Give And Take

Although my current boyfriend is the only one I've ever had, he's the best one I've ever had.

He makes me laugh, comforts me when I'm said or upset, takes care of me when I don't feel well, talks me down from potential anxiety/panic attacks and he's bought me chocolate just because.

It's amazing to have him in my life and he does a lot for me. For example, when I'm in one of my low moods or generally not feeling well, he'll come over and watch Disney movies with me.

This is a guy who grew up with an older brother and never got into the whole Disney scene and never watched the princess movies.

This is a guy who loves horror movies yet knows how scared and jumpy I get from them so he'll settle for a Disney movie with me.

I'm sure we've gone through almost, if not all, of the Disney princesses movies and he hasn't complained once about. I'm sure he's joked about it, but he never seemed to mind watching the movies with me.  

Now I've never been one to watch sports. I think it's definitely something to go see live if you have the chance, but it's just not the same through the TV in my opinion.

My boyfriend loves to watch sports, he's a hockey player and follows the National Hockey League (NHL) as if it's his religion. Hockey is his main sport, yet he'll watch any sport.

As many know, Sunday was the SuperBowl. 

I've never watched football in my life yet we made plans to watch it together.

I've never watched football nor do I understand the sport all that much, my guy still wanted to watch the game with me.

I wish I could say that I tried my best to follow along, but honestly whenever the whistle blew for fouls, I was already asking about 20 different questions.

He had no knowledge of Disney movies and I had no knowledge of football games.

When you're with someone special to you either it's a partner in a relationship, a friend or a family member, you should always take the time to watch something they like and learn about that person.

Even though you find that whatever your friend wants to watch is absolutely boring, stick it out because that's what every relationship is about: Give and Take.

He took time to watch Disney movies with me so I'll make sure to watch the Stanley cup playoffs with him.

In my blog posts, I try to avoid writing about personal relationships simply because you never knew what could be coming down the road, however I thought that my relationship would be a really good example for this and the topic of give and take.

We might not have the same taste in movies, but that's okay because we can either compromise on the spot or one of use will give the other the choice. 

Admittedly we have a lot of "You pick." "No, you pick," moments, but in the end it doesn't matter what we do because we just want to spend time together in the end.

Try something new for someone special in your life because it's all about finding that happy middle ground where everyone gets a chance for something they like.

One More Girl, no longer online

Meeting New People

Awhile back ago, I wrote a post called So Many People, Yet So Alone. If you haven't read it yet, the main concept was that I was never that "go-to friend" and that even though I'm surrounded by all these people called friends, I've never felt so alone before.

At the end, I encouraged people who might feel the same way to go and talk to people. I encouraged them to go out and talk to someone that they're comfortable around, someone who makes them feel good and that it's someone that you're genuinely happy to be around.

Last weekend, I had this conference that I attended to so I could learn more about the IB (International Baccalaureate) program and how it could affect my acceptance at a university, how it would help prepare me for universities and things along those lines,

As I've previously mentioned, I'm currently apart of the French school board. We only have two schools in the same area, so as they usually do, the teachers combined the 23 students from my school with 4 other students (two boys and two girls) from the second French school.

On the way there, I didn't really talk to anyone. I was quite content with reading my book.

When we got closer to the hotel, I found out that I was sharing a room with the only three other girls that were in my grade and also at my school. Everyone was down the same hallway, so I only had to walk about three or four doors down to be at one of the boys' room. 

One of my guy friends was in his room with one other kid from my class and the two kids from the other French school.

At one point, my guy friend decided to go take a walk around the hotel, so I saw this as the perfect opportunity to play a small prank on him.

While you're away on a school trip at a small hotel, there's not much you can do for a grand prank, so I stuck with the classic one of toilet papering his half of the bed.

It was the other guy in my class who opened the door, so when I explained to him what I wanted to do, he was all in for it! It was only when I walked into the room that I noticed the two other boys from the other French school were also there.

While I was setting the toilet paper in place, I started talking with the both of them. One was slightly older than me, but the other one is the same age as me.

We talked, exchanged numbers and we've been texting for a little bit. 

I'm currently in a group chat with him, my guy friend and my best friend.

It's actually pretty funny! I really do enjoy talking to him, he seems like a fun guy to be around. 

The only thing that slightly gets to me is that I feel as though I've texted him more in five days than I have with my so-called best friends since the start of the year.

I told you guys to feel free and send your story in or leave your story in a comment and I would write a post about mine. Here it is.

I got out there, I talked to someone who I feel comfortable enough to be around and I enjoy talking to him. 

Of course there's still a lot to learn, I've barely known him for a week, but its a pretty great feeling when you make a new friend.


One More Girl, no longer online

The Story Of A Reject

Back in 7th grade, my best friend became good friends with another group of girls. 

I didn't see this as anything bad or threatening, I was happy for her! However, I was terrified of losing my best friend, so I felt inclined to also join that group of girls.

Everything was fine for awhile, I guess. They were nice and funny, but I knew I was never fully accepted by them. I was constantly out of the loop of things, never invited to plans that were being made right in front of me and things like that for months. It hurt, but I dealt with it to stay with my best friend.

I finally figured out that I really wasn't accepted there when I got called their charity case.

Fast forward a few years, I found myself some new friends that I got really close with. 

It wasn't the same as the other group. I was accepted by them, I was invited to things, it was almost the complete opposite and it was nice.

In the past few months though, I have felt as though I've become less and less accepted.

I wasn't (still not really) invited to things, I'm not included, I'm constantly being talked around and it's frustrating. 

I don't know what I did wrong, I don't know why I've been treated like this, but I never really did anything about it. I never called anyone out nor did I ever do what others have done to me.

I'm glad I never did those two things.

Today during lunch, there was something that unfolded between the group of friends that I'm supposedly apart of, and three of the girls were really upset.

I knew what happened, yet I tried not to say anything to make the situation worst. I simply went up and helped them.

This was a time that they really needed someone and I'm glad that I could be there for them. 

Although past events have happened, you have to put all of that behind you at some point and do the humane thing.

Nothing ever goes to plan, and that also means friendships. If you think you can strengthen a friendship with someone, don't give up on them completely. 

Someday, they'll realize that you stuck around and that you were there for them when they needed you , and they'll be thankful. They won't befriend you over again out of pity, but they'll realize just how lucky they are to have someone so loyal and caring.


One More Girl, no longer online 

Concerns About The Future

One of my biggest fears, if not my biggest fear, is the future.

I'm terrified of the idea of being responsible for my own life in the way that I could do something stupid and regret it for forever after that. I'm terrified of doing something that I didn't realize I actually hate until it's too late. I'm terrified of making a wrong choice that could potentially be affected in the long wrong such as a career choice and so on. I'm terrified of the idea to not know what I could and couldn't control later on in my life.

I could keep going with why I'm terrified of the future, but I think you all understand the idea.

Because of this, I've finally figured out what my New Year's resolution is going to be. Although it's quite late, it's better late then never, and I think this is one that I will carry out for much longer than just a this year. 

What inspired me to write this post is that on Friday, my class was given the talk about course selection that could affect our future university acceptance and career and it really freaked me out. I won't lie, I was ready to cry.

I took a lot of time for myself on Saturday. I stayed in my room most of the day on the Internet, listening to music watching YouTube videos and simply thinking.

I started thinking of what I would like to do for a career. I started to prioritize things in my life. I thought about what made me genuinely happy. I thought about all of my hobbies that I already love and wondering if I could turn that into a job. 

Of course these thoughts provoked more questions and growing concerns. 

I started wondering about possible universities, if I want to stay close to home or go abroad, what would be the money situation, and so much more.

That's when I realized something rather important. Not just for course selection, but for life in general.

I don't have to be worrying about this all at once.

Rathering than freaking out about making the right course selections and making my parents, I need to do what makes me happy. Of course I can change my mind from here to when I start university and circumstances can change, but I do have a general idea in where I want my life to go. Instead of worrying about making the right choices for what could possibly benefit me, I'm making sure I'm happy and proud of what I'm doing.

A quote we all hear a lot is "Forget the past, it's in the past. Focus on your future," and I can't stress how important it is that you don't live by this quote.

I do agree with the forget the past, but DO NOT focus on your future. The more you focus on it, the more you lose your grip on the present. Living in the future is the most acceptable way to escape the present and once we return to it, we realize how much weight we have on our shoulders and we tend to crumble under it.

If a friendship falls out, that's okay. You don't have to focus on fixing that for the future, do what feels right in the present time. 
If you take a class at school that won't help you towards the degree you want, that's okay. Don't freak out thinking that you won't graduate, you can go talk to the school's counselor or principal. It can be fixed.
If you did something stupid in the past, it doesn't define you as who you are right now. Chances are that you're the only one who remembers.

So once again, my late New Year's resolution is to be happy, not stress out over the future and what could be, and live in the moment, enjoy what I'm doing and to love what I'm doing.


One More Girl, no longer online

Growing Apart From A Friend

I'm still a little bit of the same when I say this, but when I was younger and I would go shopping with my mom, I would fall in love.

My mom would let me pick out a new shit that she would buy for me and I would always find a shirt that I loved. My mom would buy it for me, I would repeatedly say "Thank You!" because I was so excited that she would buy something that amazing for me.

I would wear that new shirt that I loved so much as often as possible. I would pretty much live in that shirt.

Soon enough though, that new shirt would become old.

It wouldn't have the same bright colour, yet instead a faded one. It wouldn't fit the same way as it did the day I got it, it would lose it's form. It wasn't new, so my mom would bring me with her to the mall once again and let me pick out a new shirt. The process repeated itself over and over again even though I still loved the first shirt.

Can that same process happen with friends?

My best friend and I have been...well, best friends since first grade. We would do everything together and and we've been close ever since. Sadly though, once we got to middle school, things changed.

She became good friends with a group of girls, and myself, I became friends with a different group of friends.

We're still really god friends, but was I just offered the chance to have new friends and I took it? Just like how I would always say yes to getting a new shirt?

I've recently learnt that it's alright if you fall in love with that new and bright shirt, but if you still love and wear that first, old shirt, you don't have to throw it away.

You might be doing things with your new friends, doing activities on the weekends, going to the mall, having sleepovers, and all of that is great, it really is! But you're also aloud to take a break from your new friends and go do something like that with your first best friend to keep that friendship alive.

You don't have to pick a friend and stick with them for life. If you make time for all of your good friends just like you took a day out to wear that older and faded shirt, you can have it all.


One More Girl, no longer online

Don't Let Go of Love

Being on a sports' team, something you usually have to do is a fundraiser.

My team was selling raffle tickets over the weekend to win the prize of a one night stay at a hotel and a 100$ gift card to a fancy restaurant in the local area, and the draw for the prize will take place on February 13th, the day before Valentines Day.

During my shift yesterday, an elderly man came by to buy some tickets. He asked what the draw and everything was about, who he was supporting, what the prize was, and all of that typical stuff you expect to hear while trying to sell/raise money for something. At the end of it, I added "Draw date is February 13th, so it's right on time for Valentine's Day!"

He looked me in the eyes with a sad look upon his face and said "Well I lost the love of my life to ovarian cancer back in 1986 (I think that was the year he said, I can't remember that exactly). I did however find someone new, but it's not the same, you know? She's like a best friend to me, and I know that it's someone that she (referring to the love of his life that he lost) would've liked to known her."

I was speechless.

I have lost family members, yes, but to lose the love of your life, your soulmate, your other half, I couldn't imagine what that would be like. 

In Greek mythology, it's believed that humans used to have four arms, four legs, four eyes, two noses, basically double of everything. Zeus was afraid that someday, the humans would be capable of overthrowing the Gods, so he split them all in half, resulting in one half to search for the other. To find their soulmate.

After all of that looking, this man found his other half, was ready to spend the rest of his life with her, but cancer ripped that away from him.

This was just another eye opener for me.

When I lost my grandfather on September 1st 2014, that was hard for me. 

I didn't know how to feel, I didn't know what to do with myself, I didn't know when it was appropriate for me to cry, I didn't know what to do with all of the memories I have of him because I was afraid to lose them, and finally, I didn't know who to talk to about all of this.

"You can't close anyone out now...If anything this is the time to be close with your family. You need them and they need you. Having someone pass in your family shows you that you have to spend time with them and cherish it. You don't know how long the moment will last," is something that one of my friends told me when I confided in them how I felt, and I don't think that statement could be any truer. 

Those two events taught me something.

If you love someone, whether its a family member, a friend, a lover or a role model in your life, make sure you tell them how much you appreciate them or that you love them. You have to hold onto the love you have now, because you never know when it's going to be ripped away from you, or when you might feel those feelings again.

If you have a crush on someone or you have a strong feeling for them, don't play hard to get. Maybe someday, you will just be too hard to get that the person that's chasing after will let you go. 

If you have someone that loves you, I am begging you, grab onto that love with both hands and hold on. Hold on to it for as long as you can and don't ever let it go. Don't let it slip away, because hell, someday it might.

Love is such an amazing thing that we really do take for granted nowadays, but that elderly man with his story was a reminder to me to never let go of love, and I hope you take this post as a reminder.

If you're looking for a reason to tell someone you like them, call up your crush, tell your best friend how you truly feel about them...this is it. 

Don't take love for granted because now, it's a rare thing, so don't let go of the people you love.


One More Girl, no longer online

Endless Opportunities

In our last year of school, we're constantly pressured to choose ONE profession for the rest of our lives, encouraged to send in many college/university applications, and most of all, we're told to make something of ourselves.

We don't have to do that.

I am so sick of people telling me what they think is best for me, and I should do with my life. If I don't want to become a doctor, I won't become one. If I want to listen to a specific type of music that makes me happy, I'll do just that. If I don't want to go out during the weekend with friends, how does that affect your life in the long run?

For me, most often of times, it's my teachers and/or parents telling me what I should do, or what my strengths are. Having someone thinking they know what I want to (should) do and myself thinking of what I actually want to do are two very different things.
Wouldn't you think that I would know what I want to do with MY life and what my strengths are? 

We have to make one choice out of a possible 600 or more possibilities of a career choice, and be happy with it for the rest of our lives. How can I start to make a choice like that when I don't even know who I am? They're millions of different choices of what we can do with our lives, and I'm terrified of making the wrong choice. Who wouldn't be?

Freedom is a wonderful thing, because we get to decide what we want to do. We've have complete control over our lives. We're independent minds that can do whatever we can dream of doing

That's my freedom is my biggest fear.

When you come to realize that you have complete control over your life and that you're responsible for your own happiness, it's terrifying because it means that we have to make choices in our life. We have to make choices that could be minor, you completely change our lives forever. We have the freedom to decide what we are doing with our one, terribly short, life.

What if you make the wrong choice?

You don't want to spend the majority of your life doing something you're not even all that passionate about.

If you feel remotely the same, remember that there ARE endless opportunities out there in the world.

I'm not going to say to quit your job, but take a vacation when it becomes too much, go back to school to change to a career that you are passionate about, play video games, listen to music, watch videos online, go for a night out with friends, have a night in with an important someone. Do whatever it takes to make you happy. Do whatever it takes to make you happy now and do what will make you happy in the future. 

With great freedom comes great responsibility. You're responsible for your happiness, so make it count. If you're not happy with something at the moment, there's always an opportunity, a good one, for you in the future. No one deserves to look back on life and to have regrets about not doing something they knew deep down that they always wanted to do but never thought they could achieve. Give it a shot! You have nothing to lose.  

Be sensible about your choices, but make it the best life you can with the goal of being happy. Of course you can't be happy 100% of the time, but you do have rights to feel good about your life and to not have to think that you messed up for a big part of it.

I'm not sure about you guys, but I have one shot at this thing we call life, and I'm going to make it count right until the end.


One More Girl, no longer online

So Many People, Yet So Alone

In my first blog post One More Blog On The Internet, I said that I deal with my emotions by covering them up and trying to make them end quickly, and that I tried to maintain a diary although it never worked, and I'm writing on my blog in hope to reach out to other people who feel the same way that I do, sometimes.

Today is more of a diary post type of entry.

I do have a few friends at school, but sometimes, I just hate being around them.

I've never been the "go-to friend", meaning that I was always considered as the less relevant friend. If something really cool or exciting happened to one of my friends, I was never/am never the first to know. Usually, I'm the last to be told or informed of something.

If I get to class and put my stuff down on a desk, I, quite often, have my stuff moved to the end of the row of desks or to a completely different row so that my other friends can talk. I'm usually left on the end, not really invited or necessarily wanted in a conversation. Plans that I'm never invited to join are constantly being made in front of me.

I remember back in December, my girl friends made plans to go dress shopping for a school dance, realized I was there and they said they'd text me about it. It got to the next day and I didn't receive anything, so when my best friend that is apart of another group of friends asked me to go to the mall, I didn't hesitant to say yes. I wasn't going to sit around all day for these girls to text me.

We walked right past the girls that originally said that they were going to text me and the only thing they did was give me a small smile, and they kept on walking. Not even a "Hi," or anything. It's not because they didn't want to spend time with the friend that I ended up going with, because at this rate, they talk to her more often then they talk to me.

Some friends, right?

Whenever I try to tell a story, I'm often talked over and then forgotten or just flat out told that no one cares. I make a small joke and they say it was stupid and carry out a different conversation, yet if someone makes the same joke a little later, everyone laughs.

These are the people that I call my friends, yet I wonder if I should associate myself with them at all.

With all of that said, I am a very eccedentesiast person. I fake smiles, I don't let people know that what they say to me or how they treat me hurts me. I always have this small smile on around them that keeps on getting less and less genuine.

There's undoubtedly this feeling of loneliness even though I'm surrounded by all these people.

If anyone can relate to what I said in the slightest, let's do this together.

Let's talk to more people. Let's talk to someone that we feel comfortable around and someone who makes us feel good about ourselves and that make us genuinely happy to be around.

If you want to do this but are too scared to leave your "old friends", please remember that they do not own you and you don't own them anything. You can do whatever you'd like to do to make yourself happy.

It would be awesome if someone went out to find someone that makes them happy after reading this post because they got inspired and share a little bit of their story in the comments. That way, it's proof to someone else that it's not only one person feeling this way, and that we can all share stories and help one another. I know that I'll share mine when it happens.

I will say that this was something quite personal for me to write about, so I really do hope that there's something you can take away from this.


One More Girl, no longer online