Where Have I Been?

Hey everyone, I'm finally back to blogging!

So as many of you may know, my last blog post was back in February, and honestly the first reason as to why I stopped blogging back in February is because I'm awful at keeping secrets.

I have an older cousin who lives in New York and I love her so much, she's my inspiration. In late January, her friends and family from back home in Canada decided to book flights over our March break to surprise her for her birthday. We've been discussing the possibility of going to New York and surprising her for her birthday back in June/July 2015, so there was no way I was going to ruin the surprise.

I honestly came close to letting the cat out of the bag (as did some other family members) about this whole trip while on the phone with my cousin. From February into March, my family and I had limited contact with my cousin and kept all conversations general, we were all scared of spoiling it.

I keep my blog extremely private and only a handful of people know my identity behind the screen, and my cousin is one of them, so I decided to stay clear of blogging until the trip happen.

My cousin's family and friends all arrived in New York and she was really surprised to say the least. There were a few glitches that my family still laughs about to this day, but overall it was all that we expected.

I actually filmed the majority of our trip to make a birthday video for my cousin as a present, so the weekend after we got home, I was in the middle of editing my first ever video and my laptop broke!

That's the second reason as to why I haven't been able to post until now.

Do you know how expensive it is to pay for an unexpected new laptop? It's not fun.

So since then, I've worked as many shifts as a swim instructor as I could to pay off my new beautiful MacBook Pro and I'm currently two thirds of the way to finishing my lifeguarding course!

Since the last time I posted, some pretty amazing things have happened to me, so I'll list some off:

• I turned 16 and have had my beginners for a fair amount of time now
• I will be returning to New York in 21 days (or so) with my school band
• I have been teaching mermaid classes with an actual mermaid company, they give me a tail and I help them manage the kids
• Teachers at my school have asked me to represent my school and give a speech at City Hall

Overall, I'm happier.

I've had amazing opportunities come my way since my trip to New York in March and I don't see them slowing down anytime soon.

I think I've caught you up on most things, so I will be back to posting regular from now on and I'm so happy to be back and blogging again.


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My First Exams and What I Learnt From Them

Well it's been quite a time since I last wrote.

The last time I posted was a few days before my exams started and I expressed how I wasn't feeling too stressed about things and that I was feeling pretty good.

Things didn't go the way I thought they would.

My Sunday before exams was planned out: go to work, tutor a student in my French class for our exam and then study math for myself.

My work shift is just 9am-12pm Sunday mornings, however I got myself into a bit of a jam because I took an extra shift right after.

They were desperate for someone else to work, so I step up because frankly, I need the money.

It wasn't too bad, but I ended up working 9am-5pm.

That set everything back at least three hours.

I only met my friend to help him study French at around 5:30 and we both had to leave at 7:15. 

I did as much as I could to help him prepare and taught him how to answer the question with the words already placed in the question.

I found out today once I walked past him in the hallway that he passed the exam which is great! He struggled with a failing grade for the majority of the semester, however he was able to bring it up in the end!

After I got home, I studied for math and then went to bed for a good night's rest before exams.

I woke up the day of my first exam feeling immensely sick.

The stomach flu had been going around just a few days before and I was convinced that I got sick myself.

There's not much you can do, you can't miss an exam unless a family member has passed away or that you're hospitalized. 

I went to school on Monday and wrote my first two exams, English then French, and felt progressively better throughout the day.

I thought I was getting better and went to bed early that night to be refreshed for my morning math exam on Tuesday.

I woke up and the stomach pains hit me harder than ever.

I couldn't eat, I couldn't drink, I had a headache and my mind was set that I had the flu.

Once again, nothing I could've done so I went to school.

I used my whole two hours to work on my math exam and when I walked out of the exam room, all of my symptoms disappeared.

There's nothing else it could've been except for anxiety. If that's the case, I've never had anxiety at a constant level that high before.

It was crazy to realize that it was anxiety, but then I figured that I must've been so stressed about my exams that I kept my mind busy with anything and everything, like taking an extra shift and focusing on tutoring someone else, to keep my thoughts from drifting to my exams.

Im so glad I have them over with and that I've started my second semester, however I learnt an important lesson.

In a few years from now, possibly even one year from now, those marks won't matter.

Your exam marks don't define you as a person. They don't test your knowledge in a skill rather than your memorization skill. It's completely unfair to tell students that they all learn in unique ways yet have a standardized test to challenge what we can remember, however there's nothing that we can do about that yet.

Anyway, your exam results are a number, a fraction or a percentage that you won't be able to remember in two years time. 

Those digits will not define you as a person or limit you to what you can do in your life.

If anyone else had exams I hope you did well and if you have any coming up, I wish you the best of luck.

One More Girl, no longer online

Life Happened

Isn't it a little ironic how when I make a post about coming back from an abrupt break, I disappeared for a bit?

Sorry about that.

In the time that I've disappeared from my blog, it's not that I became less interested, but life got in the way. 

Allow me catch you up.

I've got school exams starting next Monday (January 25th), however I've mainly been procrastinating with my studies. I only have three exams; English, French and math. I know I can study for math, I'm going to write up proper notes for all the modules on my math exam, but I have no clue how to study for a language exam.

French will be very easy for me considering my upbringing so I don't feel the need to study it at all, however for English, I could use all of the help I can get.

I'm doing well enough as it is, but I'm awful at analyzing texts and going "deeper" into the symbolic meaning of it. 

I feel like I should be worrying about my exams a lot more, but I'm not and it confuses me a little bit. However my Sunday night post might be me writing about how much I'm worrying about my exams on Monday.

Along with those classes, I'm also taking band. 

For that class, we practice conducting for a week and then had an exam (The exam was just conducting a small piece to the class while the other students played). I was feeling really good for the conducting exam because every time I practiced in front of the class, I felt as though I did really good; the only thing I had to remember was to distribute my weight evenly and not lean to one side.

Midway through my exam, I tried to shift my weight, I missed a beat and missed a cue.

Honestly, I thought my mark on my exam was going to bring down my overall mark in band, but my semi-bad exam raised my mark. I got a 99% on my band exam.

I was shocked and extremely happy.

It just goes to show that you should have faith in yourself because you'll do better than you might think you did and that exams aren't going to define who you are as a person if you mess at the wrong time.

That's everything that's happened to me during school, but more has happened outside of my school life, too.

Friday night at supper my mom got a call from my uncle. He was calling to let us know that he was in hospital and recovering after getting treatment for a heart attack.

He was shoveling his driveway and started to have chest pains, but he waited the following day before telling my aunt that he needed to go to the hospital.

It was definitely a shock to my family, but we knew how to handle it since my dad has suffered from two heart attacks himself.

My uncle is the father of my cousin who lives in New York, so she came home for a bit to be with her parents. My mom and I were able to visit her, my aunt and my uncle when he was able to return home. He's doing really good though, he's recovering greatly.

That's family life covered, only thing left is personal life.

I'm doing pretty well, I feel as though the realisation of exams will hit me later sooner or later. I, myself was in a hospital for a bit because of chest pain, but I was told I pulled some muscles across my chest while teaching from the repeated force of having kids jumps into my chest rather than my arms.

Other than that, I'm in perfect health! I'm sleeping more, going to the gym and eating actual, full meals.

So that's everything I missed during this accidental break and it's really nice to be back to blogging, but as I said, life got in the way.


One More Girl, no longer online

Don't Deny A Friend

When a few friends and I were just discussing a possibility of plans of watch a movie after school during the school day on Monday, we didn't know that it would go this far.

On Monday, we were talking about the possibility of the plans, it was only among three friends and I.

When we touched on the topic on Tuesday in math class, another person in our social group jumped in and said he couldn't wait for it.

The social group I'm apart of is pretty spread out, it's almost like there's one in each class and this would be my math and band social group.

I didn't know what to think of another friend jumping in on the plans, so we left it until today.

While finalizing the plans today, the friend who sort of invited himself said he was really excited, and I didn't have a problem with it.

However, one of my friends in the original planning group approached me and told me that he's iffy about the guy that invited himself because sometimes he makes him feel uncomfortable.

To be honest, I can understand where he's coming from because this guy doesn't always know when it's okay to continue on a joke and when you have to stop it there.

In other words, he doesn't always know where to draw the line.

It can make people feel uncomfortable, but that's him and maybe he'll learn later in time where to draw the line, and it's alright if that will take him a bit more time.

At this rate, I was torn.

Do I invite the friend who seemed like he really wanted to come or do I accommodate to the friend who feels uncomfortable at times around this person.

Then I realized something.

Not even 6 months ago, I was the kid who wanted to be invited to social events but wasn't always invited by the people I called my friends.

I know the feeling of thinking your friends hate you, I know the feeling of thinking you're alone and I know that it's one of the worst things to hear plans be made in front of you and you're not a part of them.

I talked to my friend that was a part d the original plan and explained to him my point of view and he agreed and saw where I was coming from.

He said that he could manage for a night, so that's what we did.

We all went to my house after school, played a few video games while waiting for one friend from the original plan and another last minute joiner because they were both at work and then we watched a movie.

In the end, I learnt that in high school, your social group will be very diverse and you will have many friends in all of your different classes.

It's okay to want to make plans with just a few of them, however if you are to make them, do them in private.

It's one of the worst feelings to hear some of your class friends make plans and not include you, but it also hurts to hear "I guess you can come too."

If you want a small group, make plans in private and if another wants to join, there's no reason nor need (unless it's something like your parents put a strict limit on number of friends that can be at the house) to deny them of the chance to be with friends.

Sometimes the only thing someone needs is a friend. Don't deny them of that.


One More Girl, no longer online

Good Memories Don't Leave You

Something that my old school does every year is that the graduating students put on a show.

For the past seven years, it was "Roi de l'École" meaning "King of the School".

Because it was the King of the school, it was only the boys who could enter as contestants although the girls were in the show, however they couldn't win a "prize".

This year was the first edition of the "Star of the School", so anyone who wanted to could enter.

There were only five contestants, but all of the graduates participated in it someway or another.

This was the first year I went to go see this event at the school, so it was a little weird seeing something I always thought I would participate in.

I met up with a few of my old friends when I got to the school and we watched the event together.

The event was really well done, it was amazing and it was great seeing all of my old friends.

However, I have to admit that being at my old school brought up a lot of good memories and it made me want to go back.

These are the kids that I've gone to school with since primary, we have pictures of each other from when we were 5-6 years old! I moved away from everyone that I knew since I was little and sometimes I still wonder "Well, what if I stayed?"

Honestly, I thought about going back for grade 12 and it was immensely tempting.

When I got home, I talked to my parents about it and the only way I could go back to my old French school and still stay in the IB program would be to switch back after Christmas break this school year.

I wouldn't be able to go back just for grade 12 because the schools don't offer the same IB program and to go from none intensive writing in French to a high level French exam, I would be a little rusty.

I can't lie, I spent my whole evening thinking about what I really wanted to do, all of my good memories are at that school, and then I realized something important.

Memories don't change.

I can have all of those good memories at the French school and make more at my English school.

Of course the friendships aren't as close as my past ones, but you're constantly meeting people your whole life and being with the same people for so long can cause you to be in a safe bubble you can no longer venture out of.

I don't need to be in the same school to remember the good memories from it, I just have to remember that those memories aren't going anywhere.

One More Girl, no longer online 

Having Too Much On Your Plate

Yes, it is Thursday and not my usual Wednesday post, but here's my reason as to why my bi-weekly post is late:

I was tired.

I haven't had the greatest sleep pattern since school as started, I've been going to bed very late with headaches, waking up early with headaches and it's not the greatest cycle for me.

I spend the majority of my day with headaches and I shouldn't be.

With all of this going on, I also work all day Saturday and then Sunday morning.

By the time Sunday afternoon comes around, I'm tired and I don't want to do all that much.

My plate is already full. My weeks have been pretty eventful.

Yesterday, I was in class when I received an email notification.

I'm in a Facebook group for work, and every time someone posts, I get an email notification.

It was a co-worker of mine looking for a teaching substitute to cover his 4:15-8:15 shift.

Four hours is a long time to be working as a teacher. It's a long time in the pool and you're bound to get cold within the first hour and a half.

I didn't know whether or not I wanted cover his shift, but after talking with my mom, I decided to take the shift because I could get more experience, get as many favours as possible, and I do need to earn money.

I ended up really enjoying the shift. I did get very cold about halfway through, but I made it to the end.

My last class was suppose to end at 8:15, but it went over until 8:20-8:25. There's absolutely no problem with that, it's just that I was so tired.

I got home at maybe 9:15, had supper, lied on my bed with full intention of writing a post, but I kept drifting off to sleep.

When I took that extra shift, I thought that I was doing it for me, I thought that I was doing it to earn money to put towards a trip, but I realized that I was wrong.

I also took that shift because I didn't want my coworker to worry. I didn't ask why, but I didn't want him to worry the whole day over if he would get a substitute for the shift or not.

It's not my responsibility. We are a facility with 30+ employees, I'm not the only one who would've been able to take the shift, I was the first to offer.

I shouldn't feel stressed or anxious about my evening if I'm taking someone else's shift. I'm doing it because I can, but sometimes I do it because I think I have to.

It is not my responsibility to make sure that someone else's shift is cover when I'm not working. Of course I can take the shift if I don't have any homework and I'm feeling okay, but there are supervisors that could have also covered his shift.

I should feel stressed over someone else's shift, that's not what I signed up for.

I'm going to plan my day and make sure that I have everything under control before I take on any extra shifts.


One More Girl, no longer online

Immediately Clicking With A Stranger

A lot of the time, people tend to click together in the sense that they fit together.

Friends click together, especially best friends.

Usually the story behind best friends is that they've known each other for years, they went to school together, their parents knew each other before they were born, things like that. They're friendship is set at an early time of life.

Other times, it happens later in life and over a short amount of time.

This amount of time can be anything from a few days to a few weeks. I find that with the older you get, the more unintentional best friends you have; meaning that you become best friends with them because in a short amount of time, they become or go-to person to communicate with.

At my old school, my best friend and I had known each other for ages, we've been best friends since grade two and we haven't looked back since.

Once again at my old school but with a different group of friends, I clicked with them at first, but then we just sort of didn't click together any more.

Arriving at my new school this year, I wasn't sure what was going to happen.

I was hoping to make friends on my first day of school, but that didn't really happen for me.

With almost a full month of school done, I've defiantly made a few friends.

I have the same group of people that I have all my classes with that are good friends of mine, I have friends that I only have a few classes with, but that's okay.

I have many new friends now, and although I really enjoy being with them all and that I think they're great, I don't know if we've really clicked yet.

I will talk to them my whole school day, but I still feel as though I'm holding myself back when I'm with them.

However, I don't feel this way towards everyone.

There's one guy in particular at my new school that I really do feel a click with.

With only one month of school completed, I think that I could call him my best friend there because I can easily talk him about everything and I don't feel nervous around him at all.

I really believe that I've had one of my first moment a where I instantly clicked with someone that I barely knew to begin with.

It's a bit odd seeing as there's still so much for me to learn about him and vice versa, but we both enjoy each other's company.

Clicking with someone you just meant is such a great thing because it gives you a go-to friend when you feel alone or you don't know where to go in a new environment.

In all honesty, feeling as though I have a clicked with someone I just met is a great feeling. Because of this click, I have someone to hang out with outside of school and I have someone I'm not scared to ask for help.

I've never felt as though I have a connection with someone that I met as soon as I did with this guy, but I have one with him.

I hope that this is something that everyone will experience at least once in their life.

It can take years to build up a high level of trust with a previous friend, but to have that same level of trust within someone that you just met is almost a relieving feeling.


One More Girl, no longer online

Final Decision

As the majority of you may know, from the start of the summer to just recently, I've been debating whether or not my decision to switch schools was the right one or not.

I'm glad to tell you all that I think that I have my final decision on the matter.

I am happy that I did it.

Of course a piece of me will always miss my old school, all of my old friends are there, everything I ever knew is back at that school, but I'm happy with my new school.

I didn't think that I would make many friends, but I did. I have a handful of friends that I talk to every school day. I can't say that I have best friends right now, I'm not particularly very close with all of them, but I do have someone that I have hung out with for a week straight (and there's also this next school week to be added to that) and I find them easy to talk to.

School is still something that I don't specifically look forward to, but I feel as though there's something more for me there.

I felt fine at my old school, but now I feel...accepted. I feel as though there's something for me at that school that I didn't have before.

Of course I still find it terrifying to walk in the hallway at times, but that will probably stay until the rest of the year.

Something else that's really exciting is that I made my school's boys baseball team!

Well, I'm sort of on the team.

I am one of four AP players which means I'm an affiliate player. That means that I only play in exhibition games or if we have a secure spot in a tournament.

I'm happy with that because all the boys who tried out are high level baseball players.

I don't find myself wondering what if, of course I get nervous sometimes when I arrive at the fields for a practice or game, but there are three other people on the bench and then I take a breath and realize that everything is going to be okay.

During the summer, my older cousin was telling how it's a good thing to be nervous sometimes and back then, I was wondering "How? How can it possibly be a good thing?" But now I understand. 

Being nervous isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of being human.

I still have many things to learn about the school and the people in it, but I think it's going to be a good year.

Everything is falling into place for me at the moment. I start working as a swim teacher this Saturday, I'm volunteering at the museum, I'm a peer tutor during some of my lunch breaks and helping other students learn french, I don't feel too stressed (yet) with my homework and I have people to turn to when I need to talk to someone.

I don't know what it is, if it's the things I listed above or not, but something feels right at the moment and I really hope that that feeling doesn't change.


One More Girl, no longer online

Jumping In Feet First

I've been struggling a little bit to make friends in my classes. I have the same group of people that I chat to in classes, but I don't know if I can call them friends yet.

They're all really nice and funny, but I don't talk to them during lunch or outside of school, it's only been in a classroom.

One girl from my softball team is in my grade, she's not in any of my classes, but she's having an easier time making friends seeing as she's really outgoing.

I, on the other hand, am not.

The other day, she was talking about all of her friends and said that she as texting a few of them and I don't really have the contact information of the few people I talk to in class.

Today I went to the library with my friend so that we could get homework done, and she told me that one of her friends was coming with us.

We planned to go to the library at 12:00pm, but apparently it only opened at 2:00pm.

My friend was bored at 12:00pm, so we decided to meet up at a coffee shop not far from the library. I was there maybe 30 minutes before her and I started an English paper and got about halfway through before she showed up.

We got ourselves some drinks and we sat in the comfy seats, talked and I typed my paper.

Not too long after, her friend walked in, got himself a drink and joined us.

I was actually a little nervous, I haven't seen him around school, I didn't know who he was at all and I was nervous to make a fool of myself.

We spent about an hour and a half in the coffee shop, and for the first 45 minutes to an hour maybe, I wouldn't look at him.

Whenever I was talking to the both of them, I would look at my friend and I just couldn't make eye contact with him.

Eventually, we started talking a little bit more, realizing we have a lot of similar interest and we have a really similar music taste.

I pretty much finished all my homework at the coffee shop, but I had some extra things to do at the library which was to write down my thoughts about certain passages from an exert from a book that we had to read in English.

I wrote down one, maybe two, lines.

We spent almost two hours in the library, but none of us got any work done.

We had a little corner to ourselves, so we just messed around, had a laugh and we just had a good time in general.

I definitely feel a lot more comfortable around him then I did when I first met him and that's great because now I think I have my first official friend whom I didn't know going into the new school.

During the day, I learnt that when it comes to new things, it's best to just take a breath and jump in.

It's better to jump in feet first, don't test the water because then you might decided to not get in the water, but if you jump, you'll have a bigger chance of enjoying yourself later on.

My friend had an easier time making friends because she jumped in feet first.

I stood on the side testing the water, it's as if I've been playing things too safe.

Because I'm too nervous to say hi to the people around me, I haven't been making many friends so far.

Today defiantly helped boost my confidence and I hope to jump in and make new friends this week.


One More Girl, no longer online

School Tryouts

Well my lovely readers, I did as I said I would and I went to my school's baseball tryouts today.

If I'm honest with you guys, I thought many times about not going and just saying that I didn't make the team it something came up, but I fought that urge and I went to the tryouts.

When I got there, there were only two other girls trying out and I previously knew them because I played softball with them, but I did recognize one other kid from my math class.

Besides that, it shouldn't be called the boys team, instead it should be called the men's team.

Little 5'4 me was up against all the seniors of the school who are around 6 feet tall and all have beards.

Admittedly, when I got there I was extremely nervous, but I gradually found myself feeling a little more relaxed.

Besides that, I don't think that they were horrible.

I definitely had a sore shoulder because it's so different from throwing a softball that my shoulder got sore and stiff pretty soon, so when it came to easy throws that came up short I was kicking myself a little bit.

The tryouts today were more like a scrimmage (a game played by one team and you separate the players accordingly) and I only got up to bat twice. They weren't awful, the first time took a lot of getting used to because the bat and the technique you have is quite different, so I struck out.

I struck out my second time at bat too, but I hit foul balls and that's good because the coaches know that I can make contact, it's just going to take some practice to get it right.

Of course it's hard going into something that you don't already know and it's even harder when you don't know many people around you, but putting yourself out there will help you with that.

You'll get to meet new people and it will give you a new experience.

I was terrified going into the tryout and imagined all the worst cases scenarios possible, but it all went fine, I'm here writing this post, I'm alive.

Will I make the team? That's a whole different question.

Will I regret ever going to the tryouts? I'll have to say no because then I won't ever wonder "What if?" and I'll be proud of myself for trying.

I'm still working on the whole "making friends" issue, and if you're on the same page as me, then clubs or school sports can defiantly help you make friends fast.

If you go in not really knowing what you're doing, that's fine, people will be there to help you.

Don't be afraid of something just because you feel alone or unprepared going in. Soon, you won't be alone and you'll know exactly what to expect.


One More Girl, no longer online

No More Wondering "What If?"

I jumped into this new school experience thinking that I would make friends right away and that I'd know the majority of the people in my classes.

I was beyond wrong.

I'm a rather shy person and I usually won't initiate a conversation. I'll try to keep it up, but I also tend to be the reason for them to fade out because I think that I talked too much or that the other person isn't interested.

Even on my anonymous blog, I have a few dedicated readers that leave lovely comments and I'm more than grateful for it and I keep myself updated with their blogs, I read them on a regular basis, but even then I don't want to comment in case it's confusing, read in the wrong way or it's unclear. I type out a comment that I find is really nice and has no problem with it whatsoever, but I work myself up to believing that it's wrong in a way and I end up erasing it.

If I can't even comment on blogs owned by the sweetest people ever, then I'm defiantly not outgoing enough to have friends yet.

I've talked to people, been introduced and have introduced myself, but nothing is set in stone yet.

I'm still nervous to go to school, I still don't really know anyone or can go up to someone and start a conversation so I find myself alone the majority of the mornings before school.

Being in band class is helping me out quite a bit because I can spend lunch in the band room and that's helping me meet people with common interests.

But seeing as today is Sunday and it was a beautiful weekend day, I went to the beach and relaxed.

I went with my parents, my godparents and cousin in-law (my poor cousin had to work in perfect beach weather) to a beach and I really enjoyed the time.

I took a nice, long walk on the beach, went in for a swim and what I thought was tanning turned out to be a major burn once I got home, but the beach was still enjoyable.

My cousin in-law is really sweet and she was asking me how the transition was for me and she was telling me a few of her high school stories and her story of when she changed schools in the middle of high school.

I was really interested in her stories and I found myself relating to how she felt when she went through it more and more.

She told me advice that I've heard so many times before but didn't take seriously until now.

Don't hold back.

She told me all the things she regretted not doing and how you don't really think about it and regret it until later in life.

I guess it's the fact that it was personal to her and that she had a hint of sadness in her voice for not doing everything she told me about that made me realize that I should expand my horizons a bit.

I've decided that I'm going to try out for my school's baseball team.

It's nothing much, but it's a start.

I don't want to regret anything from my school years, I'd rather do it and say "Why on earth did I think that that was a good idea?" than always wonder "What if?"

I'm going to make this school worth something for me and you guys shouldn't be afraid to do the same.


One More Girl, no longer online.

First Day Back To School

As many of you know, this summer I decided to change quite a bit and that includes schools and completely changing school boards.

Today was my first day of school and it wasn't...disastrous.

Two girls on my softball team are also attending the school, so I was going to meet up with them before classes started, but I'm not in any of their classes.

I was the first one out of us three to get to the school, so I spent a good five minutes standing around on my own in a crowded hallway, pretending to be interested in something on my phone.

When one of my friends showed up, I felt a lot more at ease.

We waited a bit until our other friend came and she showed us to our classes (because I never got a proper orientation to the school and my friend is coming from being homeschooled), so I wasn't the first one in the classroom.

On the contrary, it was quite full.

Honestly, it's one of my biggest fear to walk in a quiet room full of people that I don't know.

The people I knew at the school were all in different classes. At times there were kids that I knew from seeing around town, but there was no one in my class that I properly, previously, knew.

My heart was pounding and I got so worried that I went straight for the back of the class and didn't make eye contact with anyone.

It remained like that for my next class, too, but it got better from there.

I had English class and I ended up sitting next to a girl who knew me a little bit because she saw me teaching swimming lessons and recognized me, so we chatted for a bit and she's really nice.

During English, the teacher had us write up a little one minute presentation about ourselves so she could get to know us a little better and for our classmates to learn something about us.

Presentations took place today and more are happening tomorrow, but I went today.

It was awful, I was shaking, my heartbeat sped up again, I felt as though I was stumbling over words, I was at lost for words and I just wanted to leave the room.

I didn't though, I stuck with it and got it done and I was happy with myself for that.

I'm not great with oral presentations, especially in a place where I don't know anyone, but as soon as I got that over with, I felt a lot better.

By the time lunch ended and I had to go to my third class, I felt better. I got the worst part of the day over with and I spoke in front of the class.

By the end of third period, I had talked to a total of three people (including the girl from English class) and they were all really friendly.

It was funny because I was talking to a guy in my class and as you all might know I'm bilingual, and transferring terminology from math and science will be the hardest thing for me, but I struck up a deal with him that if he helps me in math, I'll help him in French.

I was lucky today because I had an off-block/free period, so I got to go home right after my third class.

Tomorrow and Friday I will have had a full school day (and school picture day on Thursday), so I'll have to give you guys my overall impression of the school (mainly just the classes I have this first semester) on Sunday after giving it some thought on Saturday.

First days are always the worst and always make people feel nervous, but as soon are you get over that one big drop where you get the most nerve wracking event over and done with, it's smooth sailing from there.

If you're nervous like I was, all you have to do is start a conversation with one person and you can stick by them during other classes. They could be just as nervous as you are and are more than happy to have you by their side.

I understand how difficult it can be to change schools and be in an environment with new people, so don't feel bad if you don't jump in and start talking to people right away. Take your time with it and go at a pace that you find comfortable.

There's only one first day, so as soon as that's done, it might be a little easier to breathe.


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Health Matters

If I'm going to be honest with you guys, I might as well admit this.

For probably the last year, I haven't had my priorities set straight at all.

When I say that, I mean that not even my own needs were at the top of my priorities.

I'm the type of person who will feel as though it's their fault if one of their friends aren't prepared for a school test or project and still offer to help them study or finish the project even if they know fully well that they should be study or spending time working on their project.

I have often put other people before myself.

Although I gave that example, the one that is currently present in my life at the moment is still involving school and myself.

For the past year, I have been putting school in front of my own health.

I have thrown away my sleep schedule for my school work and in the result of that, I've made myself sick. Of course, when I was sick, I would miss a day or two of school putting my behind in class work, staying up late to get all my work done and it's just a vicious circle.

I caught a cold on Monday, so I stayed home today. My best friend texted me to tell me that we have a project due in science class and to remind me of a math test and English essay coming up.

Even though I'm at home, sick, I couldn't think much of anything else except for the school work I have soon. I couldn't even focus on my own recovery.

Even though it's the end of the school year, classes have yet to slow down.

The worst for me is that I'm a perfectionist. If my work isn't as perfect as I believe it can be, I will stay up all night to get it perfect and then go to school as if I had eight hours of sleep.

I have let the idea of school and every single grade completely ruling my future that I'm slowly letting it ruin my health.

If it weren't for my parents, I probably wouldn't have any energy at this point of the year.

In the past, I have had teachers be angry at me for not having the homework to hand in, yet once I reminded them that I was sick the previous day, it was suddenly alright.

What if I have a panic or anxiety attack that evening and can't get my work done? The teachers would still be angry because I can't come straight out and tell them why I couldn't get it done, so the answer has to be "I just couldn't get it done," and if they ask why, then that's an automatic "I forgot about it."

It's not fair that it's been drilled into students' minds, or at least mine, that school work and homework are so important that our own health should be forgotten.

I shouldn't have my mindset on an English essay or math homework when I still get dizzy after standing up.

It will be hard to change things now, but by next year, hopefully I'll always be able to remember that no work is more important than my own health.

I'm going to have my priorities straight for next year.


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A Few Thoughts On School

Since middle school started, it's never been my favourite thing.

Then again, I don't think that many students do enjoy school.

As I've expressed in my post School and Cameras, I find that some rules are unfair in the school system.

As far as rules go, I can't say I'm all that happy about them.

There's that whole dress code thing which is a little ridiculous because they're quite sexist. Boys can wear muscle tank tops, but as soon as girls wear them, shoulders are suddenly a major turn on for everyone.

And then there's the whole problem that companies don't make athletic shorts for girls that are an appropriate length, therefore I can't wear the only comfortable shorts I own.

Getting a little off track with what I wanted to mainly write this post about, but they're still my thoughts on things involving school.

Now what I wanted to talk about are the classes themselves.

Throughout the years, they teach you things which they build on the following years. I think that's great, that's a good way to go about things.

The thing that bugs me is that most teachers complain about having too much material to teach and they feel as though they're going to run out of time, but why do they have to teach the unreasonable things?

I'm going to specify on what's going on at my school at the moment, but this could apply to you in any subject.

Currently in gym class, we're doing dance and gymnastics.

Like I said before, school tend to teach you something in one year and build on it the following years.

The question I have is why am I still doing dance and gymnastics when I did it back in grade 3?

I understand that I don't have a choice as to what teachers have to teach, but I should have a choice in how I present things.

For my dance and gymnastics module, the last thing we have to do is perform a dance that's roughly a minute long that you and your partner created in front of the class.

Doing that is something I'm extremely uncomfortable with.

I have expressed that I'm really uncomfortable with this to my teacher before, but "because everyone else is doing it, so do I."

Has anyone else approached her with the same feeling about it? I don't know, but if a student is extremely uncomfortable doing something in front of the class, they should be aloud to do it some other way, whether it's in front of the teacher alone or you don't have the whole class intently staring at them while doing it.

If I were to roll my ankle or injure myself in any way in between now and the day that I have to dance in front of the class, then I get a free pass. I don't have to do the dance, nor will I have to make up for it later.

If I were to go up to my teacher and say that I'm extremely uncomfortable, I'll most likely be told that everyone gets nervous yet everyone else before me did it.

I'm sorry, but if something is causing my internal distress, there should be something done about it!

Teachers say that school should be a safe and fun learning environment. If I'm being put into a situation of internal distress, that should be taken into consideration. Something should be done to make the student more comfortable.

Just because I don't have any physical problem such as a broken bone doesn't mean that I'm not struggling on the inside.

With the way the world is going in this day and age, teachers should be trained on how to deal with these types of situations.

Your comfort level is not something to be tossed around with. If something is happen that you're really not comfortable with, try anything you can to find a solution.


One More Girl, no longer online