My Life, My Time

Seeing as it's summer, my parents want to see me outside, hanging out with friends and generally being out and about, but that's not necessarily what I want or what can happen at the moment.

Admittedly, I haven't gone out of my way to make plans with friends because I feel as though they're all busy and I don't want to bother them by texting them.

I've also been spending a lot of time at home with the dog, but today my mom reminded me that it is okay if I leave the house for a few hours because my grandmother also goes out and leaves the dog on her own.

After she told me that, I just so happened to be told that I could go out and meet my dad for lunch.

This seems like a perfectly nice offer that any teen stuck at home would've taken because it's a free lunch at a restaurant, how wouldn't want that?

It just wasn't what I wanted today.

I love my parents and with everything that they do for me, I don't mind spending time with them. When my mom told me that I could go, I feel as though she was certain that I was going to say yes.

Honestly, I was a little hesitant but I still went.

I was hesitant because I wasn't hungry for lunch and I was a little tired.

Seeing as though I was on the fence about going, I decided to go anyway.

In the end, I did end up enjoying the lunch and I ate most of what I ordered.

I couldn't help to think that this could be part of the problem.

A little while back, I wrote my post Bad Habits and how you shouldn't be ashamed of them and if you want to overcome one, it will take time.

Another one of my bad habits is to put everyone else's feelings before my own.

When my cousin came up for vacation from New York, she had tickets for us to go to Jazz Fest, but I also happened to have a softball game that night. My dad had to go drop something off at the field, and when he was there, he called me to let me know that my team was down one player and would most likely have to forfeit if I didn't play.

I was torn, not by what I wanted to do, but what I thought everyone else wanted me to do.

I see my cousin for about the time period of one to two weeks per year, I rarely miss any softball practices or games, I would be missing part of an event that my cousin and I were looking forward to for months, my team would lose a game because of me, my cousin payed for these tickets herself, my softball team would be single handedly let down by me.

I had so many thoughts going through my head that I couldn't even think of what I wanted for myself.

My mom told me that I would be upset one way or another, and seeing the time and situation I was in, I decided to go to the concert with my cousin. That didn't stop me from feeling terrible for the first few hours.

With lunch today, I decided to go myself, but I thought that if I didn't go, I'd be disappointing both of my parents.

When I got home, I started to think about things like that more.

In the end, it's my life.

I shouldn't have to spend time doing something or going somewhere that I don't want to go.

If I end up regretting, then all the blame is on me. 

If I'm on the fence about something, I always try and give it a chance because if I don't like it, I can stop whatever I'm doing or leave wherever I was heading to.

If I want to do something or go somewhere, great, I'm all in, but I don't want to spend time from my life doing stuff that I don't enjoy.

I wouldn't be blogging this today if I didn't like writing.

Although I'm still young and I can't have a complete say as to what I do all the time, I'm going to start managing my time better because I'm tired of doing stuff that I don't actually want to do. 

It's my life, I can spend it's time however I want to and I shouldn't feel guilty about it. 

Even if I can't start that now, that's one of my biggest goals for the future.


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Vacation

Friday was the official start of March break for me, and I couldn't be anymore relieved.

I have found that recently I have these piles of stress on my shoulders, so it will be great to be able to take a week for myself and not have to worry about school, courses, work, and day to day life.

I have been starting to dread the thought of school more and more recently, but that's probably because it's all I've known. It's the same exact thing, five days a week, six hours a day, it does start to get dull.

I'm lucky enough to be traveling this March break, and I get to travel to Jamaica tomorrow morning. I'm so excited to go, I'm really excited for the change in scenery for a little bit and it will be a good little change for me. 

I have to admit, I'm a little nervous about the plane ride. I have been on one before, but I still always get nervous about 24 hours before I go.

Something that I have been super stressed over at school is that we were assigned the biggest history project of the year, only had one class to work on it in school, and were assigned to do it over March break so we can hand it in the day we get back (The 23rd).

If you ask me, that is unfair. Many people are going away for the break and many have been away before the teachers even gave us the project. I say teachers as in plural because we currently have a trainee teacher in charge of this project while our regular teacher is in the back of the class doing some other work.

I have been working on this project at home, but with all the outcomes I have to meet, it feels as if it's going to be impossible to finish before I leave.

My parents agree with me and do see my point of view on this matter and have emailed my regular teacher, informing her that I probably won't have it in on time, but that's not necessarily my fault. I know for a fact that it hasn't only been my parents to do so.

I guess that's another reason as to why I'm nervous for this vacation; I won't be able to get any work done and that will only be a bigger burden on my shoulders when I get home.

My parents have told me not to worry over it, and I think that's exactly what I'm going to do.

It's not everyday that I can escape the freezing Canadian weather and that I have the chance to go to Jamaica for the week. 

My teachers are informed that I won;t have it in on time, so that should be enough.

Everyone deserves a break that they're going to enjoy, so that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Among the fact that I'm traveling to Jamaica, my family and I are staying at this really small resort (about 60 rooms I believe), so to have wifi, we would have to pay a fee. I'm not sure what this fee is, whether it's 40$ a day or 60$ a week, but what I do know is that my parents have decided to not pay for this fee and to have this vacation be a disconnected one.

Honestly? I'm excited for that. I know that I spend a lot of time online, so it will be amazing to get away from all temptation of that and to see a part of the world that I've never seen before. Sadly, though, it means that I won't be able to post on my blog like regularly. So there's not going to be a post Wednesday or Sunday, but my next actual post will be on Wednesday March 25th.

I have to admit though, I'm not 100% sure about the whole wifi situation, but I will try and stay off it as much as I can. If there is a chance to use wifi, I might use it to upload some pictures that I took onto my blog so that I won't use up all my storage space on my camera memory card, but that will be it. 

What are you guys doing? Any plans for March break? I think that the break in March is for Canadians and a few others around the world, I'm pretty sure that Americans had their break in February, but even so, what did you do then? Feel free to let me know!

I'll see you all again when I get back. 

One More Girl, no longer online

Bumps In The Road

This afternoon, I went to the doctors and I heard the words that I was terrified to hear, yet deep down, I knew that they were coming.

At the moment, I'm still having trouble processing it all, so I don't feel up to opening about all of that quite yet, but maybe a little later on in the future I'll be open to talking about it.

Tonight's post is going to be a short one that's going to be a reminder for myself in the future, and maybe it could be one for you right now.

They say that life's a journey and you never know what to expect on that journey, and I learnt a little more about that with today.

For a journey, I assume that you need some sort of transport and grounds to get across.

For me, I see life as a dirt road.

It's a dirt road because some parts are as smooth as ever, others are a little patchy yet still manageable, and others are extremely rough, not necessarily in that order and on a constant loop.

I'm currently in the extremely rough part of that long dirt road, and all I can say for anyone else that might also be on that part of the road is that it may not look like it, but there will be a smooth part coming up.

Trust me, I know what it's like to see a rough part of the road for ages, but everything comes to an end at some point, right? No, sadly I can't say whether that the smooth part is coming up in a few minutes or in a few days, I can't tell you when it is, but I can promise that it's waiting to greet you.

Although you may feel terribly alone right now or when you but that rough part, you're not alone. That's probably the hardest, yet most important thing to remember. You're not alone, there's always help somewhere and there's always someone looking to support you.

Even if you don't believe it, I'm supporting you. I'm rooting for you to find that smooth part of the road.

I don't know what your current life situation is. I don't know if it might be a little rocky or if it's a smooth ride for awhile, but there's always going to be bumps in the road and you don't have to let it become a mountain for you.

Whatever you have to do, slow it down. There's no point in blowing a tire or damaging your car while trying to speed over the bumps.

What I want for anyone who reads this to take from it is that things do get better, and there's always someone cheering you on, even if you don't see them.


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Make a Statement - Make YOUR Statement

Nowadays, out in the real world, it seems as if everyone is hiding who they truly are in order to fit in and meet some imaginary social standard.

This isn't something new to people, many are aware that this is the current situation with people in our lives.

Personally, I find that the reasons as to why people hide their true self are:
1) Because they don't feel comfortable with the people they're around yet. This isn't something that's necessarily bad, but you deserve to have friends that you feel 100% comfortable around. It might take a little time to get there, that's okay, not everyone opens up to reveal who they truly are the moment you become friends.
Or
2) They feel ashamed of who they are, or someone has already put them down for being who they truly are.

Now that second one is not okay at all. Under any circumstance. Period.

Something I hold really close is music, it's something I couldn't live without. When you insult me in my taste in music, on my favourite bands, on concerts I want to attend, it's not even something I could defend myself against because I'm trying to play off that I'm not actually hurt by your words, yet in reality, they feel like scissors cutting out a little piece of me.

That's how I feel when someone insults the most important thing for me, but it could be anything for anyone else. It could be their fashion sense, favourite sport, arts, books, other people, movies, sense of humour. it could be literally anything. 

All of those things, they're matter of opinions. 

I might like one band when you like another, or I might like comedy movies when you like drama movies. 

There's no right or wrong answer, they're all to our preference and what we favour.

I am sick and tired of people being insulted for what they like and they feel the need to hide their true self.

My friends also hold music close to their hearts, yet the enjoy heavier types of music when I like anything from R&B to punk. They would insult me for liking some of the bands I did, so I resorted to only listening to music I knew they liked when I was around them to feel accepted.

I didn't have to do that at all. I was losing something I truly cherished and enjoyed in the exchange of being "cool". I'd much rather have real friends then be viewed as "cool" in their eyes.

It's time that we stop with putting others down for what they enjoy.

What you like to do is part of who you are. Of course it can change at times, but it's still you. As far as I'm concerned, your thoughts and interest are just as much a part of you as your brain, heart, lungs, cells and DNA, so who's there to tell you that it's not important or it's stupid?

I know how hard it is to take off the mask, yet I feel a though if we did, it would be much easier to find our true friends earlier on in our lives.

If you're considered the "good school girl" and you love screamo music, crank it a little louder so everyone in the hallways can hear it.
If you're captain of the football team and love to watch Gossip Girl, talk to someone who also has the same interest in the show.

Why are we helping the stereotypes? It's time to break those and make our own statements.

***

I would also love to say Happy International Women's Day! You should always be proud of who you are and I'm Proud To Be A Girl.

***

One More Girl, no longer online

Freedom Of Speech...Oh, You're Not Listening

Something that feels as if it's been happening often to me these past few weeks is that I'm constantly being cut off and interrupted.

I understand if I'm in a debate type of conversation and the other person jumps in when I'm trying to explain something and they challenge what I'm saying, I don't mind that if it's reasonable. The thing I really hate it when I'm constantly being cut off so that someone can start to talk about something completely different as to what I was talking about in the first place.

It makes me feel as if what I have to say isn't all that important and that it makes me think that you believe your opinions are simply better than mine. Opinions are the matter of one's personal thoughts, there really can't be a right or wrong one.

For me, this seem to happen a lot a school and also at home.

At school, I'm partnered with three other girls for a project. Two are best friends while the other seems to never be with the group. Whenever one of the best friends ask me something, I'll start to reply but the other one will cut me off and say "Oh my God, do you know the funny thing that I just thought of?" and then go off in a story to which I know nothing about and I'm left as the third wheel again.

Don't get me wrong, these girls are lovely, it's just hard to work in the same group as best friends.

It also happens with family sometimes. I'll be in the middle of talking when I'm either cut of so that the other person can talk, or I realize that they really don't care for what I have to say. 

That's one of the worst feelings, really. To talk about something you're passionate about while no one can bother to listen.

If you're someone who tends to cut people off, I can understand if you do it at an appropriate time while being on the same subject, but if you jump to something completely different, please let the person talking finish. We all hate that feeling, so why let it happen to someone else?

If you're like me and constantly being interrupted, remember to hold your head high. It's their lost if they don't hear the end of the funny story as to what your dog did the other day. Although you might feel as though no one cares and that things would be better if you stay quiet, it won't be. If you're fed up with this (also like me), why not say "I'm sorry for interrupting you, but I wasn't finished saying what I had to say. Do you mind if I say the last little bit? I'd love to hear what you have to say after, though,"? You are politely letting the person know that you still have more to say and I think that's reasonable!

You have a voice and you shouldn't be afraid to use it.


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Sometimes We Have To Slow Down

Man, it's March 1st already. It's insane to think that it's the first day of March, yet it's the first day of March.

When I turned on my phone for the day and saw the date, I think that's when it really sunk in as to what the date is. I knew March was coming up today, I knew it was going to be a new month, but I guess that it didn't really sink in until this morning.

That's what inspired me to write this post.

This year, for me at least, already feels as if it's flying by. We've already gone through two whole months of 2015. Normally, I feel as if days drag on, yet so far this year,  they're flying by.

Although the year is passing by quickly, I've constantly been feeling as if I'm drowning in choices, in a pit of despair for school, and in wonder. 

I mentioned before that thinking about the future is our way of escaping the present, yet I still can't manage to stop thinking about it.

Today was a little bit of a wake up call for me, seeing that the first two months seem to have flown by and I can't say that I've really done something that I'm extremely proud of yet. I feel as if I have wasted two months, constantly worrying about what could be.

This is a reminder for me, and anyone else who needs it, that we really do have to slow down at times.

If you're having a family dinner, enjoy it, don't worry about homework, it can wait. 

If you're talking to someone on the phone that you haven't seen or heard from in ages, don't feel bad for asking them so many questions.

If you and you're friends do something stupid, that's okay, you did it together.

As a teenager, I don't tend to do this, but I will start to slow down and enjoy the smaller things I have in my life because in the end, I know that those will count the most.

As an expression I hear a lot around in my school, "Slow down, speed racer."

Life isn't a race, so why do we all treat it like one?

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Concerns About The Future

One of my biggest fears, if not my biggest fear, is the future.

I'm terrified of the idea of being responsible for my own life in the way that I could do something stupid and regret it for forever after that. I'm terrified of doing something that I didn't realize I actually hate until it's too late. I'm terrified of making a wrong choice that could potentially be affected in the long wrong such as a career choice and so on. I'm terrified of the idea to not know what I could and couldn't control later on in my life.

I could keep going with why I'm terrified of the future, but I think you all understand the idea.

Because of this, I've finally figured out what my New Year's resolution is going to be. Although it's quite late, it's better late then never, and I think this is one that I will carry out for much longer than just a this year. 

What inspired me to write this post is that on Friday, my class was given the talk about course selection that could affect our future university acceptance and career and it really freaked me out. I won't lie, I was ready to cry.

I took a lot of time for myself on Saturday. I stayed in my room most of the day on the Internet, listening to music watching YouTube videos and simply thinking.

I started thinking of what I would like to do for a career. I started to prioritize things in my life. I thought about what made me genuinely happy. I thought about all of my hobbies that I already love and wondering if I could turn that into a job. 

Of course these thoughts provoked more questions and growing concerns. 

I started wondering about possible universities, if I want to stay close to home or go abroad, what would be the money situation, and so much more.

That's when I realized something rather important. Not just for course selection, but for life in general.

I don't have to be worrying about this all at once.

Rathering than freaking out about making the right course selections and making my parents, I need to do what makes me happy. Of course I can change my mind from here to when I start university and circumstances can change, but I do have a general idea in where I want my life to go. Instead of worrying about making the right choices for what could possibly benefit me, I'm making sure I'm happy and proud of what I'm doing.

A quote we all hear a lot is "Forget the past, it's in the past. Focus on your future," and I can't stress how important it is that you don't live by this quote.

I do agree with the forget the past, but DO NOT focus on your future. The more you focus on it, the more you lose your grip on the present. Living in the future is the most acceptable way to escape the present and once we return to it, we realize how much weight we have on our shoulders and we tend to crumble under it.

If a friendship falls out, that's okay. You don't have to focus on fixing that for the future, do what feels right in the present time. 
If you take a class at school that won't help you towards the degree you want, that's okay. Don't freak out thinking that you won't graduate, you can go talk to the school's counselor or principal. It can be fixed.
If you did something stupid in the past, it doesn't define you as who you are right now. Chances are that you're the only one who remembers.

So once again, my late New Year's resolution is to be happy, not stress out over the future and what could be, and live in the moment, enjoy what I'm doing and to love what I'm doing.


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Being Body Positive

A study by the Dove Self-Esteem Project (DSEP) reveals that 47% of teen girls between the ages of 11 to 14 refuse to take part in activities that will show off their body in any way, such as swimming or performing in front of the school (drama class).

Almost half of the girls that took part of this study have low self esteem. The worst part is that these girls are in the age range of 11 to 14 years old. That's far to young to be worrying about body image, yet sadly, this is what society has come to.

I will admit that I've struggled with self esteem for awhile now. I'll share a little bit about my story and then say how I'm starting to build it back up.

As many others could relate to, I struggle to love certain body parts. I've never loved my stomach, my back or my shoulders. I was never confident about my weight.

When I started going to the gym, I was always uncomfortable because you see all these people walking past you, clearly haven been working out for years. You'd see anything from slim bodies to strong muscles, and yes, I was envious of others.

After a summer of the gym and swim training, I started to notice little changes about my body.

I was slightly slimmer, stronger arm and leg muscles, and so on. Although I was happy with my change...it's almost as if it wasn't enough.

I can't remember where I saw or heard these words, but I'd love to share them. Just know that they're not mine.

In the end, it doesn't matter what your body was like. We all have the same goal: to live life to the fullest and die with no regrets. When we're gone, we aren't remembered by what our bodies looked like, but we're remembered by the things we do and the people we reached out to.

Those words really helped me get through my low self-esteem and is currently still inspiring me everyday.

When you stand in front of the mirror and you start to think about all the things you want, reverse that. 

Start off by saying one thing you love about yourself, whether its body or personality, and build yourself up. Start with one, say another, and another, and another.

If your makeup looks nice on a day, say it to yourself! 
If your hair is how you want it to be, say it!
If your outfit is the nicest thing you'e ever seen, say it!
If you like your eyes, shout it out!
If you love your legs, make sure others know!

It's okay to not be 100% happy with your body right now, but you can build yourself up to that point.

Saying that you like something about yourself, you might not want to come across as vain, but why not? You're loving your body, the only one you will ever get, and I don't think that's a bad thing.

If there is a certain thing you don't like about yourself, there's always a solution. You don't have to think that it's horrible, you can find a solution! Find clothes that flatter your figure, you can dye your hair, you can use nail polish if you don't like your nails, do whatever will make you, and only you happy. Just remember that you don't have to go through drastic measures. 

Now let's say this together:

It's okay to have flaws. I will come to love myself. It might not be soon, but it will happen.

I hope this might of have an impact on you guys as it did for me when I heard those words from before.


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Growing Apart From A Friend

I'm still a little bit of the same when I say this, but when I was younger and I would go shopping with my mom, I would fall in love.

My mom would let me pick out a new shit that she would buy for me and I would always find a shirt that I loved. My mom would buy it for me, I would repeatedly say "Thank You!" because I was so excited that she would buy something that amazing for me.

I would wear that new shirt that I loved so much as often as possible. I would pretty much live in that shirt.

Soon enough though, that new shirt would become old.

It wouldn't have the same bright colour, yet instead a faded one. It wouldn't fit the same way as it did the day I got it, it would lose it's form. It wasn't new, so my mom would bring me with her to the mall once again and let me pick out a new shirt. The process repeated itself over and over again even though I still loved the first shirt.

Can that same process happen with friends?

My best friend and I have been...well, best friends since first grade. We would do everything together and and we've been close ever since. Sadly though, once we got to middle school, things changed.

She became good friends with a group of girls, and myself, I became friends with a different group of friends.

We're still really god friends, but was I just offered the chance to have new friends and I took it? Just like how I would always say yes to getting a new shirt?

I've recently learnt that it's alright if you fall in love with that new and bright shirt, but if you still love and wear that first, old shirt, you don't have to throw it away.

You might be doing things with your new friends, doing activities on the weekends, going to the mall, having sleepovers, and all of that is great, it really is! But you're also aloud to take a break from your new friends and go do something like that with your first best friend to keep that friendship alive.

You don't have to pick a friend and stick with them for life. If you make time for all of your good friends just like you took a day out to wear that older and faded shirt, you can have it all.


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Finding Happiness: Part One

In my post Endless Opportunities, I wrote about how the world holds many opportunities for you, you don't have to feel trapped in a box, and that you should do whatever it takes for you to be happy.

Yesterday, I took the first step on my journey to find my happiness.

I have been an athlete for awhile now. I have been a competitive swimmer for about eight or nine years and a softball player for easily about six years now. I love both sports, but for the past year and a half or so, I have been losing interest in swimming at a fast rate.

I kept pushing myself to finish the season last year, so I did and I was content with that but I wasn't over the moon or anything. When my mom asked me if I wanted to swim this season back in September, I wasn't all that sure, but I finally ended up saying yes to it because I figured that since it was a big part of my life for so long I become happier as the seasons and practices unfolded.

I was wrong.

Practices went on and I couldn't help but feel miserable. I love swimming, I always will, but I didn't feel good doing it, I no longer enjoyed it and I would be counting down the minutes until practice was over.

That was my sign.

I wasn't happy doing it, I had to change something.

Having six practices a week, training nine or so hours per week, I personally thought that that was too much time and dedication put into something that I was always dreading.

I was terrified to officially quit the team. Like I said, it was such a big part of my life and I wasn't sure what I would do with all that now free time on my hands. While I was writing the email to my coach explaining that I will no longer attend practices, I kept asking myself if it was the right thing to do. Deep down, I knew it was the right thing to do, I was just afraid to let go of that part of my life.

After having an internal war with myself, I sent the email and I felt...relieved.

Today, I woke up feeling great. I wasn't worrying over future swim meets and practices, but of what to I value more important in my life.

Writing and reading have always been things that I love to do, but with all the swimming hours, homework and other events in my life, I didn't always have the chance to do them.

Now, I can. I'm not feeling as if I won't have time to do everything I want to do in my day.

Letting go of something that lasted years in your life can be scary, terrifying even, but if it's something you feel forced to do and you don't love them any longer, it's worth it.

Well, it is to me.

I have my happy moments, don't get me wrong, but I can't say that I'm overwhelmed with this feeling of happiness.

It might take a while, but this is the first step in my journey to find happiness, and I hope that it can inspire one of you guys to go out and find yours.


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Don't Let Go of Love

Being on a sports' team, something you usually have to do is a fundraiser.

My team was selling raffle tickets over the weekend to win the prize of a one night stay at a hotel and a 100$ gift card to a fancy restaurant in the local area, and the draw for the prize will take place on February 13th, the day before Valentines Day.

During my shift yesterday, an elderly man came by to buy some tickets. He asked what the draw and everything was about, who he was supporting, what the prize was, and all of that typical stuff you expect to hear while trying to sell/raise money for something. At the end of it, I added "Draw date is February 13th, so it's right on time for Valentine's Day!"

He looked me in the eyes with a sad look upon his face and said "Well I lost the love of my life to ovarian cancer back in 1986 (I think that was the year he said, I can't remember that exactly). I did however find someone new, but it's not the same, you know? She's like a best friend to me, and I know that it's someone that she (referring to the love of his life that he lost) would've liked to known her."

I was speechless.

I have lost family members, yes, but to lose the love of your life, your soulmate, your other half, I couldn't imagine what that would be like. 

In Greek mythology, it's believed that humans used to have four arms, four legs, four eyes, two noses, basically double of everything. Zeus was afraid that someday, the humans would be capable of overthrowing the Gods, so he split them all in half, resulting in one half to search for the other. To find their soulmate.

After all of that looking, this man found his other half, was ready to spend the rest of his life with her, but cancer ripped that away from him.

This was just another eye opener for me.

When I lost my grandfather on September 1st 2014, that was hard for me. 

I didn't know how to feel, I didn't know what to do with myself, I didn't know when it was appropriate for me to cry, I didn't know what to do with all of the memories I have of him because I was afraid to lose them, and finally, I didn't know who to talk to about all of this.

"You can't close anyone out now...If anything this is the time to be close with your family. You need them and they need you. Having someone pass in your family shows you that you have to spend time with them and cherish it. You don't know how long the moment will last," is something that one of my friends told me when I confided in them how I felt, and I don't think that statement could be any truer. 

Those two events taught me something.

If you love someone, whether its a family member, a friend, a lover or a role model in your life, make sure you tell them how much you appreciate them or that you love them. You have to hold onto the love you have now, because you never know when it's going to be ripped away from you, or when you might feel those feelings again.

If you have a crush on someone or you have a strong feeling for them, don't play hard to get. Maybe someday, you will just be too hard to get that the person that's chasing after will let you go. 

If you have someone that loves you, I am begging you, grab onto that love with both hands and hold on. Hold on to it for as long as you can and don't ever let it go. Don't let it slip away, because hell, someday it might.

Love is such an amazing thing that we really do take for granted nowadays, but that elderly man with his story was a reminder to me to never let go of love, and I hope you take this post as a reminder.

If you're looking for a reason to tell someone you like them, call up your crush, tell your best friend how you truly feel about them...this is it. 

Don't take love for granted because now, it's a rare thing, so don't let go of the people you love.


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I'm Proud To Be A Girl

This is a topic that I was never all that sure if I wanted to wright about.

Although feminism is a big movement in this day and age, it's still a touchy subject for some and everyone seems to have a different definition of feminism.

When I googled the definition of feminism, the result I got was "The advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men." This isn't fighting for equality in general, this is a movement for WOMEN equality. This is not quite the same thing as having equality for everyone no matter what race, age, gender, religion, sexuality and whatever else you could think of, but this is a movement between two opposing sexes, man and woman.

We hear all about this when we get older, when we get to high school, it seems like a casual thing. I don't have much to say on the direct topic of feminism, but I do want to share some downgrading experiences I've has. I never realized how much it has affected my life from so early on.

We've all probably heard words like this, but I remember being back in elementary school, during recess, I'd often hear the words "You _____ like a girl!" Whether that would be kick or throw, those words were deemed as an insult.

Since when has my gender been an insult?

Back at that age, I didn't know that I could say something about it. If I threw a ball farther then some boy, I would be proud, but that didn't mean that they would stop using those words as an insult to some other boy, because "You're a girl...you're going to throw like one anyway" was always said to the girls.

Whenever a boy would pick up a pink or purple colored pencil or crayon, it would mean that they're girly.

What is wrong with those colors?  Sure, when a child is born, a boy will receive a blue blanket, and a girl a pink one, but that doesn't mean that boys are forbidding to use the color pink.

Earlier this evening, I was having supper with my sister and parents when I asked if they were going to be in the basement after supper because I wanted to play Halo. My sister said "You shouldn't even be playing Halo, you're a girl."

Since when has my gender determined what video games I should and shouldn't play?

For years, we have been treated of as a lesser value without even knowing it.

Younger boys would use our gender as an insult, it will make us seem weird if we play any type of video game, and so much more.

Why can't all humans be seen as equals in everyone's eyes?

Boys can do gymnastics, girls can play football.
Boys can do dance, girls can play video games.
Boys can figure skate, girls can wrestle.
Boys can like chick flicks, girls can like gruesome/action movies.
Boys can bake and cook, girls can watch sports on TV.

It's time to break the stereotypes.

I am a girl, and I'm proud to throw like a girl, I'm proud of playing video games, I'm proud of my thoughts and intelligence, I'm proud to watch sports on TV.

Nothing you will say will make me change my mind on being proud of my gender, and being proud of who I am.

To end this post, I want to leave you guys with Always #LikeAGirl video. This is an advert/commercial on TV, but the message behind it is so powerful and is what inspired me to write this.

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Endless Opportunities

In our last year of school, we're constantly pressured to choose ONE profession for the rest of our lives, encouraged to send in many college/university applications, and most of all, we're told to make something of ourselves.

We don't have to do that.

I am so sick of people telling me what they think is best for me, and I should do with my life. If I don't want to become a doctor, I won't become one. If I want to listen to a specific type of music that makes me happy, I'll do just that. If I don't want to go out during the weekend with friends, how does that affect your life in the long run?

For me, most often of times, it's my teachers and/or parents telling me what I should do, or what my strengths are. Having someone thinking they know what I want to (should) do and myself thinking of what I actually want to do are two very different things.
Wouldn't you think that I would know what I want to do with MY life and what my strengths are? 

We have to make one choice out of a possible 600 or more possibilities of a career choice, and be happy with it for the rest of our lives. How can I start to make a choice like that when I don't even know who I am? They're millions of different choices of what we can do with our lives, and I'm terrified of making the wrong choice. Who wouldn't be?

Freedom is a wonderful thing, because we get to decide what we want to do. We've have complete control over our lives. We're independent minds that can do whatever we can dream of doing

That's my freedom is my biggest fear.

When you come to realize that you have complete control over your life and that you're responsible for your own happiness, it's terrifying because it means that we have to make choices in our life. We have to make choices that could be minor, you completely change our lives forever. We have the freedom to decide what we are doing with our one, terribly short, life.

What if you make the wrong choice?

You don't want to spend the majority of your life doing something you're not even all that passionate about.

If you feel remotely the same, remember that there ARE endless opportunities out there in the world.

I'm not going to say to quit your job, but take a vacation when it becomes too much, go back to school to change to a career that you are passionate about, play video games, listen to music, watch videos online, go for a night out with friends, have a night in with an important someone. Do whatever it takes to make you happy. Do whatever it takes to make you happy now and do what will make you happy in the future. 

With great freedom comes great responsibility. You're responsible for your happiness, so make it count. If you're not happy with something at the moment, there's always an opportunity, a good one, for you in the future. No one deserves to look back on life and to have regrets about not doing something they knew deep down that they always wanted to do but never thought they could achieve. Give it a shot! You have nothing to lose.  

Be sensible about your choices, but make it the best life you can with the goal of being happy. Of course you can't be happy 100% of the time, but you do have rights to feel good about your life and to not have to think that you messed up for a big part of it.

I'm not sure about you guys, but I have one shot at this thing we call life, and I'm going to make it count right until the end.


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So Many People, Yet So Alone

In my first blog post One More Blog On The Internet, I said that I deal with my emotions by covering them up and trying to make them end quickly, and that I tried to maintain a diary although it never worked, and I'm writing on my blog in hope to reach out to other people who feel the same way that I do, sometimes.

Today is more of a diary post type of entry.

I do have a few friends at school, but sometimes, I just hate being around them.

I've never been the "go-to friend", meaning that I was always considered as the less relevant friend. If something really cool or exciting happened to one of my friends, I was never/am never the first to know. Usually, I'm the last to be told or informed of something.

If I get to class and put my stuff down on a desk, I, quite often, have my stuff moved to the end of the row of desks or to a completely different row so that my other friends can talk. I'm usually left on the end, not really invited or necessarily wanted in a conversation. Plans that I'm never invited to join are constantly being made in front of me.

I remember back in December, my girl friends made plans to go dress shopping for a school dance, realized I was there and they said they'd text me about it. It got to the next day and I didn't receive anything, so when my best friend that is apart of another group of friends asked me to go to the mall, I didn't hesitant to say yes. I wasn't going to sit around all day for these girls to text me.

We walked right past the girls that originally said that they were going to text me and the only thing they did was give me a small smile, and they kept on walking. Not even a "Hi," or anything. It's not because they didn't want to spend time with the friend that I ended up going with, because at this rate, they talk to her more often then they talk to me.

Some friends, right?

Whenever I try to tell a story, I'm often talked over and then forgotten or just flat out told that no one cares. I make a small joke and they say it was stupid and carry out a different conversation, yet if someone makes the same joke a little later, everyone laughs.

These are the people that I call my friends, yet I wonder if I should associate myself with them at all.

With all of that said, I am a very eccedentesiast person. I fake smiles, I don't let people know that what they say to me or how they treat me hurts me. I always have this small smile on around them that keeps on getting less and less genuine.

There's undoubtedly this feeling of loneliness even though I'm surrounded by all these people.

If anyone can relate to what I said in the slightest, let's do this together.

Let's talk to more people. Let's talk to someone that we feel comfortable around and someone who makes us feel good about ourselves and that make us genuinely happy to be around.

If you want to do this but are too scared to leave your "old friends", please remember that they do not own you and you don't own them anything. You can do whatever you'd like to do to make yourself happy.

It would be awesome if someone went out to find someone that makes them happy after reading this post because they got inspired and share a little bit of their story in the comments. That way, it's proof to someone else that it's not only one person feeling this way, and that we can all share stories and help one another. I know that I'll share mine when it happens.

I will say that this was something quite personal for me to write about, so I really do hope that there's something you can take away from this.


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Impressing People

As humans, we feel the need to impress people, to make them love us, to be hated by no one, and to leave a legacy of some sort on this earth for years after we're gone.

Why do we all crave this feeling? Why can no one be happy with who they truly are anymore?

We should not be worrying about impressing people, because honestly, the people that are worth impressing deserve to know the true you. As the old saying goes, its better to be loved for who you are then to be loved for someone you're not. We have to stop comparing ourselves to others to be more "impressive". 

If you're trying to impress someone with the intentions of a good friendship or dating them, there's no need to feel like someone you're not to be able to get them to like you back. The right person will come along for the right role, someday.

These days, I feel as though at school, it's a competition for who has the most likes on, Instagram, who has the most followers on Twitter, the most friends on Facebook. Why does it seem like people are competing over stuff like this?

In the long run, it's almost as if they picture life as a race, as in who's the most "loved" by people over social media. 

It's almost as if everyone is in a drawing competition, and everyone is desperate to finish first so that they can say "Look at me! I'm done! I did it!" The truth is, you don't get happiness from finishing first, you get it while drawing something your proud of.

We have to let go of the insane thought about proving to everyone else that we're better in some aspect, and then we could be free to accomplish the dreams we never go the chance to imagine because we were so busy trying to impress others for no reason.

If we break down all the situations that we weren't ourselves because we wanted to impress the people around us that were in our lives for only a certain amount of time, and not for the long run, I can honestly say that I feel like I've wasted a lot of time.

I'm going to change that about my life, and if some of you also decide to do the same, feel free to comment and say how you're going to do so, and we can do this together.

No more impressing people, it's finally time to be me. If people don't like it, to bad. I'll know that hey aren't meant to be a permanent figure in my life.

That's also kind of why I like posting on my blog. I find that because it's anonymous, you know that there's truth to what I'm saying, I'm not making up scenarios in my head because this is the only place I can be myself. I'm not worrying about writing to impress you guys, I'm just writing about something that happened in my life and could be relatable or helpful to someone else.

Let the world see you as who you are. Stand tall, be proud.


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