Where Have I Been?

Hey everyone, I'm finally back to blogging!

So as many of you may know, my last blog post was back in February, and honestly the first reason as to why I stopped blogging back in February is because I'm awful at keeping secrets.

I have an older cousin who lives in New York and I love her so much, she's my inspiration. In late January, her friends and family from back home in Canada decided to book flights over our March break to surprise her for her birthday. We've been discussing the possibility of going to New York and surprising her for her birthday back in June/July 2015, so there was no way I was going to ruin the surprise.

I honestly came close to letting the cat out of the bag (as did some other family members) about this whole trip while on the phone with my cousin. From February into March, my family and I had limited contact with my cousin and kept all conversations general, we were all scared of spoiling it.

I keep my blog extremely private and only a handful of people know my identity behind the screen, and my cousin is one of them, so I decided to stay clear of blogging until the trip happen.

My cousin's family and friends all arrived in New York and she was really surprised to say the least. There were a few glitches that my family still laughs about to this day, but overall it was all that we expected.

I actually filmed the majority of our trip to make a birthday video for my cousin as a present, so the weekend after we got home, I was in the middle of editing my first ever video and my laptop broke!

That's the second reason as to why I haven't been able to post until now.

Do you know how expensive it is to pay for an unexpected new laptop? It's not fun.

So since then, I've worked as many shifts as a swim instructor as I could to pay off my new beautiful MacBook Pro and I'm currently two thirds of the way to finishing my lifeguarding course!

Since the last time I posted, some pretty amazing things have happened to me, so I'll list some off:

• I turned 16 and have had my beginners for a fair amount of time now
• I will be returning to New York in 21 days (or so) with my school band
• I have been teaching mermaid classes with an actual mermaid company, they give me a tail and I help them manage the kids
• Teachers at my school have asked me to represent my school and give a speech at City Hall

Overall, I'm happier.

I've had amazing opportunities come my way since my trip to New York in March and I don't see them slowing down anytime soon.

I think I've caught you up on most things, so I will be back to posting regular from now on and I'm so happy to be back and blogging again.


One More Girl, no longer online

Don't Deny A Friend

When a few friends and I were just discussing a possibility of plans of watch a movie after school during the school day on Monday, we didn't know that it would go this far.

On Monday, we were talking about the possibility of the plans, it was only among three friends and I.

When we touched on the topic on Tuesday in math class, another person in our social group jumped in and said he couldn't wait for it.

The social group I'm apart of is pretty spread out, it's almost like there's one in each class and this would be my math and band social group.

I didn't know what to think of another friend jumping in on the plans, so we left it until today.

While finalizing the plans today, the friend who sort of invited himself said he was really excited, and I didn't have a problem with it.

However, one of my friends in the original planning group approached me and told me that he's iffy about the guy that invited himself because sometimes he makes him feel uncomfortable.

To be honest, I can understand where he's coming from because this guy doesn't always know when it's okay to continue on a joke and when you have to stop it there.

In other words, he doesn't always know where to draw the line.

It can make people feel uncomfortable, but that's him and maybe he'll learn later in time where to draw the line, and it's alright if that will take him a bit more time.

At this rate, I was torn.

Do I invite the friend who seemed like he really wanted to come or do I accommodate to the friend who feels uncomfortable at times around this person.

Then I realized something.

Not even 6 months ago, I was the kid who wanted to be invited to social events but wasn't always invited by the people I called my friends.

I know the feeling of thinking your friends hate you, I know the feeling of thinking you're alone and I know that it's one of the worst things to hear plans be made in front of you and you're not a part of them.

I talked to my friend that was a part d the original plan and explained to him my point of view and he agreed and saw where I was coming from.

He said that he could manage for a night, so that's what we did.

We all went to my house after school, played a few video games while waiting for one friend from the original plan and another last minute joiner because they were both at work and then we watched a movie.

In the end, I learnt that in high school, your social group will be very diverse and you will have many friends in all of your different classes.

It's okay to want to make plans with just a few of them, however if you are to make them, do them in private.

It's one of the worst feelings to hear some of your class friends make plans and not include you, but it also hurts to hear "I guess you can come too."

If you want a small group, make plans in private and if another wants to join, there's no reason nor need (unless it's something like your parents put a strict limit on number of friends that can be at the house) to deny them of the chance to be with friends.

Sometimes the only thing someone needs is a friend. Don't deny them of that.


One More Girl, no longer online

Good Memories Don't Leave You

Something that my old school does every year is that the graduating students put on a show.

For the past seven years, it was "Roi de l'École" meaning "King of the School".

Because it was the King of the school, it was only the boys who could enter as contestants although the girls were in the show, however they couldn't win a "prize".

This year was the first edition of the "Star of the School", so anyone who wanted to could enter.

There were only five contestants, but all of the graduates participated in it someway or another.

This was the first year I went to go see this event at the school, so it was a little weird seeing something I always thought I would participate in.

I met up with a few of my old friends when I got to the school and we watched the event together.

The event was really well done, it was amazing and it was great seeing all of my old friends.

However, I have to admit that being at my old school brought up a lot of good memories and it made me want to go back.

These are the kids that I've gone to school with since primary, we have pictures of each other from when we were 5-6 years old! I moved away from everyone that I knew since I was little and sometimes I still wonder "Well, what if I stayed?"

Honestly, I thought about going back for grade 12 and it was immensely tempting.

When I got home, I talked to my parents about it and the only way I could go back to my old French school and still stay in the IB program would be to switch back after Christmas break this school year.

I wouldn't be able to go back just for grade 12 because the schools don't offer the same IB program and to go from none intensive writing in French to a high level French exam, I would be a little rusty.

I can't lie, I spent my whole evening thinking about what I really wanted to do, all of my good memories are at that school, and then I realized something important.

Memories don't change.

I can have all of those good memories at the French school and make more at my English school.

Of course the friendships aren't as close as my past ones, but you're constantly meeting people your whole life and being with the same people for so long can cause you to be in a safe bubble you can no longer venture out of.

I don't need to be in the same school to remember the good memories from it, I just have to remember that those memories aren't going anywhere.

One More Girl, no longer online 

Become Infatuated

I want to start off this post by saying that I'm terribly sorry for being off-schedule with my posts recently. I do try to keep it to every Sunday and Wednesday as much as possible, but work and school have to come first and by the end of the day, I'm usually exhausted and don't have the energy to write. I'm starting to find a bit more of a balance, but bear with me at the moment!

I take any chance I get to appreciate and thank you all for reading my blog. It's an absolute shock to me that so many people take time to read about my life and to even leave comments and I'm just so honored that I can write blog content that you enjoy to read.

I love all of my readers so much, I really do. There's a few people in particular that comes to mind when I think of my blog because I know that they're reading and they leave the loveliest comments and I'm so grateful for that.

But as much as I love you all and turn to you guys first with any news that I have, I've been holding back a little bit with some news and I really want to share it with you.

I have a boyfriend.

Yeah, I might've build that up to be something that you're now wondering "Why would you tell us this? It doesn't affect our life in any way."

Yes, it might not have a single impact on your life, but I don't want to talk about being him necessarily, but the feeling of being with him.

That sentence probably sounded very odd to you, but bear with me once again.

This is my first boyfriend and I have to say that things are going great, he's great and it's just amazing.

We spend quite a bit of time together, not just in school but also outside of school. We've had a few movie marathons, a few library sessions for homework and coffeeshop studying.

The more time I spend with him, the more I become infatuated with him.

I don't want any of you to think "Of course you're becoming infatuated with him; you're dating him!"

This is the first person I've stumbled across in my life that I hate saying goodnight to.

Within both of my schools, I've seen friends so close that they text each other in the early hours of the morning, arrive to school and stick together, text each other when they're in different classes, stick together again and then text them on the way home and the cycle repeats itself. They can't see themselves being apart from the other, they're constantly communicating to fill in the void of not having the other there in person.

I've never had a person in my life like that until now.

I am telling you this today because you don't have to only be infatuated with a boyfriend/girlfriend, it can be anyone; an acquaintance, a friend, a best friend, absolutely anyone.

We've been dating for a little bit over a month now, things could honestly go in any direction for us, but that's what you always have to remember in life.

You never know what's going to be around the corner for you or the people in your life. If you find someone that you just want to spend all night talking to whether it's about jokes, 2am conversations that you'll barely remember the next day or conspiracy theories, seize the chance and do it.

It took me over a decade to find someone that I don't want to say goodnight to and I don't plan on that changing anytime soon. 

If you have someone in your life at the moment that you infatuated with, platonically or not, seize it. Don't find a reason to be staying up until 2am talking about why you think aliens exist, just do it.

As I mentioned before, you never know what life might have for you just around the corner. If you're afraid to become infatuated with someone because you don't know what the outcome will be, do it.

Of course you never know what will happen and things could change and they become bittersweet memories for you, but they'll return to happy memories because you'll remember how you loved those early hour conversations.

This might be something that you might not have needed to read because you already know this, but it's always good to be reminded to go for the things that you might be scared to do.

Get lost in the conversations, have time to yourselves, go for adventures, do whatever it is with someone that you're besotted with. 

I have no other reason to tell you why you should do that besides the fact that you're young.

We're all bound to make mistakes, we focus too much on school and finding/having a job that we forget to enjoy yourselves and get lost in a moment with someone else. 

I'm not necessarily recommending that you stay up until 2am texting someone that you're besotted with on a school night, but I am recommending that you do something with them that you don't do with anyone else.

Life is going to seem very short when we're all looking back on it; don't be afraid to spend it being smitten (once again platonically or not) with someone and creating memories that will make you both laugh and cringe.


One More Girl, no longer online

A Perfect Balance And Pumpkin Races

My last post I mentioned how I'm going to not put too much on my plate, I'm not going to take any more extra shifts unless I was sure I could do it without missing something that's important to me such as something with friends that was planned in advance, homework or shifts/special events at the museum that I volunteer at.

Today I had my shift at the pool in the morning, but two weeks ago, I said that I could work a shift the same evening because I thought my schedule would be clear.

Turns out that I mixed up the dates and it interfered with plans that I made with my friends.

Knowing that I had plans with friends that afternoon, but also realizing that I took the shift, I told my co-worker of the original shift and we worked something out! I said that if we couldn't find someone else to take the shift, then I would cover it because it was my mistake and she was completely fine with that!

I ended up being able to find a sub for her the day before, so everything worked out perfectly.

Not too far from where I live, every Thanksgiving weekend, there's an event called the Pumpkin Races.

The Pumpkin Races are where people grow pumpkins that are over 1000 pounds and they paddle across a lake in the pumpkin that they grew.

It's a huge event that many people go to. A lot of it is a fundraiser for many things but there are also stands all over, for example one was a chili cooking contest, another to raise money for a school trip, another to raise money for a school playground and more, but then there were also concession stands and bouncy castles.

It's quite the event.

Either way, this is the first time my friends and I have gone to the event and we had a great time. 

Two of my friends joined me and one of the fundraisers there was a dunk tank. For five dollars, I could get six balls to throw, so I paid five dollars and we each threw two balls.

My first throw was a little off, but I nailed the second one! I hit it right on the target and dunked the girl! I felt bad because she must've been freezing, but she probably went and got changed after that.

I was really proud of myself, that was my first time doing something like that, so it was pretty exciting for me.

After that, we watched the races, drove home where one of my friends came to my house (the other had to go back home for Thanksgiving dinner) and we watched a movie.

I didn't have to go to the Pumpkin Races, I could've told my friends and they both would've understood seeing as they both have teaching jobs in skating, but I changed my schedule.

I rebalanced my plate so that it wasn't overflowing with work. 

I would've been at the pool all day, I would've worked so much that I would've been exhausted and cold for the majority of the day, but because I found another sub, I wasn't overwhelmed with my day, there was a perfect balance between work, friends and family.

You'll always have the chance to try and rebalance your schedule so that one thing doesn't outweigh the other. Sometimes you won't always have the chance to do this, but I'll always recommend that you try to because it will make you feel better throughout the day.


One More Girl, no longer online

Reaching Out

Since the summer, my anxiety levels have been a roller coaster.

During the summer, I would have good days and bad days, but it always felt as though the bad days outnumbered the good.

I would be stressed over everything, I would kick myself for every little thing done wrong and I just felt as though I was letting everyone down the whole summer.

That's a lot on one person's shoulders.

The whole summer long I felt as though I was letting everyone down and I didn't talk to anyone about it.

I felt so alone for three months, but I couldn't ask someone for help.

I felt as though I couldn't ask someone for help because I didn't think other people would understand. I thought that they would compare my constant anxiety to stressing out over a test that you only became nervous for a few minutes before you receive the test.

I felt as though I was always on edge and that anything could set me off.

It went on for so long that it became a normal feeling to me.

That's not okay.

I didn't do much to change things, but I did start to talk to people more, I started to say how I truly felt from time to time and it felt pretty good.

I knew that I'm defiantly not the only person who deals with anxiety in the world, but I felt as though I was the only person in MY world, meaning my social groups.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Did you know that nowadays, about one person out of three deals with a mental illness of some sort?

That's insane, it's absolutely insane. One person out of every three? That could be your mother, father, brother, sister, cousin, best friend, teacher, classmate, it can be anyone and you don't know who because you can't always see a mental illness.

I went to the movies tonight with two of my good friends, and at one point, one of them left about two thirds into the movie.

I figured at first that he was just going to the washroom, but as time went on, I got more and more worried about him.

I hid my phone so I wouldn't disturb anyone else and then I sent him a text to see if everything was alright.

He kept telling me that everything was fine, but when I saw him after the movie ended, I knew something was wrong.

I'm not going to go into detail about the story because it's not mine to tell, but in the long run, my friend was outside getting some air.

He told me that he thought it was better out there than in the theatre and that's okay.

He needed fresh air, he needed time to himself and that's okay, my other friend and I understood completely! Of course we wanted to make sure that he was okay, but we also don't want to push anything.

He texted me after we all got home and we talked about it and how he'll always have my support.

I was so proud of him because he was talking about it to me, he was reaching out and trusting me.

That's exactly what he have to do more. We need to trust the people in our lives a little bit more, we need to open up if we ever feel too stressed or worried or anything else and we need to reach out.

If you ever need someone to reach out to and don't know who, I will always accept emails and help out whoever and however I can at the email address onemoregirlonlineadvice@gmail.com

I can promise you that someone will always be there, whether it's myself or someone within your social group, willing to reach out to you too.

One More Girl, no longer online 

Immediately Clicking With A Stranger

A lot of the time, people tend to click together in the sense that they fit together.

Friends click together, especially best friends.

Usually the story behind best friends is that they've known each other for years, they went to school together, their parents knew each other before they were born, things like that. They're friendship is set at an early time of life.

Other times, it happens later in life and over a short amount of time.

This amount of time can be anything from a few days to a few weeks. I find that with the older you get, the more unintentional best friends you have; meaning that you become best friends with them because in a short amount of time, they become or go-to person to communicate with.

At my old school, my best friend and I had known each other for ages, we've been best friends since grade two and we haven't looked back since.

Once again at my old school but with a different group of friends, I clicked with them at first, but then we just sort of didn't click together any more.

Arriving at my new school this year, I wasn't sure what was going to happen.

I was hoping to make friends on my first day of school, but that didn't really happen for me.

With almost a full month of school done, I've defiantly made a few friends.

I have the same group of people that I have all my classes with that are good friends of mine, I have friends that I only have a few classes with, but that's okay.

I have many new friends now, and although I really enjoy being with them all and that I think they're great, I don't know if we've really clicked yet.

I will talk to them my whole school day, but I still feel as though I'm holding myself back when I'm with them.

However, I don't feel this way towards everyone.

There's one guy in particular at my new school that I really do feel a click with.

With only one month of school completed, I think that I could call him my best friend there because I can easily talk him about everything and I don't feel nervous around him at all.

I really believe that I've had one of my first moment a where I instantly clicked with someone that I barely knew to begin with.

It's a bit odd seeing as there's still so much for me to learn about him and vice versa, but we both enjoy each other's company.

Clicking with someone you just meant is such a great thing because it gives you a go-to friend when you feel alone or you don't know where to go in a new environment.

In all honesty, feeling as though I have a clicked with someone I just met is a great feeling. Because of this click, I have someone to hang out with outside of school and I have someone I'm not scared to ask for help.

I've never felt as though I have a connection with someone that I met as soon as I did with this guy, but I have one with him.

I hope that this is something that everyone will experience at least once in their life.

It can take years to build up a high level of trust with a previous friend, but to have that same level of trust within someone that you just met is almost a relieving feeling.


One More Girl, no longer online

The Beginning Of An Amazing Adventure

I've always been a wanderer at heart.

I remember when I was younger, my mom would be in the living room with her cup of tea in the morning and she would be watching travel shows, and I would be making mental lists of where I wanted to go.

I would watch the show with her, but I was never actually there because I dreamt about being in the location of the travel episode we were watching.

Growing up. I still am filled with wanderlust, but I can't exactly do anything about it yet.

I can picture these grand and amazing adventures when I can't even afford two packs of gum.

As I grew older, the desire to travel and to have an adventure was put on the backburner while I started to focus more on school and my jobs.

When things in my life started to get too chaotic, I saw adventures as a way to leave everything behind. It's like as soon as I have the greatest adventure of my life, I'll be okay.

I'd be leaving the stress of work, of school and of home life behind me.

It would only be me and an unexplored part of the world to me that was just waiting to be explored.

I've heard travel stories from dozens of people, and every time I hear a story, I feel as though something is missing in my life and and I won't feel while until I have this grand adventure.

I spent the day with my friends today and one that I'm particularly close to kept saying that we were going on an adventure whenever we started to walk to a new destination.

I never realized how right he was until today.

According to Google, the definition of an adventure is "An unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity."

Although it's not always hazardous, spending time with my friends, there's always something unusual and exciting. There's always something to laugh at, you never know what topics are going to come up in conversation; it's always an adventure.

Something else that's unusual and exciting is that from where I live, there's a lunar eclipse tonight.

I've been photographing it and watching in amazement as the moon is slowly becoming dark and then red.

I don't think I've ever watched a lunar eclipse before, so this is something completely new and interesting and amazing to me.

With all of these events going on, I realized that adventures don't have to be as big and as extraordinary as I pictured them when I was younger, they just have to be something new to me.

I am not in the part of my life where I can control anything whenever and however I want to and I know that, but I'm not going to let that stop me from trying to fill that emptiness I have from not being able to have a great adventure right now, but I don't have to go far to have an amazing adventure.

Sometimes the greatest adventures of them all happen where you least expect them to.


One More Girl, no longer online

Final Decision

As the majority of you may know, from the start of the summer to just recently, I've been debating whether or not my decision to switch schools was the right one or not.

I'm glad to tell you all that I think that I have my final decision on the matter.

I am happy that I did it.

Of course a piece of me will always miss my old school, all of my old friends are there, everything I ever knew is back at that school, but I'm happy with my new school.

I didn't think that I would make many friends, but I did. I have a handful of friends that I talk to every school day. I can't say that I have best friends right now, I'm not particularly very close with all of them, but I do have someone that I have hung out with for a week straight (and there's also this next school week to be added to that) and I find them easy to talk to.

School is still something that I don't specifically look forward to, but I feel as though there's something more for me there.

I felt fine at my old school, but now I feel...accepted. I feel as though there's something for me at that school that I didn't have before.

Of course I still find it terrifying to walk in the hallway at times, but that will probably stay until the rest of the year.

Something else that's really exciting is that I made my school's boys baseball team!

Well, I'm sort of on the team.

I am one of four AP players which means I'm an affiliate player. That means that I only play in exhibition games or if we have a secure spot in a tournament.

I'm happy with that because all the boys who tried out are high level baseball players.

I don't find myself wondering what if, of course I get nervous sometimes when I arrive at the fields for a practice or game, but there are three other people on the bench and then I take a breath and realize that everything is going to be okay.

During the summer, my older cousin was telling how it's a good thing to be nervous sometimes and back then, I was wondering "How? How can it possibly be a good thing?" But now I understand. 

Being nervous isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of being human.

I still have many things to learn about the school and the people in it, but I think it's going to be a good year.

Everything is falling into place for me at the moment. I start working as a swim teacher this Saturday, I'm volunteering at the museum, I'm a peer tutor during some of my lunch breaks and helping other students learn french, I don't feel too stressed (yet) with my homework and I have people to turn to when I need to talk to someone.

I don't know what it is, if it's the things I listed above or not, but something feels right at the moment and I really hope that that feeling doesn't change.


One More Girl, no longer online

Jumping In Feet First

I've been struggling a little bit to make friends in my classes. I have the same group of people that I chat to in classes, but I don't know if I can call them friends yet.

They're all really nice and funny, but I don't talk to them during lunch or outside of school, it's only been in a classroom.

One girl from my softball team is in my grade, she's not in any of my classes, but she's having an easier time making friends seeing as she's really outgoing.

I, on the other hand, am not.

The other day, she was talking about all of her friends and said that she as texting a few of them and I don't really have the contact information of the few people I talk to in class.

Today I went to the library with my friend so that we could get homework done, and she told me that one of her friends was coming with us.

We planned to go to the library at 12:00pm, but apparently it only opened at 2:00pm.

My friend was bored at 12:00pm, so we decided to meet up at a coffee shop not far from the library. I was there maybe 30 minutes before her and I started an English paper and got about halfway through before she showed up.

We got ourselves some drinks and we sat in the comfy seats, talked and I typed my paper.

Not too long after, her friend walked in, got himself a drink and joined us.

I was actually a little nervous, I haven't seen him around school, I didn't know who he was at all and I was nervous to make a fool of myself.

We spent about an hour and a half in the coffee shop, and for the first 45 minutes to an hour maybe, I wouldn't look at him.

Whenever I was talking to the both of them, I would look at my friend and I just couldn't make eye contact with him.

Eventually, we started talking a little bit more, realizing we have a lot of similar interest and we have a really similar music taste.

I pretty much finished all my homework at the coffee shop, but I had some extra things to do at the library which was to write down my thoughts about certain passages from an exert from a book that we had to read in English.

I wrote down one, maybe two, lines.

We spent almost two hours in the library, but none of us got any work done.

We had a little corner to ourselves, so we just messed around, had a laugh and we just had a good time in general.

I definitely feel a lot more comfortable around him then I did when I first met him and that's great because now I think I have my first official friend whom I didn't know going into the new school.

During the day, I learnt that when it comes to new things, it's best to just take a breath and jump in.

It's better to jump in feet first, don't test the water because then you might decided to not get in the water, but if you jump, you'll have a bigger chance of enjoying yourself later on.

My friend had an easier time making friends because she jumped in feet first.

I stood on the side testing the water, it's as if I've been playing things too safe.

Because I'm too nervous to say hi to the people around me, I haven't been making many friends so far.

Today defiantly helped boost my confidence and I hope to jump in and make new friends this week.


One More Girl, no longer online

No More Wondering "What If?"

I jumped into this new school experience thinking that I would make friends right away and that I'd know the majority of the people in my classes.

I was beyond wrong.

I'm a rather shy person and I usually won't initiate a conversation. I'll try to keep it up, but I also tend to be the reason for them to fade out because I think that I talked too much or that the other person isn't interested.

Even on my anonymous blog, I have a few dedicated readers that leave lovely comments and I'm more than grateful for it and I keep myself updated with their blogs, I read them on a regular basis, but even then I don't want to comment in case it's confusing, read in the wrong way or it's unclear. I type out a comment that I find is really nice and has no problem with it whatsoever, but I work myself up to believing that it's wrong in a way and I end up erasing it.

If I can't even comment on blogs owned by the sweetest people ever, then I'm defiantly not outgoing enough to have friends yet.

I've talked to people, been introduced and have introduced myself, but nothing is set in stone yet.

I'm still nervous to go to school, I still don't really know anyone or can go up to someone and start a conversation so I find myself alone the majority of the mornings before school.

Being in band class is helping me out quite a bit because I can spend lunch in the band room and that's helping me meet people with common interests.

But seeing as today is Sunday and it was a beautiful weekend day, I went to the beach and relaxed.

I went with my parents, my godparents and cousin in-law (my poor cousin had to work in perfect beach weather) to a beach and I really enjoyed the time.

I took a nice, long walk on the beach, went in for a swim and what I thought was tanning turned out to be a major burn once I got home, but the beach was still enjoyable.

My cousin in-law is really sweet and she was asking me how the transition was for me and she was telling me a few of her high school stories and her story of when she changed schools in the middle of high school.

I was really interested in her stories and I found myself relating to how she felt when she went through it more and more.

She told me advice that I've heard so many times before but didn't take seriously until now.

Don't hold back.

She told me all the things she regretted not doing and how you don't really think about it and regret it until later in life.

I guess it's the fact that it was personal to her and that she had a hint of sadness in her voice for not doing everything she told me about that made me realize that I should expand my horizons a bit.

I've decided that I'm going to try out for my school's baseball team.

It's nothing much, but it's a start.

I don't want to regret anything from my school years, I'd rather do it and say "Why on earth did I think that that was a good idea?" than always wonder "What if?"

I'm going to make this school worth something for me and you guys shouldn't be afraid to do the same.


One More Girl, no longer online.

First Day Back To School

As many of you know, this summer I decided to change quite a bit and that includes schools and completely changing school boards.

Today was my first day of school and it wasn't...disastrous.

Two girls on my softball team are also attending the school, so I was going to meet up with them before classes started, but I'm not in any of their classes.

I was the first one out of us three to get to the school, so I spent a good five minutes standing around on my own in a crowded hallway, pretending to be interested in something on my phone.

When one of my friends showed up, I felt a lot more at ease.

We waited a bit until our other friend came and she showed us to our classes (because I never got a proper orientation to the school and my friend is coming from being homeschooled), so I wasn't the first one in the classroom.

On the contrary, it was quite full.

Honestly, it's one of my biggest fear to walk in a quiet room full of people that I don't know.

The people I knew at the school were all in different classes. At times there were kids that I knew from seeing around town, but there was no one in my class that I properly, previously, knew.

My heart was pounding and I got so worried that I went straight for the back of the class and didn't make eye contact with anyone.

It remained like that for my next class, too, but it got better from there.

I had English class and I ended up sitting next to a girl who knew me a little bit because she saw me teaching swimming lessons and recognized me, so we chatted for a bit and she's really nice.

During English, the teacher had us write up a little one minute presentation about ourselves so she could get to know us a little better and for our classmates to learn something about us.

Presentations took place today and more are happening tomorrow, but I went today.

It was awful, I was shaking, my heartbeat sped up again, I felt as though I was stumbling over words, I was at lost for words and I just wanted to leave the room.

I didn't though, I stuck with it and got it done and I was happy with myself for that.

I'm not great with oral presentations, especially in a place where I don't know anyone, but as soon as I got that over with, I felt a lot better.

By the time lunch ended and I had to go to my third class, I felt better. I got the worst part of the day over with and I spoke in front of the class.

By the end of third period, I had talked to a total of three people (including the girl from English class) and they were all really friendly.

It was funny because I was talking to a guy in my class and as you all might know I'm bilingual, and transferring terminology from math and science will be the hardest thing for me, but I struck up a deal with him that if he helps me in math, I'll help him in French.

I was lucky today because I had an off-block/free period, so I got to go home right after my third class.

Tomorrow and Friday I will have had a full school day (and school picture day on Thursday), so I'll have to give you guys my overall impression of the school (mainly just the classes I have this first semester) on Sunday after giving it some thought on Saturday.

First days are always the worst and always make people feel nervous, but as soon are you get over that one big drop where you get the most nerve wracking event over and done with, it's smooth sailing from there.

If you're nervous like I was, all you have to do is start a conversation with one person and you can stick by them during other classes. They could be just as nervous as you are and are more than happy to have you by their side.

I understand how difficult it can be to change schools and be in an environment with new people, so don't feel bad if you don't jump in and start talking to people right away. Take your time with it and go at a pace that you find comfortable.

There's only one first day, so as soon as that's done, it might be a little easier to breathe.


One More Girl, no longer online

Battle Hard

Well I just got back home tonight after a 12+ hour ride home from a softball tournament and it wasn't too bad.

We ended up coming fourth out of nine teams and we weren't disappointed by it, but I can't say that we were over the moon about it either.

Still having a bit of a bad ankle, I only played half of every game, so I think I played a total of 2 or 2 and a half games. I understood why, so I was alright with it.

As some of you may know, I wasn't the closest with my teammates.

Some of them, I got along with just fine, others I felt as though they never wanted me on the team to begin with.

I felt really lost and didn't feel as though I was viewed as the other girls on the team, I felt like the joke of the team and it got me down.

Going into this last tournament, I was a little nervous to be with my own team, but I never said anything.

I tried to stay out of the other girls way, I did my thing and I let them do theirs, so in a way I was alone, but I was also content with it at the same time.

There are a few tight-knitted groups in my softball team and it was especially hard for one of them because one girl is moving to the other side of the country for the first semester of school.

Two girls got the idea of making her a shirt with her name and number in the back with a softball on the front and have everyone on the team sign the front of it with a little message for her.

It was a really sweet idea and everyone got in on it.

We all signed the shirt and it was given to her after our second last game.

She teared up and "You guys are a great family," and went to hug the girls who made the shirt for her.

She called us her family.

In the end, just because I didn't feel as though that I belonged doesn't mean that that's how everyone else felt.

Just like a softball game when you're down by one run with two outs and a runner on third and second who can either tie the game or win it for you, you have to battle through.

You have to battle through to the last little bit because it might be worth it. Even if it's not, you'll know that you gave it everything you could.

If you feel alone, there's never any shame in talking about it, but most people tend to battle through that feeling in the end, trying not to let anyone know how they feel.

Yes, we'll try and battle our emotions, but what we should always battle are the things making us feel down.

I know that this is said often; but battle through the bad times for the better times ahead. It'll be worth it.


One More Girl, no longer online

Compliments At The Beach & Understanding Friends

I met up with some friends that I only see once a or twice a year and it was nice to be able to see them again.

My parents and I drive down to their summer cottage, and from there we walked down to the beach.

I walked down to the beach with my two friends alone, our parents were a few minutes behind us, and we picked out a spot to set up at.

My friends kind of dropped their stuff in a spot before running in to go swim because the water was really nice, but I decided to sit back for a bit, sunscreen up and enjoy the sun.

I was just setting my bad down, moving a few things over so things weren't thrown all over our little spot in the beach and getting stuff out of my bag when this teen/early 20's girl came over to me.

At first, I thought "Oh no, we did something wrong. Maybe we're too close to where she and her boyfriend are set up, maybe we disturbed them,  I don't know, I just hope everything's okay."

She came up to me and said "Hi, I just want to say that I think you're really pretty."

I only had the time to muster up a thank you before she went back to where she was set up with her boyfriend.

I honestly think that that was the first time ever that someone actually came up to me to say that they think that I'm pretty.

It definitely made me feel good, but I also felt a little more confident after that. It was really sweet of her to come up and say that to me.

Having a few jobs, I see a lot of people and I'm constantly meeting new people. A lot of these people are are pretty, nice, have a nice shirt or anything along those lines, but I would never have the courage to go up to someone and tell them that I like their shirt or that I think they're pretty.

I want to change that about me.

I'm working tomorrow and if I see someone wearing a nice shirt or someone who I find pretty, I want to tell them.

It's sweet when your friends compliment you, but there's something different about when it's someone you don't know who compliments you.

It feels more genuine in that way.

Either way, I'm going to try and take a step out of my comfort zone for a positive reason.

Shortly following that, our parents met up with us and we spent the day swimming, relaxing on the beach and just catching up with each other.

After that, we headed back up to their cottage, watched a baseball game on the small TV and had supper.

When we finished supper, my friends wanted me to go on the paddleboat with them. I told them that I would be fine sitting on the shore and watching them, plus I had to leave soon, but they insisted that I go out with them.

They didn't know that I deal with anxiety though.

I'm a very good swimmer; I swam for many years of my life and I'm even a swim teacher now! I'm really comfortable around the water, it's just that this was a black bottom lake meaning that I couldn't see the bottom.

I didn't want to disappoint them so I got in the boat and we started to go out. 

I felt really uncomfortable and anxious. The boat was so close to the water and I couldn't see the bottom of the lake and it freaked me out. I started to feel as though I was going to be sick and my breathing changed a little bit.

One of my friends noticed and told the other one to head back in to shore. They asked me what was wrong but I didn't feel as though I could answer without being sick or crying a bit.

When we got to shore, they didn't pressure me into telling them anything and I was thankful for that.

I did tell them, though, because I felt like they deserved to know. I've been friends with them for years and I knew that I could trust them.

Either way, no matter what the scenario is, you should never feel pressured into doing something. Especially when your friends are involved.

If they insist you do something, say that you don't want to do it with a little more authority in your voice and maybe they'll understand.

If they don't forget it. If you don't feel safe or comfortable, do whatever it takes to make you feel so. Real friends shouldn't put you in that position.

If you're like me and afraid to disappoint your friends, remember to not disappoint yourself above all.

It was really nice to spend the day with them, like I mentioned I don't see them often and I really enjoyed the day except for that little paddleboat incident.

However, even with that, I still had a nice day.


One More Girl, no longer online