My First Exams and What I Learnt From Them

Well it's been quite a time since I last wrote.

The last time I posted was a few days before my exams started and I expressed how I wasn't feeling too stressed about things and that I was feeling pretty good.

Things didn't go the way I thought they would.

My Sunday before exams was planned out: go to work, tutor a student in my French class for our exam and then study math for myself.

My work shift is just 9am-12pm Sunday mornings, however I got myself into a bit of a jam because I took an extra shift right after.

They were desperate for someone else to work, so I step up because frankly, I need the money.

It wasn't too bad, but I ended up working 9am-5pm.

That set everything back at least three hours.

I only met my friend to help him study French at around 5:30 and we both had to leave at 7:15. 

I did as much as I could to help him prepare and taught him how to answer the question with the words already placed in the question.

I found out today once I walked past him in the hallway that he passed the exam which is great! He struggled with a failing grade for the majority of the semester, however he was able to bring it up in the end!

After I got home, I studied for math and then went to bed for a good night's rest before exams.

I woke up the day of my first exam feeling immensely sick.

The stomach flu had been going around just a few days before and I was convinced that I got sick myself.

There's not much you can do, you can't miss an exam unless a family member has passed away or that you're hospitalized. 

I went to school on Monday and wrote my first two exams, English then French, and felt progressively better throughout the day.

I thought I was getting better and went to bed early that night to be refreshed for my morning math exam on Tuesday.

I woke up and the stomach pains hit me harder than ever.

I couldn't eat, I couldn't drink, I had a headache and my mind was set that I had the flu.

Once again, nothing I could've done so I went to school.

I used my whole two hours to work on my math exam and when I walked out of the exam room, all of my symptoms disappeared.

There's nothing else it could've been except for anxiety. If that's the case, I've never had anxiety at a constant level that high before.

It was crazy to realize that it was anxiety, but then I figured that I must've been so stressed about my exams that I kept my mind busy with anything and everything, like taking an extra shift and focusing on tutoring someone else, to keep my thoughts from drifting to my exams.

Im so glad I have them over with and that I've started my second semester, however I learnt an important lesson.

In a few years from now, possibly even one year from now, those marks won't matter.

Your exam marks don't define you as a person. They don't test your knowledge in a skill rather than your memorization skill. It's completely unfair to tell students that they all learn in unique ways yet have a standardized test to challenge what we can remember, however there's nothing that we can do about that yet.

Anyway, your exam results are a number, a fraction or a percentage that you won't be able to remember in two years time. 

Those digits will not define you as a person or limit you to what you can do in your life.

If anyone else had exams I hope you did well and if you have any coming up, I wish you the best of luck.

One More Girl, no longer online

Life Happened

Isn't it a little ironic how when I make a post about coming back from an abrupt break, I disappeared for a bit?

Sorry about that.

In the time that I've disappeared from my blog, it's not that I became less interested, but life got in the way. 

Allow me catch you up.

I've got school exams starting next Monday (January 25th), however I've mainly been procrastinating with my studies. I only have three exams; English, French and math. I know I can study for math, I'm going to write up proper notes for all the modules on my math exam, but I have no clue how to study for a language exam.

French will be very easy for me considering my upbringing so I don't feel the need to study it at all, however for English, I could use all of the help I can get.

I'm doing well enough as it is, but I'm awful at analyzing texts and going "deeper" into the symbolic meaning of it. 

I feel like I should be worrying about my exams a lot more, but I'm not and it confuses me a little bit. However my Sunday night post might be me writing about how much I'm worrying about my exams on Monday.

Along with those classes, I'm also taking band. 

For that class, we practice conducting for a week and then had an exam (The exam was just conducting a small piece to the class while the other students played). I was feeling really good for the conducting exam because every time I practiced in front of the class, I felt as though I did really good; the only thing I had to remember was to distribute my weight evenly and not lean to one side.

Midway through my exam, I tried to shift my weight, I missed a beat and missed a cue.

Honestly, I thought my mark on my exam was going to bring down my overall mark in band, but my semi-bad exam raised my mark. I got a 99% on my band exam.

I was shocked and extremely happy.

It just goes to show that you should have faith in yourself because you'll do better than you might think you did and that exams aren't going to define who you are as a person if you mess at the wrong time.

That's everything that's happened to me during school, but more has happened outside of my school life, too.

Friday night at supper my mom got a call from my uncle. He was calling to let us know that he was in hospital and recovering after getting treatment for a heart attack.

He was shoveling his driveway and started to have chest pains, but he waited the following day before telling my aunt that he needed to go to the hospital.

It was definitely a shock to my family, but we knew how to handle it since my dad has suffered from two heart attacks himself.

My uncle is the father of my cousin who lives in New York, so she came home for a bit to be with her parents. My mom and I were able to visit her, my aunt and my uncle when he was able to return home. He's doing really good though, he's recovering greatly.

That's family life covered, only thing left is personal life.

I'm doing pretty well, I feel as though the realisation of exams will hit me later sooner or later. I, myself was in a hospital for a bit because of chest pain, but I was told I pulled some muscles across my chest while teaching from the repeated force of having kids jumps into my chest rather than my arms.

Other than that, I'm in perfect health! I'm sleeping more, going to the gym and eating actual, full meals.

So that's everything I missed during this accidental break and it's really nice to be back to blogging, but as I said, life got in the way.


One More Girl, no longer online

Balancing Out Stress From Work

I know that I've been less than faithful with my posting schedule, but everything is a little hectic at the moment.

School work is picking up, I'm starting to have more homework to do and more things to memorize; and on top of that I have my job and report cards to write.

Many people are confused when I say that I have report cards to write, but I do them for the swimming lesson classes I teach.

For the term I'm working, there's a total of 10 weeks, therefore 10 classes. By around the 7th or 8th week, we start to write report cards for the kids in the classes, hand them in to the looked over for week 9 and then hand them out on week 10.

I thought that it would be a breeze, but I was very wrong.

I have many classes with little kids and I can't say that many of them are passing.

They all have the same main problem which is they can't float.

While writing report cards, I can't wright the same thing in them because of they're friends within classes and parents compare report cards, that doesn't reflect too well on myself.

There's only oh so many ways you can word "Remember to squeeze your bum and to look up at the ceiling to help you float!"

Personalizing every single report cards wasn't the issue, it was the phrasing.

However I have managed to get almost all of them done, I believe that I have completed around 65 report cards and only have 10 more.

I didn't realize that I taught so many kids.

As you could imaging, 65 report cards with 10 more to go, schoolwork and general life events have made it difficult for me to write.

My Sunday evening was spent at the dining room table, report cards and worksheets all around me.

I love blogging, it's something that I want to do seriously when I'm older, but at the moment other things such as work and school will have to come first.

Admittedly, I've been feeling stressed because of the report cards.

I honestly wondered if teaching and writing a total of 75 report cards was worth it when I could make sandwiches or pour coffee into a cup for the same amount of money.

Then I realized that it was.

It's such a great feeling when a kid gets something right after weeks of working on it and you can pass them to the next level.

Writing so many report cards is worst is because you get to know these kids over the span of 10 weeks and you get to know their personalities and some of them you grow to like.

One father asked if I would have his daughter next term and I honestly hope so because even though she didn't cover all of the skills, she was always smiling and having fun and that's what makes my job great.

There's always going to be a stressful factor whether it's report cards, the environment you work in, the location, the people, the coworkers; but if there's something to balance out that stress, then you know it's worth it.

One More Girl, no longer online

Love & Fear

The human race is where it's at today purely because of two emotions.

Love and fear.

Had the first forms of human life been fearless, they would've died out (along with the human race) because they wouldn't have been afraid to go discover something new. There would've been no bell going off in the back of their heads saying "Hey, maybe we shouldn't do this!"

Fear has been what's keeping the human species on its toes; always ready with a fight or flight instinct.

We have distinctly love to thanks to be here today because love is the reason as to why human are reproducing.

For billions of years, love and fear have fun the earth.

The reason as to why we do something that's scary is because the weight of their confidence and love for something is bigger than their fear of being on the ice.

Humans have stayed and have done something to remind themselves of home.

Humans are incredible at he best of times.

They're capable of trying something new because their love of fear is simply bigger and greater than their fear.

Deciding to try something new is not necessarily being brave, but it's knowing that you have emotions stronger than the emotion of fear that's making you do something new.


One More Girl, no longer online

Having Too Much On Your Plate

Yes, it is Thursday and not my usual Wednesday post, but here's my reason as to why my bi-weekly post is late:

I was tired.

I haven't had the greatest sleep pattern since school as started, I've been going to bed very late with headaches, waking up early with headaches and it's not the greatest cycle for me.

I spend the majority of my day with headaches and I shouldn't be.

With all of this going on, I also work all day Saturday and then Sunday morning.

By the time Sunday afternoon comes around, I'm tired and I don't want to do all that much.

My plate is already full. My weeks have been pretty eventful.

Yesterday, I was in class when I received an email notification.

I'm in a Facebook group for work, and every time someone posts, I get an email notification.

It was a co-worker of mine looking for a teaching substitute to cover his 4:15-8:15 shift.

Four hours is a long time to be working as a teacher. It's a long time in the pool and you're bound to get cold within the first hour and a half.

I didn't know whether or not I wanted cover his shift, but after talking with my mom, I decided to take the shift because I could get more experience, get as many favours as possible, and I do need to earn money.

I ended up really enjoying the shift. I did get very cold about halfway through, but I made it to the end.

My last class was suppose to end at 8:15, but it went over until 8:20-8:25. There's absolutely no problem with that, it's just that I was so tired.

I got home at maybe 9:15, had supper, lied on my bed with full intention of writing a post, but I kept drifting off to sleep.

When I took that extra shift, I thought that I was doing it for me, I thought that I was doing it to earn money to put towards a trip, but I realized that I was wrong.

I also took that shift because I didn't want my coworker to worry. I didn't ask why, but I didn't want him to worry the whole day over if he would get a substitute for the shift or not.

It's not my responsibility. We are a facility with 30+ employees, I'm not the only one who would've been able to take the shift, I was the first to offer.

I shouldn't feel stressed or anxious about my evening if I'm taking someone else's shift. I'm doing it because I can, but sometimes I do it because I think I have to.

It is not my responsibility to make sure that someone else's shift is cover when I'm not working. Of course I can take the shift if I don't have any homework and I'm feeling okay, but there are supervisors that could have also covered his shift.

I should feel stressed over someone else's shift, that's not what I signed up for.

I'm going to plan my day and make sure that I have everything under control before I take on any extra shifts.


One More Girl, no longer online

The Beginning Of An Amazing Adventure

I've always been a wanderer at heart.

I remember when I was younger, my mom would be in the living room with her cup of tea in the morning and she would be watching travel shows, and I would be making mental lists of where I wanted to go.

I would watch the show with her, but I was never actually there because I dreamt about being in the location of the travel episode we were watching.

Growing up. I still am filled with wanderlust, but I can't exactly do anything about it yet.

I can picture these grand and amazing adventures when I can't even afford two packs of gum.

As I grew older, the desire to travel and to have an adventure was put on the backburner while I started to focus more on school and my jobs.

When things in my life started to get too chaotic, I saw adventures as a way to leave everything behind. It's like as soon as I have the greatest adventure of my life, I'll be okay.

I'd be leaving the stress of work, of school and of home life behind me.

It would only be me and an unexplored part of the world to me that was just waiting to be explored.

I've heard travel stories from dozens of people, and every time I hear a story, I feel as though something is missing in my life and and I won't feel while until I have this grand adventure.

I spent the day with my friends today and one that I'm particularly close to kept saying that we were going on an adventure whenever we started to walk to a new destination.

I never realized how right he was until today.

According to Google, the definition of an adventure is "An unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity."

Although it's not always hazardous, spending time with my friends, there's always something unusual and exciting. There's always something to laugh at, you never know what topics are going to come up in conversation; it's always an adventure.

Something else that's unusual and exciting is that from where I live, there's a lunar eclipse tonight.

I've been photographing it and watching in amazement as the moon is slowly becoming dark and then red.

I don't think I've ever watched a lunar eclipse before, so this is something completely new and interesting and amazing to me.

With all of these events going on, I realized that adventures don't have to be as big and as extraordinary as I pictured them when I was younger, they just have to be something new to me.

I am not in the part of my life where I can control anything whenever and however I want to and I know that, but I'm not going to let that stop me from trying to fill that emptiness I have from not being able to have a great adventure right now, but I don't have to go far to have an amazing adventure.

Sometimes the greatest adventures of them all happen where you least expect them to.


One More Girl, no longer online

My Life, My Time

Seeing as it's summer, my parents want to see me outside, hanging out with friends and generally being out and about, but that's not necessarily what I want or what can happen at the moment.

Admittedly, I haven't gone out of my way to make plans with friends because I feel as though they're all busy and I don't want to bother them by texting them.

I've also been spending a lot of time at home with the dog, but today my mom reminded me that it is okay if I leave the house for a few hours because my grandmother also goes out and leaves the dog on her own.

After she told me that, I just so happened to be told that I could go out and meet my dad for lunch.

This seems like a perfectly nice offer that any teen stuck at home would've taken because it's a free lunch at a restaurant, how wouldn't want that?

It just wasn't what I wanted today.

I love my parents and with everything that they do for me, I don't mind spending time with them. When my mom told me that I could go, I feel as though she was certain that I was going to say yes.

Honestly, I was a little hesitant but I still went.

I was hesitant because I wasn't hungry for lunch and I was a little tired.

Seeing as though I was on the fence about going, I decided to go anyway.

In the end, I did end up enjoying the lunch and I ate most of what I ordered.

I couldn't help to think that this could be part of the problem.

A little while back, I wrote my post Bad Habits and how you shouldn't be ashamed of them and if you want to overcome one, it will take time.

Another one of my bad habits is to put everyone else's feelings before my own.

When my cousin came up for vacation from New York, she had tickets for us to go to Jazz Fest, but I also happened to have a softball game that night. My dad had to go drop something off at the field, and when he was there, he called me to let me know that my team was down one player and would most likely have to forfeit if I didn't play.

I was torn, not by what I wanted to do, but what I thought everyone else wanted me to do.

I see my cousin for about the time period of one to two weeks per year, I rarely miss any softball practices or games, I would be missing part of an event that my cousin and I were looking forward to for months, my team would lose a game because of me, my cousin payed for these tickets herself, my softball team would be single handedly let down by me.

I had so many thoughts going through my head that I couldn't even think of what I wanted for myself.

My mom told me that I would be upset one way or another, and seeing the time and situation I was in, I decided to go to the concert with my cousin. That didn't stop me from feeling terrible for the first few hours.

With lunch today, I decided to go myself, but I thought that if I didn't go, I'd be disappointing both of my parents.

When I got home, I started to think about things like that more.

In the end, it's my life.

I shouldn't have to spend time doing something or going somewhere that I don't want to go.

If I end up regretting, then all the blame is on me. 

If I'm on the fence about something, I always try and give it a chance because if I don't like it, I can stop whatever I'm doing or leave wherever I was heading to.

If I want to do something or go somewhere, great, I'm all in, but I don't want to spend time from my life doing stuff that I don't enjoy.

I wouldn't be blogging this today if I didn't like writing.

Although I'm still young and I can't have a complete say as to what I do all the time, I'm going to start managing my time better because I'm tired of doing stuff that I don't actually want to do. 

It's my life, I can spend it's time however I want to and I shouldn't feel guilty about it. 

Even if I can't start that now, that's one of my biggest goals for the future.


One More Girl, no longer online

Fear And Regret

Admittedly, I didn't write a post yesterday like I usually do. I don't have any reason as to why other than the fact that I didn't really know what to write about.

There hasn't been anything extraordinarily different in my life to write about, and I was at a lack of inspiration for a post.

I went to bed slightly frustrated with myself that I couldn't think of something to write about, but I realized that you can't set a fixed time for inspiration for something. If you do, it probably won't turn out the way you want it to, so it's okay to wait for that inspiration to hit. 

My inspiration for this post hit me today when I was texting a friend and he was telling me that he was nervous and scared to go to a camp that goes for a few weeks and that's a 15 hour drive away/2 hour flight away from home.

I could understand why he would be scared and nervous; he's going alone, there's no one that he already knows going with him. If I were in his shoes, I would be terrified to do it. He's quite courageous to be doing it, honestly.

Having been in that situation myself with a different scenario, I told him what I thought.

I told him that being nervous and scared to go is normal, who wouldn't feel that way? I said that he would certainly make friends. He was still a little hesitant, saying that he supposed that that was true.

Finally, I told him something that helped me figure things out for myself.

I told him that he'd regret if it he didn't go.

Yes, he would be home with the people that he knows, he would be with friends, but he would always wonder what would happen if he didn't go.

While texting I said "You might be scared now, yes, but will you regret not going because fear is holding you back? Probably," and he agreed.

He said that he would regret it and told me that that's a good way of thinking about things.

I gave the advice that I was too scared to follow myself, so I changed that.

As some of you may know, I've had a choice to make: to stay at my current school which is French or change to the local English High School.

Although the English school seemed like the better choice, I was terrified to make the official decision, terrified to regret it. After thinking about it, I realize that I will most likely regret the choice I never took. 

I don't want to live my life that way.

I don't want to regret anything, I want to try everything. Not everything is my cup of tea, I realize that, but how can I find that perfect brew if I never try it? Sure I might have some unpleasant tea at times, but that's how you find the perfect brew.

I decided to follow my own advice and I'm going to the local English high school.

Fear is associated with regret, the go hand in hand, you'll feel one or the other at times.

Just because you fear something though, doesn't mean you regret it.

Don't hold back on something because you're scared of regret. If you don't try it, you'll regret that too. Might as well try something and know that you regretted it.

One More Girl, no longer online

Life's Adventure Pace

Something I haven't written about on my blog before is that I have received a few certifications. 

So far, I have up to my bronze cross certification (think of it as I'm 2/3 of the way to being a lifeguard) and my AWSI (Assistant Water Safety Instructor) certification (I'm halfway to being a swim teacher).

To be a Water Safety Instructor, in other words: an official swimming teacher, I have to complete my WSI course.

I will actually complete that course Monday, then I'm certified to teach swimming lessons.

Both courses last seven weeks each, so I've been doing a course every single Monday from 5pm-9pm every Monday for the past thirteen weeks, and Monday will be my fourteenth/final week. 

Throughout the time of the course, I've been feeling as though my parents are more excited for this than I am.

Both my parents and older sister have followed in the same footsteps: do all 10 swim levels, swim for a team, teach swimming lessons, become a pool lifeguard and then a beach lifeguard.

I've done up to swimming for a team, but I'll soon start to teach lessons like it's expected of me.

To be honest with you all, I'm terrified for it.

Being on my own with up to eight young kids in a potentially very dangerous environment for them, that terrifies me. If something goes wrong one day, it's on me and I'll blame myself for it every single day.

I don't know what to think of it. They make you do practice teaching, but even then, you're not on your own. The original teacher is still with the class and can help out at any time.

The reason as to why I'm mentioning all of this is because this evening, I went to babysit this little girl. She falls right into the category as to what ages I'll most likely teach.

I know that everyone is different and that I knew this girl prior to going to babysit, but I started to get comfortable with the idea of teaching her.

I thought "Hey, I could do it. She's a really nice kid, good listener and will try new things! I could so teach her!"

Then I remembered that not all kids are like her and will be as sweet as her, nor the same age.

I then started to remember my initial feelings about the whole situation and thought about how they haven't really changed at all.

I'm still working up the courage to tell my parents that I don't want to teach swimming lessons, not yet anyway.

Something that I have trouble remembering, and I know that many others also do, is just because you're expected to do something, that doesn't mean that you have to do it.

Life is a journey to the grave.Yes, it should be adventurous in your own way, but you should also be adventurous at your own pace. Not your parents or your siblings pace, but your own pace.

One More Girl, no longer online 

Messages In Different Formats

Over centuries, messages have been delivered in many different formats.

Messages can be expressed in the form of music, art, quotes, rallies/protest, letters, stories, facial expression, photos and poetry.

There's so many ways to get one message across...it's amazing if you think about it.

Personally, music is a big one for me because you can interpret the message from the lyrics and also the instrumental music. With some songs, it can be sad lyrics yet an upbeat tempo and I find that the message getting across is that someone can be feeling the most intense pain ever, but they always try to cover it up by being happy or not drawing attention to it.

With art, people love that because there's the artist intentions of the message and then the viewers interruption of the message.

It's the same for photos, really. Maybe my reason for taking the photo is different than what you think was my reason to.

Whenever getting a message across had to do with words on a page, so letters, quotes or stories, there's always the literal message and then the message you read in between the lines.

I've never been great a deciphering the messages in poetry. I know that there's always a second meaning to every poem, but I focus more on the one right in front of me.

When I hear or read the poem for the first time, I really do understand the literal meaning of the message, but it will take me a few times to understand the hidden message.

That's why I like direct poems.

I love poems where I don't have to figure out the message. I love poems that when I hear or read it once, I can't stop thinking about it, it's running through my mind for the rest of the day.

There's this one poem I heard awhile ago and ever since then, I've probably listened to it once each day.

The poem is called 21 by Patrick Roche.

It's the poem about how having an alcoholic family member has affected the different years of his life. More so, what he remembers what happened during different years of his life.

We hear stories about people being alcoholics and how families are negatively affected, yet we never quite understand to what extent the family members are affected in bad cases.

When I heard this poem for the first time, my stomach dropped.

I had this knot in my stomach that wouldn't go away.

I can't say that because I heard this poem, I know what his experience was like because in all reality, I don't. What I got out of the poem is what it's really like for them, how bad a relapse affects everyone.

When you read something yourself, you can picture it in your mind, but it's also easier to forget.

When you hear someone else read what they wrote or tell a story of their own experience, you can feel the emotions that they felt. They have passion and truth behind each word that they say. You can't forget their words, no matter what.

So to leave you guys, here's the video of the poem that I watched. If you've watched it already, let me know what you thought of it! If you've never watched it before, please take a minute to watch it, I promise that it's worth it.

One More Girl, no longer online

The Story Of A Reject

Back in 7th grade, my best friend became good friends with another group of girls. 

I didn't see this as anything bad or threatening, I was happy for her! However, I was terrified of losing my best friend, so I felt inclined to also join that group of girls.

Everything was fine for awhile, I guess. They were nice and funny, but I knew I was never fully accepted by them. I was constantly out of the loop of things, never invited to plans that were being made right in front of me and things like that for months. It hurt, but I dealt with it to stay with my best friend.

I finally figured out that I really wasn't accepted there when I got called their charity case.

Fast forward a few years, I found myself some new friends that I got really close with. 

It wasn't the same as the other group. I was accepted by them, I was invited to things, it was almost the complete opposite and it was nice.

In the past few months though, I have felt as though I've become less and less accepted.

I wasn't (still not really) invited to things, I'm not included, I'm constantly being talked around and it's frustrating. 

I don't know what I did wrong, I don't know why I've been treated like this, but I never really did anything about it. I never called anyone out nor did I ever do what others have done to me.

I'm glad I never did those two things.

Today during lunch, there was something that unfolded between the group of friends that I'm supposedly apart of, and three of the girls were really upset.

I knew what happened, yet I tried not to say anything to make the situation worst. I simply went up and helped them.

This was a time that they really needed someone and I'm glad that I could be there for them. 

Although past events have happened, you have to put all of that behind you at some point and do the humane thing.

Nothing ever goes to plan, and that also means friendships. If you think you can strengthen a friendship with someone, don't give up on them completely. 

Someday, they'll realize that you stuck around and that you were there for them when they needed you , and they'll be thankful. They won't befriend you over again out of pity, but they'll realize just how lucky they are to have someone so loyal and caring.


One More Girl, no longer online 

Vacation

Friday was the official start of March break for me, and I couldn't be anymore relieved.

I have found that recently I have these piles of stress on my shoulders, so it will be great to be able to take a week for myself and not have to worry about school, courses, work, and day to day life.

I have been starting to dread the thought of school more and more recently, but that's probably because it's all I've known. It's the same exact thing, five days a week, six hours a day, it does start to get dull.

I'm lucky enough to be traveling this March break, and I get to travel to Jamaica tomorrow morning. I'm so excited to go, I'm really excited for the change in scenery for a little bit and it will be a good little change for me. 

I have to admit, I'm a little nervous about the plane ride. I have been on one before, but I still always get nervous about 24 hours before I go.

Something that I have been super stressed over at school is that we were assigned the biggest history project of the year, only had one class to work on it in school, and were assigned to do it over March break so we can hand it in the day we get back (The 23rd).

If you ask me, that is unfair. Many people are going away for the break and many have been away before the teachers even gave us the project. I say teachers as in plural because we currently have a trainee teacher in charge of this project while our regular teacher is in the back of the class doing some other work.

I have been working on this project at home, but with all the outcomes I have to meet, it feels as if it's going to be impossible to finish before I leave.

My parents agree with me and do see my point of view on this matter and have emailed my regular teacher, informing her that I probably won't have it in on time, but that's not necessarily my fault. I know for a fact that it hasn't only been my parents to do so.

I guess that's another reason as to why I'm nervous for this vacation; I won't be able to get any work done and that will only be a bigger burden on my shoulders when I get home.

My parents have told me not to worry over it, and I think that's exactly what I'm going to do.

It's not everyday that I can escape the freezing Canadian weather and that I have the chance to go to Jamaica for the week. 

My teachers are informed that I won;t have it in on time, so that should be enough.

Everyone deserves a break that they're going to enjoy, so that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Among the fact that I'm traveling to Jamaica, my family and I are staying at this really small resort (about 60 rooms I believe), so to have wifi, we would have to pay a fee. I'm not sure what this fee is, whether it's 40$ a day or 60$ a week, but what I do know is that my parents have decided to not pay for this fee and to have this vacation be a disconnected one.

Honestly? I'm excited for that. I know that I spend a lot of time online, so it will be amazing to get away from all temptation of that and to see a part of the world that I've never seen before. Sadly, though, it means that I won't be able to post on my blog like regularly. So there's not going to be a post Wednesday or Sunday, but my next actual post will be on Wednesday March 25th.

I have to admit though, I'm not 100% sure about the whole wifi situation, but I will try and stay off it as much as I can. If there is a chance to use wifi, I might use it to upload some pictures that I took onto my blog so that I won't use up all my storage space on my camera memory card, but that will be it. 

What are you guys doing? Any plans for March break? I think that the break in March is for Canadians and a few others around the world, I'm pretty sure that Americans had their break in February, but even so, what did you do then? Feel free to let me know!

I'll see you all again when I get back. 

One More Girl, no longer online

Bumps In The Road

This afternoon, I went to the doctors and I heard the words that I was terrified to hear, yet deep down, I knew that they were coming.

At the moment, I'm still having trouble processing it all, so I don't feel up to opening about all of that quite yet, but maybe a little later on in the future I'll be open to talking about it.

Tonight's post is going to be a short one that's going to be a reminder for myself in the future, and maybe it could be one for you right now.

They say that life's a journey and you never know what to expect on that journey, and I learnt a little more about that with today.

For a journey, I assume that you need some sort of transport and grounds to get across.

For me, I see life as a dirt road.

It's a dirt road because some parts are as smooth as ever, others are a little patchy yet still manageable, and others are extremely rough, not necessarily in that order and on a constant loop.

I'm currently in the extremely rough part of that long dirt road, and all I can say for anyone else that might also be on that part of the road is that it may not look like it, but there will be a smooth part coming up.

Trust me, I know what it's like to see a rough part of the road for ages, but everything comes to an end at some point, right? No, sadly I can't say whether that the smooth part is coming up in a few minutes or in a few days, I can't tell you when it is, but I can promise that it's waiting to greet you.

Although you may feel terribly alone right now or when you but that rough part, you're not alone. That's probably the hardest, yet most important thing to remember. You're not alone, there's always help somewhere and there's always someone looking to support you.

Even if you don't believe it, I'm supporting you. I'm rooting for you to find that smooth part of the road.

I don't know what your current life situation is. I don't know if it might be a little rocky or if it's a smooth ride for awhile, but there's always going to be bumps in the road and you don't have to let it become a mountain for you.

Whatever you have to do, slow it down. There's no point in blowing a tire or damaging your car while trying to speed over the bumps.

What I want for anyone who reads this to take from it is that things do get better, and there's always someone cheering you on, even if you don't see them.


One More Girl, no longer online

Being Body Positive

A study by the Dove Self-Esteem Project (DSEP) reveals that 47% of teen girls between the ages of 11 to 14 refuse to take part in activities that will show off their body in any way, such as swimming or performing in front of the school (drama class).

Almost half of the girls that took part of this study have low self esteem. The worst part is that these girls are in the age range of 11 to 14 years old. That's far to young to be worrying about body image, yet sadly, this is what society has come to.

I will admit that I've struggled with self esteem for awhile now. I'll share a little bit about my story and then say how I'm starting to build it back up.

As many others could relate to, I struggle to love certain body parts. I've never loved my stomach, my back or my shoulders. I was never confident about my weight.

When I started going to the gym, I was always uncomfortable because you see all these people walking past you, clearly haven been working out for years. You'd see anything from slim bodies to strong muscles, and yes, I was envious of others.

After a summer of the gym and swim training, I started to notice little changes about my body.

I was slightly slimmer, stronger arm and leg muscles, and so on. Although I was happy with my change...it's almost as if it wasn't enough.

I can't remember where I saw or heard these words, but I'd love to share them. Just know that they're not mine.

In the end, it doesn't matter what your body was like. We all have the same goal: to live life to the fullest and die with no regrets. When we're gone, we aren't remembered by what our bodies looked like, but we're remembered by the things we do and the people we reached out to.

Those words really helped me get through my low self-esteem and is currently still inspiring me everyday.

When you stand in front of the mirror and you start to think about all the things you want, reverse that. 

Start off by saying one thing you love about yourself, whether its body or personality, and build yourself up. Start with one, say another, and another, and another.

If your makeup looks nice on a day, say it to yourself! 
If your hair is how you want it to be, say it!
If your outfit is the nicest thing you'e ever seen, say it!
If you like your eyes, shout it out!
If you love your legs, make sure others know!

It's okay to not be 100% happy with your body right now, but you can build yourself up to that point.

Saying that you like something about yourself, you might not want to come across as vain, but why not? You're loving your body, the only one you will ever get, and I don't think that's a bad thing.

If there is a certain thing you don't like about yourself, there's always a solution. You don't have to think that it's horrible, you can find a solution! Find clothes that flatter your figure, you can dye your hair, you can use nail polish if you don't like your nails, do whatever will make you, and only you happy. Just remember that you don't have to go through drastic measures. 

Now let's say this together:

It's okay to have flaws. I will come to love myself. It might not be soon, but it will happen.

I hope this might of have an impact on you guys as it did for me when I heard those words from before.


One More Girl, no longer online

Growing Apart From A Friend

I'm still a little bit of the same when I say this, but when I was younger and I would go shopping with my mom, I would fall in love.

My mom would let me pick out a new shit that she would buy for me and I would always find a shirt that I loved. My mom would buy it for me, I would repeatedly say "Thank You!" because I was so excited that she would buy something that amazing for me.

I would wear that new shirt that I loved so much as often as possible. I would pretty much live in that shirt.

Soon enough though, that new shirt would become old.

It wouldn't have the same bright colour, yet instead a faded one. It wouldn't fit the same way as it did the day I got it, it would lose it's form. It wasn't new, so my mom would bring me with her to the mall once again and let me pick out a new shirt. The process repeated itself over and over again even though I still loved the first shirt.

Can that same process happen with friends?

My best friend and I have been...well, best friends since first grade. We would do everything together and and we've been close ever since. Sadly though, once we got to middle school, things changed.

She became good friends with a group of girls, and myself, I became friends with a different group of friends.

We're still really god friends, but was I just offered the chance to have new friends and I took it? Just like how I would always say yes to getting a new shirt?

I've recently learnt that it's alright if you fall in love with that new and bright shirt, but if you still love and wear that first, old shirt, you don't have to throw it away.

You might be doing things with your new friends, doing activities on the weekends, going to the mall, having sleepovers, and all of that is great, it really is! But you're also aloud to take a break from your new friends and go do something like that with your first best friend to keep that friendship alive.

You don't have to pick a friend and stick with them for life. If you make time for all of your good friends just like you took a day out to wear that older and faded shirt, you can have it all.


One More Girl, no longer online