My First Exams and What I Learnt From Them

Well it's been quite a time since I last wrote.

The last time I posted was a few days before my exams started and I expressed how I wasn't feeling too stressed about things and that I was feeling pretty good.

Things didn't go the way I thought they would.

My Sunday before exams was planned out: go to work, tutor a student in my French class for our exam and then study math for myself.

My work shift is just 9am-12pm Sunday mornings, however I got myself into a bit of a jam because I took an extra shift right after.

They were desperate for someone else to work, so I step up because frankly, I need the money.

It wasn't too bad, but I ended up working 9am-5pm.

That set everything back at least three hours.

I only met my friend to help him study French at around 5:30 and we both had to leave at 7:15. 

I did as much as I could to help him prepare and taught him how to answer the question with the words already placed in the question.

I found out today once I walked past him in the hallway that he passed the exam which is great! He struggled with a failing grade for the majority of the semester, however he was able to bring it up in the end!

After I got home, I studied for math and then went to bed for a good night's rest before exams.

I woke up the day of my first exam feeling immensely sick.

The stomach flu had been going around just a few days before and I was convinced that I got sick myself.

There's not much you can do, you can't miss an exam unless a family member has passed away or that you're hospitalized. 

I went to school on Monday and wrote my first two exams, English then French, and felt progressively better throughout the day.

I thought I was getting better and went to bed early that night to be refreshed for my morning math exam on Tuesday.

I woke up and the stomach pains hit me harder than ever.

I couldn't eat, I couldn't drink, I had a headache and my mind was set that I had the flu.

Once again, nothing I could've done so I went to school.

I used my whole two hours to work on my math exam and when I walked out of the exam room, all of my symptoms disappeared.

There's nothing else it could've been except for anxiety. If that's the case, I've never had anxiety at a constant level that high before.

It was crazy to realize that it was anxiety, but then I figured that I must've been so stressed about my exams that I kept my mind busy with anything and everything, like taking an extra shift and focusing on tutoring someone else, to keep my thoughts from drifting to my exams.

Im so glad I have them over with and that I've started my second semester, however I learnt an important lesson.

In a few years from now, possibly even one year from now, those marks won't matter.

Your exam marks don't define you as a person. They don't test your knowledge in a skill rather than your memorization skill. It's completely unfair to tell students that they all learn in unique ways yet have a standardized test to challenge what we can remember, however there's nothing that we can do about that yet.

Anyway, your exam results are a number, a fraction or a percentage that you won't be able to remember in two years time. 

Those digits will not define you as a person or limit you to what you can do in your life.

If anyone else had exams I hope you did well and if you have any coming up, I wish you the best of luck.

One More Girl, no longer online

Inappropriate Jokes And Being "Sensitive"

When you're in school, you hear a lot of things. You hear rumours, you hear lies, you hear gossip, but you also hear jokes.

Jokes are great because they can help you make it through a day. If it's a long day in particular, they can lift your spirits up a little bit. There's no harm in having a laugh!

There is a harm, however, in making inappropriate jokes.

Back when I was twelve years old, there was an incident that happened that left me emotionally traumatized. A few years later and I still have trouble talking about it without crying a little bit.

It was a really hard time for me and I feel as though I haven't gotten completely over it.

Fast forward a few years and I've come to accept the fact that it happened and I'm trying to move on from it, but that's definitely easier said then done.

How am I supposed to move on from that bad point in my life if people keep making jokes about it and laughing about it?

I don't talk about what happened at all, so people don't know that I suffer from it, but that doesn't mean they should joke about it anyway!

This is a little worse than I what I experienced, so please don't go off thinking the worse, but did you know that one in every four woman in North America will be sexually assaulted throughout their life?

Did you know that 60% of sexually abused/assaulted people are under the age of 17?

Did you know that 57% of aboriginal women (in Canada) have been sexually abused?

With statistics like those in only one single category, how can you feel good or accomplished about making jokes about rape?

If you're the person feeling offended by the joke, you're left with the choice of telling the people who told the joke to stop because jokes like that aren't funny, or you're left with the choice of sitting back, not saying anything by it while being bothered by the joke.

From personal experience, if you tell people that a joke like that isn't funny and it's wrong, then, from personal experience, you might hear the words "Oh my God, you're so lame," or "What a loser," or what I find to be the worst "God, you're so sensitive."

That's the worse for me because that's a complete lie.

I am not being too sensitive. I am being a person who is trying to avoid a bad time in my life. I am a person trying overcome a traumatizing experience. I am doing what any person would do in that situation and you're mocking me for that and making my emotional recover take longer.

This is an issue that has to be addressed.

I constantly hear people joking about rape, being gay, being assaulted/sexually assaulted, having a mental illness, being suicidal and more.

Jokes like that aren't funny. People are scarred for life from events like that.

Do you have any idea how many people struggle with coming out to their friends and family that they end up not doing it? People have to find their love for another person because they feel as though they won't be accepted by the people in their life.

It isn't fair.

Something that people have to start understanding is:

Rape jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Assault jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Sexual assault jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Mental illness jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Physical illness jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Weight jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Self harm jokes aren't funny to everyone.
LGBT jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Race jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Religion jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Suicide jokes aren't funny to everyone.

Any category that are also often jokes about that I missed, I'm truly sorry and feel free to leave it in a comment to remind everyone else that something of that subject should not be joked about.

If you are aware that this is a problem yet you continue to make jokes about those subjects, you're part of the problem.

Then again, what do I know? I don't live your life, you might've been a victim of something traumatizing or part of a social group that's often jokes about, and maybe you joking about it is how you're comforted by it.

It's different for everyone, but you must remember that the people around you might've lived through something awful that you might not know about, and you telling jokes like that could be slowly killing them on the inside.

People go through different experiences in life whether they're good or bad.

Just because they haven't told you about it doesn't mean that it hasn't happened and it doesn't mean that they aren't still affected by it.


One More Girl, no longer online

No Need For Envy

When I looked up the definition of envy, I got two answers; the noun version and the verb.

1. A feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.
2. desire to have a quality, possession, or other desirable attribute belonging to (someone else).

Envy is a feeling that I've experienced often. I've always compared myself to other people, whether it's sports or music related, I've never been the best and I'm envious of people better than me, but the push me to do more, practice harder. If you ask me, that's a healthy way to us envy to your advantage.

I've recently been finding myself experiencing envy in a more so negative way.

I enjoy talent shows, whether they're school shows or shows on TV such as Britain's Got Talent, I find them interesting. 

People have so many interesting and awesome talents, but I wish I could have them.

I play the guitar and whenever I hear someone my age play something amazing, I get envious and I want to practice until I can play like they do. I think that's normal, who hasn't wished that they could do something that they already do but do it like someone else?

Whenever I see some amazing dance or gymnastic routine, I usually always think "Oh my God, I wish that I could do that!" But thats when I remember that I hate dancing and have never done serious gymnastics.

I can't help myself, what these people are doing is nothing less than amazing! I want to use my talents in the way that they do, yet I still feel as though I have to discover some of them.

If you get envious over someone and you later on realize that you have nothing to be envious of because you don't do the same thing at all, that;s okay!

If you're like me, you'll find your own talent someday! We don't have to feel the need of having something that we alone can do, if we could, who would be there to help you get even better at it?

Until I find a talent in which I want to carry out with, I'll try to avoid talent shows and I'll continue to be able to wiggle my ears.

Anyone else have a few fun secret talents? Let me know! I'll try my best not to be envious.


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Happy Weekend Holiday!

Happy Easter and Passover weekend!

I hope you guys all had a good long weekend celebrating whatever your personal beliefs are.

Personally, I celebrate Easter which I think most people associate with the Easter Bunny, chocolate and Easter egg hunts.

I can say this without any ounce of shamefulness, but I have never participated in an Easter egg hunt.

The "Easter Bunny" never set one up for me because my family and I had a dog, so they didn't want to leave chocolate all over the house. When my dog passed away, it was just too late in the Easter Bunny's eyes, so I never got to do one.

Whenever I tell my friends that, they seem shocked. They say that I'm missing a huge piece of my childhood, that I missed out on the best part of Easter, and so much more.

In the end, I never felt as though I was missing something.

In the long run, I would much rather have a dog everyday for almost a decade rather than one mini-chocolate egg hunt per year.

Something that's difficult to remember around Holidays is that everyone has different traditions and may not do the ones that you see as "classic traditions".

Whether someone has their own traditions that you find weird or they've never had a tradition that you've been doing every since you were little, that doesn't suddenly mean that their holiday is awful or invalid.

Everyone celebrates whatever holiday in different ways. Because they do so, that doesn't mean that they're missing out on a great childhood.

You might not have a clue if they love a different tradition that they do or have replaced a "classic tradition" with something else!

Everyone can spend their holidays whatever way they would like.

Just because they do it differently, that doesn't mean it was a crappy time for them. 

In the end, are you truly missing out on something even if you never did it or is that what other people want you to believe?


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How To Deal With A Big Project

I have to huge project that I have to present tomorrow and I have had nothing but nerves since the day we got assigned this project. I don't do well presenting or having a healthy schedule for actually working on the project. This post is for anyone like me, someone who doesn't have the proper motivation to move along with the project and someone who is terrified to present.

I found this information not too long ago, so hopefully I'll be able to remember it for tomorrow and also that someone else will find it useful. 

How to stay on task:

• Don't Multitask.

It will have your mind scatter over many different things and some probably stents as important as this huge project that you have to finish.

• Break Up The Project

Instead of looking at the project as one huge roadblock, look at it as many smaller parts. Also, it's better to get the dreaded part that you don't want to do done, because then it's over and done with.

**

How to relax during a project

• Take Breaks

There's no need to do 7 hours straight of work, overwhelm yourself and cause ever more stress for yourself.

•Reward Yourself

There's nothing wrong with taking a break and eating your favourite snack, going out with friends, watching a TV show, playing a video game, do whatever you'd like!. As long as you don't overextend this reward, there's no problem at all with it!

How To Deal With Presenting

• Slow It Down

Don't rush through sentences to get the project over and done with. Your brain will be on fast forward and you'll be more likely to stumble over a few words. Instead, take a small pause between paragraphs and take time to breath between sentences.

• Practice Makes Perfect

Practice your presentation before the actual presentation day. I know from experience that it is ALWAYS better to have had a few trial runs before you present the real thing. It helps make you feel more comfortable with your material, so don't feel ashamed to talk to a mirror once or twice!

**

I hope that these few tips can help someone else. I know that during my project breaks and researching these facts have helped me towards the end of my project. Hopefully it will be done for Monday. I just have to glue my text onto the poster board, find some images, download some music and practice! 

Also, always please remember that your health should always come before any school or work project. Please try to not lose sleep, don't skip meals to get it done, don't let stress build up, take care of yourself. 

No project is more important than you.


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Sometimes We Have To Slow Down

Man, it's March 1st already. It's insane to think that it's the first day of March, yet it's the first day of March.

When I turned on my phone for the day and saw the date, I think that's when it really sunk in as to what the date is. I knew March was coming up today, I knew it was going to be a new month, but I guess that it didn't really sink in until this morning.

That's what inspired me to write this post.

This year, for me at least, already feels as if it's flying by. We've already gone through two whole months of 2015. Normally, I feel as if days drag on, yet so far this year,  they're flying by.

Although the year is passing by quickly, I've constantly been feeling as if I'm drowning in choices, in a pit of despair for school, and in wonder. 

I mentioned before that thinking about the future is our way of escaping the present, yet I still can't manage to stop thinking about it.

Today was a little bit of a wake up call for me, seeing that the first two months seem to have flown by and I can't say that I've really done something that I'm extremely proud of yet. I feel as if I have wasted two months, constantly worrying about what could be.

This is a reminder for me, and anyone else who needs it, that we really do have to slow down at times.

If you're having a family dinner, enjoy it, don't worry about homework, it can wait. 

If you're talking to someone on the phone that you haven't seen or heard from in ages, don't feel bad for asking them so many questions.

If you and you're friends do something stupid, that's okay, you did it together.

As a teenager, I don't tend to do this, but I will start to slow down and enjoy the smaller things I have in my life because in the end, I know that those will count the most.

As an expression I hear a lot around in my school, "Slow down, speed racer."

Life isn't a race, so why do we all treat it like one?

One More Girl, no longer online

Dealing With Stress

When I looked up the definition of stress on Google, the definition I got was "A state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances."

I've been feeling stressed recently because at my school, they thought the best idea was to dropped all this course selection and "life decision" speech all within four or five school days. 

If it takes me 20 minutes to figure out what shirt size fits best, how do they expect me to make choices that will affect my life for years after that?

I would be lying if I said I've been feeling a little stressed over this. I feel the need to follow in my older sister's footsteps, I feel the need to make my parents proud even if that means doing something I'm not happy with, I'm worried that I won't have all the credits that I need to graduate and so many other things. I'm not sure what program I want to follow.

I'm not even 100% sure what career I want to have when I'm older, so how do I know what classes to take so I set myself up to get into the right university courses?

I won't lie, I had two little cries today because I worked myself up too much.

Seeing as I'm feeling quite stressed out and others might be experiencing the same feeling, whether now or months after this is posted, I looked up a few ways to help reduce stress.

1. Listen to some music
Music is proven to help lower your blood pressure, heart rate and anxiety. Allow your mind to focus on the different melodies and harmonies and all of the instruments. There's no shame in cracking up the tunes!

2. Exercise
Many people enjoy different types of exercise, so there isn't a specific one you should do. Yoga and walking are great ways to ease depression and anxiety, but if you feel more like doing some powerlifting (or weights in general), or sprinting, or boxing, do whatever you prefer!

3. Laugh
Whether you watch a favourite TV show or you watch something funny on YouTube, laughing increases oxygen and blood flow to the brain which can automatically reduce stress.

4.Breath
Take a minute to focus on your breathing, filling your lungs with air. In through your nose and out with your mouth, breath in for five seconds and exhale for five seconds. Doing this repeatedly can make yourself feel calmer.

5. Light a Candle
Aromatherapy is a good way to relieve stress.Lavender is consistently shown to reduce stress levels. If you don't like the smell of lavender, that's alright, get the scent of something you enjoy!

Stress can be difficult to manage, but you should never turn to alcohol or other potentially harmful ways to deal with it, there's always an alternative and healthy way to deal with it. 


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Concerns About The Future

One of my biggest fears, if not my biggest fear, is the future.

I'm terrified of the idea of being responsible for my own life in the way that I could do something stupid and regret it for forever after that. I'm terrified of doing something that I didn't realize I actually hate until it's too late. I'm terrified of making a wrong choice that could potentially be affected in the long wrong such as a career choice and so on. I'm terrified of the idea to not know what I could and couldn't control later on in my life.

I could keep going with why I'm terrified of the future, but I think you all understand the idea.

Because of this, I've finally figured out what my New Year's resolution is going to be. Although it's quite late, it's better late then never, and I think this is one that I will carry out for much longer than just a this year. 

What inspired me to write this post is that on Friday, my class was given the talk about course selection that could affect our future university acceptance and career and it really freaked me out. I won't lie, I was ready to cry.

I took a lot of time for myself on Saturday. I stayed in my room most of the day on the Internet, listening to music watching YouTube videos and simply thinking.

I started thinking of what I would like to do for a career. I started to prioritize things in my life. I thought about what made me genuinely happy. I thought about all of my hobbies that I already love and wondering if I could turn that into a job. 

Of course these thoughts provoked more questions and growing concerns. 

I started wondering about possible universities, if I want to stay close to home or go abroad, what would be the money situation, and so much more.

That's when I realized something rather important. Not just for course selection, but for life in general.

I don't have to be worrying about this all at once.

Rathering than freaking out about making the right course selections and making my parents, I need to do what makes me happy. Of course I can change my mind from here to when I start university and circumstances can change, but I do have a general idea in where I want my life to go. Instead of worrying about making the right choices for what could possibly benefit me, I'm making sure I'm happy and proud of what I'm doing.

A quote we all hear a lot is "Forget the past, it's in the past. Focus on your future," and I can't stress how important it is that you don't live by this quote.

I do agree with the forget the past, but DO NOT focus on your future. The more you focus on it, the more you lose your grip on the present. Living in the future is the most acceptable way to escape the present and once we return to it, we realize how much weight we have on our shoulders and we tend to crumble under it.

If a friendship falls out, that's okay. You don't have to focus on fixing that for the future, do what feels right in the present time. 
If you take a class at school that won't help you towards the degree you want, that's okay. Don't freak out thinking that you won't graduate, you can go talk to the school's counselor or principal. It can be fixed.
If you did something stupid in the past, it doesn't define you as who you are right now. Chances are that you're the only one who remembers.

So once again, my late New Year's resolution is to be happy, not stress out over the future and what could be, and live in the moment, enjoy what I'm doing and to love what I'm doing.


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World Cancer Day

Did you know that every year, approximately 14 million people are told that they have cancer, and that 8 million people die from the disease?

Chances are, we all know at least one figure in our lives that have fallen victim of cancer; whether its a parent, grandparent, cousin, aunt, uncle, best friend, a coworker or even a pet. 

Although with technology to help us understand more about cancer everyday, we sometimes still have misconceptions about the illness. Even if you might have a parent or a sibling fighting against cancer, did you know that there's only a 5% to 10% chance that it's genetic?

Experts estimate that more than four out of ten cancer cases could be preventable by some the following examples:

• Not smoking
• Maintaining a healthy body weight
• Staying active
• Wearing sunscreen/Staying safe in the sun
• Cutting back on alcohol consumption
• Eating a health diet

Today, February 4th, is known as World Cancer Day. 

A day where we remember those who lost the battle against cancer, and encourage those who are still fighting, and celebrate with the survivors.

At a young age, I lost both my grandfather and dog to cancer, and honestly, there's not a day that goes by where I don't miss them and that I hope I hear that a cure has been found for all cancers. They live on each day in my memory.

If someone you know and love is affected by cancer, whether they themselves are the victim or they have another friend or a family member thats battling it, there's always something you can do to help. You don't have to find the cure for cancer for them, you just have to be there for them.

Watch a movie, play a card game, go for a walk, read a book, take them out somewhere for the day, depending on who the person is that is affected by cancer, there's always a way to distract them. Even if it's for five minutes or an hour, you can make a difference.

Today is the day that everyone around the world come together and take a stand to a disease that has affect most, if not all, of us.

Let's come together to find a cure and kick cancer in the ass.



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Endless Opportunities

In our last year of school, we're constantly pressured to choose ONE profession for the rest of our lives, encouraged to send in many college/university applications, and most of all, we're told to make something of ourselves.

We don't have to do that.

I am so sick of people telling me what they think is best for me, and I should do with my life. If I don't want to become a doctor, I won't become one. If I want to listen to a specific type of music that makes me happy, I'll do just that. If I don't want to go out during the weekend with friends, how does that affect your life in the long run?

For me, most often of times, it's my teachers and/or parents telling me what I should do, or what my strengths are. Having someone thinking they know what I want to (should) do and myself thinking of what I actually want to do are two very different things.
Wouldn't you think that I would know what I want to do with MY life and what my strengths are? 

We have to make one choice out of a possible 600 or more possibilities of a career choice, and be happy with it for the rest of our lives. How can I start to make a choice like that when I don't even know who I am? They're millions of different choices of what we can do with our lives, and I'm terrified of making the wrong choice. Who wouldn't be?

Freedom is a wonderful thing, because we get to decide what we want to do. We've have complete control over our lives. We're independent minds that can do whatever we can dream of doing

That's my freedom is my biggest fear.

When you come to realize that you have complete control over your life and that you're responsible for your own happiness, it's terrifying because it means that we have to make choices in our life. We have to make choices that could be minor, you completely change our lives forever. We have the freedom to decide what we are doing with our one, terribly short, life.

What if you make the wrong choice?

You don't want to spend the majority of your life doing something you're not even all that passionate about.

If you feel remotely the same, remember that there ARE endless opportunities out there in the world.

I'm not going to say to quit your job, but take a vacation when it becomes too much, go back to school to change to a career that you are passionate about, play video games, listen to music, watch videos online, go for a night out with friends, have a night in with an important someone. Do whatever it takes to make you happy. Do whatever it takes to make you happy now and do what will make you happy in the future. 

With great freedom comes great responsibility. You're responsible for your happiness, so make it count. If you're not happy with something at the moment, there's always an opportunity, a good one, for you in the future. No one deserves to look back on life and to have regrets about not doing something they knew deep down that they always wanted to do but never thought they could achieve. Give it a shot! You have nothing to lose.  

Be sensible about your choices, but make it the best life you can with the goal of being happy. Of course you can't be happy 100% of the time, but you do have rights to feel good about your life and to not have to think that you messed up for a big part of it.

I'm not sure about you guys, but I have one shot at this thing we call life, and I'm going to make it count right until the end.


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So Many People, Yet So Alone

In my first blog post One More Blog On The Internet, I said that I deal with my emotions by covering them up and trying to make them end quickly, and that I tried to maintain a diary although it never worked, and I'm writing on my blog in hope to reach out to other people who feel the same way that I do, sometimes.

Today is more of a diary post type of entry.

I do have a few friends at school, but sometimes, I just hate being around them.

I've never been the "go-to friend", meaning that I was always considered as the less relevant friend. If something really cool or exciting happened to one of my friends, I was never/am never the first to know. Usually, I'm the last to be told or informed of something.

If I get to class and put my stuff down on a desk, I, quite often, have my stuff moved to the end of the row of desks or to a completely different row so that my other friends can talk. I'm usually left on the end, not really invited or necessarily wanted in a conversation. Plans that I'm never invited to join are constantly being made in front of me.

I remember back in December, my girl friends made plans to go dress shopping for a school dance, realized I was there and they said they'd text me about it. It got to the next day and I didn't receive anything, so when my best friend that is apart of another group of friends asked me to go to the mall, I didn't hesitant to say yes. I wasn't going to sit around all day for these girls to text me.

We walked right past the girls that originally said that they were going to text me and the only thing they did was give me a small smile, and they kept on walking. Not even a "Hi," or anything. It's not because they didn't want to spend time with the friend that I ended up going with, because at this rate, they talk to her more often then they talk to me.

Some friends, right?

Whenever I try to tell a story, I'm often talked over and then forgotten or just flat out told that no one cares. I make a small joke and they say it was stupid and carry out a different conversation, yet if someone makes the same joke a little later, everyone laughs.

These are the people that I call my friends, yet I wonder if I should associate myself with them at all.

With all of that said, I am a very eccedentesiast person. I fake smiles, I don't let people know that what they say to me or how they treat me hurts me. I always have this small smile on around them that keeps on getting less and less genuine.

There's undoubtedly this feeling of loneliness even though I'm surrounded by all these people.

If anyone can relate to what I said in the slightest, let's do this together.

Let's talk to more people. Let's talk to someone that we feel comfortable around and someone who makes us feel good about ourselves and that make us genuinely happy to be around.

If you want to do this but are too scared to leave your "old friends", please remember that they do not own you and you don't own them anything. You can do whatever you'd like to do to make yourself happy.

It would be awesome if someone went out to find someone that makes them happy after reading this post because they got inspired and share a little bit of their story in the comments. That way, it's proof to someone else that it's not only one person feeling this way, and that we can all share stories and help one another. I know that I'll share mine when it happens.

I will say that this was something quite personal for me to write about, so I really do hope that there's something you can take away from this.


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The Old Man And The Bucket

There's a story I heard about a month ago, and it's one that I would love to share with you guys.

*

Long ago, there was this old man that lived far from the nearest village. He would have to walk two hours along a dirt road to get into town and fill his buckets up with water, and then walk two hours back to his house. He brought home the water in two buckets.

One bucket was old and leaked water. The bucket felt bad because every time the old man would arrive home with him, he would be almost empty.

One day, the bucket finally decided to speak up and talk to his owner. "Master," he started with. "Why do you keep me? I am not as useful to the other bucket when it comes to transporting water. By the time we get home, I'm almost empty. I am no longer of any use to you."

The Master looked at the bucket and replied with "Tomorrow when we go to fetch water from the well in the village, I want you to look around you and see what you can."

The bucket agreed, and then next day, they went into town and the same thing happened on the way home. He was almost empty by the time that the other bucket, his Master and himself arrived back at their home. Once again, he felt less then helpful to his Master.

His Master sat down next to him and asked him what he saw. The bucket said "Well I noticed that on my side of the path while walking back from the village, there were many flowers. There were flowers and grass, it looked green and full of life, while on the other side, there was only dirt.

"That's correct," the Master smiled. "Although you see no use in yourself for transporting water, you were more than useful when it came to helping the flowers grow. Because you leaked over the dirt, you helped the flowers and the grass grow from the dirt. Although you are almost empty every time we arrive home, you helped to create something beautiful without knowing it. The other bucket couldn't have done it, it was only you that made the path beautiful. Because of you, we no longer see a boring dirt path, we see something wonderful."

*

Although you feel like you're not doing anything good, or that you're wasting time doing something,you never truly know how much of an impact it can have on something or someone else. It's important to remember that although you may not be the best at something or feel like you're making an impact, you could be.

You could be helping to create something beautiful.


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School And Cameras

I've never been one for being in pictures. I would always try and find a way around it, such as stalling for as long as possible, volunteering to take the picture, anything to avoid being in the picture itself.

I love taking pictures, though. As cheesy as it is, I love the idea of a story, a moment or a memory being captured in a single frame for the rest of eternity. Cheesy, I know, but it's true. It's an amazing thing.

Something that I don't think should be allowed is that teachers at schools have the right to decide to put the "No taking pictures at all" rule aside and make us, the students, film ourselves on iPads to record something for the class even though we clearly don't want to be.

Earlier on during the school year, my math teacher wanted us to film ourselves, and whoever else was in our group, reviewing a subject that we learnt and solving a problem that we made up on our own, related to that problem. She also stated that EVERYONE had to be in the video so that everyone could get marked fairly on it, even if you only see a person for a few seconds. Although she didn't say it,she implied that if you didn't talk in the video, you would lose points,

What happened to the no filming/picture rule? Why can teachers defy it? How did other people like me feel, being forced to partake in a video they don't want anything to do with?

I was lucky enough to have a doctors appointment at the exact date and time that I was supposed to be filming this video in math class, so I was able to avoid it.

Although I knew I could manage to avoid it, the idea still of having to do it still bothered me.

Another thing that my school does, it could be described as an end of the year banquet, where some students are recognized for academic achievements or their impact on a sports team.

For that event, the school wants pictures of every student to put in a PowerPoint slideshow, and I remember that last year, there was a teacher in the doorway that would stop the students that they didn't have pictures of. You had to go through that doorway, because it was the only one that lead to the locker area and all the classrooms. She kept stoping students to get a picture, and yes, I was one of them.

I simply refused to have my picture taken and I walked away to no longer be in the camera shot.

This year, they started doing it sooner, so during the math class before we started to film (the one the day before), my math teacher was going around and taking pictures of all the groups.

Once again, I really didn't want to be in a picture, so I got up and moved to the side wile she took the picture.

Because of that, I got called a buzzkill and boring by a guy that was in my group, and my teacher agreed.

At what point are you allowed to say that to a student who's uncomfortable with you taking a picture of them?

Why do teachers get to break this rule and not respect the decisions and privacy of a student?

It makes them hypocritical.


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The Perfect Text

Do you ever send a text to someone, most times a friend, and the minute that you hit the send button, you're already imagining what the other person might respond with or what you hope that they'll reply with?

A few days ago, I had one of my few good friends text me and asking why I wasn't in school, to which I replied saying that I was sick.

I could already imagine the possibilities of what he could text back. I was picturing it saying "Oh man, how are you doing?" or "What are you sick with?" or anything along those lines of asking how I was doing, but in reality, all I got was a "That sucks."

I can't say that I was over the moon to read that text, but what could I have done? He cared enough to ask, and that was already sweet of him.

When you're talking to someone through a screen, they can't see you, can't see how you look, let alone see how you react to a certain text. Even in person, they can't climb into your head and see the perfect response that you could be picturing in your mind.

I do feel, to an extent, that I'm more confident over text for those exact same reasons. You don't have to see the person while texting them a specific thing, you don't have to see their reaction, you can easily stop talking to them if things go wrong, it could be a little easier to open up to a person under those circumstances.

There's a very slim chance of you receiving the perfect text that you could be imagining, but does that mean it's bad to think about it? Are you just setting yourself up for disappointment? Can you get a text better then what you've imagined?

There's always a chance that you might get the text that you've always wanted to read. It could be a small serendipity, who knows?

I just know that I'm still waiting for mine to happen.


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One More Blog On The Internet

I've been internally debating whether I wanted to start this blog or not for ages.

Why, you might be asking yourself?

Do you ever get the feeling when you have so many emotions and thoughts boiling up inside you that if one more problem is added on, you’ll be like one of those kettles with the steam pouring and screeching out the sides? But once the screeching starts, you try to be fast to make it stop? That’s how I deal with a lot of things, I try to cover it up and end it quickly.

You all might be thinking “Why don’t you just have a diary? Why do you want to post all of this on the internet forever?”

I did once try to maintain a diary, but it never worked. It would always be about pointless events that happened in my day. Not anything from the way I truly felt, in worry that my family might find it and read it.

I feel as though if I started this blog, I would have motivation to write, knowing that someone might be reading this and being able to read what I write.

This is why my blog will forever be anonymous.

I won’t have to worry about who’s reading this-whether its family or friends, and I have complete freedom to write about whatever comes to mind and how I truly think about certain things.

I really hope that I can write about something that other teenagers like me could relate to. A place where we can all take off the masks we wear and are able to be ourselves, a blog where someone can learn something, where I can help other people, and where I can maybe inspire people.

But if that never happens, it doesn't matter. I’m just one more girl online.

I hope this was an alright introduction for my blog. Thanks for reading and I also hope that some of you are interested in what I might have to say later on.

One More Girl, no longer online