girl, no longer online

I'm Back!

Hey everyone! I got back from my vacation in Jamaica Monday evening, and it really was great.

I got to do a lot which I'm extremely grateful for. I went to a crocodile farm (I'm not joking, the tour guide kissed one), went to YS Falls (a beautiful swimming area where theres about three or four different places to swim in and there's one main waterfall and then a few small ones which trickle into the different swimming areas), the Appleton Rum factory and horseback riding.

I got loads of pictures and I'm still debating if I want to post them on here or not. I'll probably end up deciding by the end of the week, so keep a look out for a new "Pictures" page that I might create, no promises though.

The resort I stayed at was really nice and all of the staff was so kind, food was great, beach and sunsets were beautiful. There really wasn't anything more that I'd expect from the trip.

I got more than I expected.

The next little bit will be slightly embarrassing for me, you might roll your eyes and think "Typical," but there is a reason as to why I'm writing this. Right, are you ready to be annoyed with me? Here it goes:

I met a guy when I was there.

He's my just about my age (slightly older by not even by a year), kind, funny, same state of mind and he was overall easy to talk to. He was the type of person that as soon as you start talking to them, you're dreading the thought of it ending because a conversation could flow so easily between you guys. We only really started talking the last few days of both of our trips, but even then it was fine.

This is the part of the story that get's embarrassing for me and entertaining for you guys.

Where he lives, he's a competitive sailor and our resort had a boat (I sat here pondering the type longer than I should have, so I have finally decided that I have, infact, forgotten what type it was) and he offered to take my sister and I out. By the time we got out, the wind was dead, there was absolutely none, so we decided to go back in.

My sister decided to go swim with our parents, so this guy and I took out two paddleboards and decided to go to this raft not that far out from our resort. It was probably a 500m-800m distance. The raft was the perfect place to go snorkeling and jumping off it, so we had fun jumping a few times.

At one point, he was in the water already and then encouraging me to jump in. (I just want to say that I didn't have a fear of this or anything, I already did it, I was honestly just hesitant to jump because I saw a few fishes.)

I jumped in and when I came back up, he took notice to an extra bracelet I had and he asked me what it was. Treading water, I pulled my wrist up out of the water and looked at him and started to say what it was, but he didn't want to hear it. He grabbed my wrist and my waist and pulled me in for a kiss.

That was my first kiss.

Why was it so bad? Because the second he pulled away, I apologized.

This wasn't a "sorry, this is my first kiss I'm not all that sure what to do," this was a basic response that I didn't even think twice about. Who's mental reaction is it to apologize to the person that just kissed you for the first time?! Obviously, it's mine.

I was there, mortified, but he just kindly laughed and said it was fine and I didn't have anything to be sorry about.

Let's just say that the second one was much better.

Moral of the story?

• If you have yet to have your first kiss, don't expect for it to be a movie magic moment, it probably won't be. You have every right to picture how you want it to be like, but don't set yourself up for disappointment because made up scenarios and the real thing can be quite different.
• Although you might not be looking forward for a trip of some sort, you really never know what will happen or who you'll meet, so keep your thoughts open. They don't have to be wide open, maybe just a little crack in the door, but don't shut off the possibilities completely.
• Don't kiss in deep water where you can't touch. It makes things impossible. It's just not easy.

Would you say that it was a short lived paradise love? Yeah, probably. We are still talking though and I don't know what will come out of it. He lives on literally the other side of the country from me, I probably won't see him for a very long time, maybe not ever again for that matter, but I feel as though that's okay. 

Being in the same state of mind, that gives you someone to talk to when you need it and both of us felt as if we didn't have someone like that to talk to before we started to talk. I might not see him for awhile or ever again, but he's someone to talk to when things get difficult and he knows that I'm there for him if he needs it, and to me, that's pretty special already.

That trip turned out pretty alright for me.


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Being Body Positive

A study by the Dove Self-Esteem Project (DSEP) reveals that 47% of teen girls between the ages of 11 to 14 refuse to take part in activities that will show off their body in any way, such as swimming or performing in front of the school (drama class).

Almost half of the girls that took part of this study have low self esteem. The worst part is that these girls are in the age range of 11 to 14 years old. That's far to young to be worrying about body image, yet sadly, this is what society has come to.

I will admit that I've struggled with self esteem for awhile now. I'll share a little bit about my story and then say how I'm starting to build it back up.

As many others could relate to, I struggle to love certain body parts. I've never loved my stomach, my back or my shoulders. I was never confident about my weight.

When I started going to the gym, I was always uncomfortable because you see all these people walking past you, clearly haven been working out for years. You'd see anything from slim bodies to strong muscles, and yes, I was envious of others.

After a summer of the gym and swim training, I started to notice little changes about my body.

I was slightly slimmer, stronger arm and leg muscles, and so on. Although I was happy with my change...it's almost as if it wasn't enough.

I can't remember where I saw or heard these words, but I'd love to share them. Just know that they're not mine.

In the end, it doesn't matter what your body was like. We all have the same goal: to live life to the fullest and die with no regrets. When we're gone, we aren't remembered by what our bodies looked like, but we're remembered by the things we do and the people we reached out to.

Those words really helped me get through my low self-esteem and is currently still inspiring me everyday.

When you stand in front of the mirror and you start to think about all the things you want, reverse that. 

Start off by saying one thing you love about yourself, whether its body or personality, and build yourself up. Start with one, say another, and another, and another.

If your makeup looks nice on a day, say it to yourself! 
If your hair is how you want it to be, say it!
If your outfit is the nicest thing you'e ever seen, say it!
If you like your eyes, shout it out!
If you love your legs, make sure others know!

It's okay to not be 100% happy with your body right now, but you can build yourself up to that point.

Saying that you like something about yourself, you might not want to come across as vain, but why not? You're loving your body, the only one you will ever get, and I don't think that's a bad thing.

If there is a certain thing you don't like about yourself, there's always a solution. You don't have to think that it's horrible, you can find a solution! Find clothes that flatter your figure, you can dye your hair, you can use nail polish if you don't like your nails, do whatever will make you, and only you happy. Just remember that you don't have to go through drastic measures. 

Now let's say this together:

It's okay to have flaws. I will come to love myself. It might not be soon, but it will happen.

I hope this might of have an impact on you guys as it did for me when I heard those words from before.


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Growing Apart From A Friend

I'm still a little bit of the same when I say this, but when I was younger and I would go shopping with my mom, I would fall in love.

My mom would let me pick out a new shit that she would buy for me and I would always find a shirt that I loved. My mom would buy it for me, I would repeatedly say "Thank You!" because I was so excited that she would buy something that amazing for me.

I would wear that new shirt that I loved so much as often as possible. I would pretty much live in that shirt.

Soon enough though, that new shirt would become old.

It wouldn't have the same bright colour, yet instead a faded one. It wouldn't fit the same way as it did the day I got it, it would lose it's form. It wasn't new, so my mom would bring me with her to the mall once again and let me pick out a new shirt. The process repeated itself over and over again even though I still loved the first shirt.

Can that same process happen with friends?

My best friend and I have been...well, best friends since first grade. We would do everything together and and we've been close ever since. Sadly though, once we got to middle school, things changed.

She became good friends with a group of girls, and myself, I became friends with a different group of friends.

We're still really god friends, but was I just offered the chance to have new friends and I took it? Just like how I would always say yes to getting a new shirt?

I've recently learnt that it's alright if you fall in love with that new and bright shirt, but if you still love and wear that first, old shirt, you don't have to throw it away.

You might be doing things with your new friends, doing activities on the weekends, going to the mall, having sleepovers, and all of that is great, it really is! But you're also aloud to take a break from your new friends and go do something like that with your first best friend to keep that friendship alive.

You don't have to pick a friend and stick with them for life. If you make time for all of your good friends just like you took a day out to wear that older and faded shirt, you can have it all.


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Finding Happiness: Part One

In my post Endless Opportunities, I wrote about how the world holds many opportunities for you, you don't have to feel trapped in a box, and that you should do whatever it takes for you to be happy.

Yesterday, I took the first step on my journey to find my happiness.

I have been an athlete for awhile now. I have been a competitive swimmer for about eight or nine years and a softball player for easily about six years now. I love both sports, but for the past year and a half or so, I have been losing interest in swimming at a fast rate.

I kept pushing myself to finish the season last year, so I did and I was content with that but I wasn't over the moon or anything. When my mom asked me if I wanted to swim this season back in September, I wasn't all that sure, but I finally ended up saying yes to it because I figured that since it was a big part of my life for so long I become happier as the seasons and practices unfolded.

I was wrong.

Practices went on and I couldn't help but feel miserable. I love swimming, I always will, but I didn't feel good doing it, I no longer enjoyed it and I would be counting down the minutes until practice was over.

That was my sign.

I wasn't happy doing it, I had to change something.

Having six practices a week, training nine or so hours per week, I personally thought that that was too much time and dedication put into something that I was always dreading.

I was terrified to officially quit the team. Like I said, it was such a big part of my life and I wasn't sure what I would do with all that now free time on my hands. While I was writing the email to my coach explaining that I will no longer attend practices, I kept asking myself if it was the right thing to do. Deep down, I knew it was the right thing to do, I was just afraid to let go of that part of my life.

After having an internal war with myself, I sent the email and I felt...relieved.

Today, I woke up feeling great. I wasn't worrying over future swim meets and practices, but of what to I value more important in my life.

Writing and reading have always been things that I love to do, but with all the swimming hours, homework and other events in my life, I didn't always have the chance to do them.

Now, I can. I'm not feeling as if I won't have time to do everything I want to do in my day.

Letting go of something that lasted years in your life can be scary, terrifying even, but if it's something you feel forced to do and you don't love them any longer, it's worth it.

Well, it is to me.

I have my happy moments, don't get me wrong, but I can't say that I'm overwhelmed with this feeling of happiness.

It might take a while, but this is the first step in my journey to find happiness, and I hope that it can inspire one of you guys to go out and find yours.


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