Fear And Regret

Admittedly, I didn't write a post yesterday like I usually do. I don't have any reason as to why other than the fact that I didn't really know what to write about.

There hasn't been anything extraordinarily different in my life to write about, and I was at a lack of inspiration for a post.

I went to bed slightly frustrated with myself that I couldn't think of something to write about, but I realized that you can't set a fixed time for inspiration for something. If you do, it probably won't turn out the way you want it to, so it's okay to wait for that inspiration to hit. 

My inspiration for this post hit me today when I was texting a friend and he was telling me that he was nervous and scared to go to a camp that goes for a few weeks and that's a 15 hour drive away/2 hour flight away from home.

I could understand why he would be scared and nervous; he's going alone, there's no one that he already knows going with him. If I were in his shoes, I would be terrified to do it. He's quite courageous to be doing it, honestly.

Having been in that situation myself with a different scenario, I told him what I thought.

I told him that being nervous and scared to go is normal, who wouldn't feel that way? I said that he would certainly make friends. He was still a little hesitant, saying that he supposed that that was true.

Finally, I told him something that helped me figure things out for myself.

I told him that he'd regret if it he didn't go.

Yes, he would be home with the people that he knows, he would be with friends, but he would always wonder what would happen if he didn't go.

While texting I said "You might be scared now, yes, but will you regret not going because fear is holding you back? Probably," and he agreed.

He said that he would regret it and told me that that's a good way of thinking about things.

I gave the advice that I was too scared to follow myself, so I changed that.

As some of you may know, I've had a choice to make: to stay at my current school which is French or change to the local English High School.

Although the English school seemed like the better choice, I was terrified to make the official decision, terrified to regret it. After thinking about it, I realize that I will most likely regret the choice I never took. 

I don't want to live my life that way.

I don't want to regret anything, I want to try everything. Not everything is my cup of tea, I realize that, but how can I find that perfect brew if I never try it? Sure I might have some unpleasant tea at times, but that's how you find the perfect brew.

I decided to follow my own advice and I'm going to the local English high school.

Fear is associated with regret, the go hand in hand, you'll feel one or the other at times.

Just because you fear something though, doesn't mean you regret it.

Don't hold back on something because you're scared of regret. If you don't try it, you'll regret that too. Might as well try something and know that you regretted it.

One More Girl, no longer online

Inappropriate Jokes And Being "Sensitive"

When you're in school, you hear a lot of things. You hear rumours, you hear lies, you hear gossip, but you also hear jokes.

Jokes are great because they can help you make it through a day. If it's a long day in particular, they can lift your spirits up a little bit. There's no harm in having a laugh!

There is a harm, however, in making inappropriate jokes.

Back when I was twelve years old, there was an incident that happened that left me emotionally traumatized. A few years later and I still have trouble talking about it without crying a little bit.

It was a really hard time for me and I feel as though I haven't gotten completely over it.

Fast forward a few years and I've come to accept the fact that it happened and I'm trying to move on from it, but that's definitely easier said then done.

How am I supposed to move on from that bad point in my life if people keep making jokes about it and laughing about it?

I don't talk about what happened at all, so people don't know that I suffer from it, but that doesn't mean they should joke about it anyway!

This is a little worse than I what I experienced, so please don't go off thinking the worse, but did you know that one in every four woman in North America will be sexually assaulted throughout their life?

Did you know that 60% of sexually abused/assaulted people are under the age of 17?

Did you know that 57% of aboriginal women (in Canada) have been sexually abused?

With statistics like those in only one single category, how can you feel good or accomplished about making jokes about rape?

If you're the person feeling offended by the joke, you're left with the choice of telling the people who told the joke to stop because jokes like that aren't funny, or you're left with the choice of sitting back, not saying anything by it while being bothered by the joke.

From personal experience, if you tell people that a joke like that isn't funny and it's wrong, then, from personal experience, you might hear the words "Oh my God, you're so lame," or "What a loser," or what I find to be the worst "God, you're so sensitive."

That's the worse for me because that's a complete lie.

I am not being too sensitive. I am being a person who is trying to avoid a bad time in my life. I am a person trying overcome a traumatizing experience. I am doing what any person would do in that situation and you're mocking me for that and making my emotional recover take longer.

This is an issue that has to be addressed.

I constantly hear people joking about rape, being gay, being assaulted/sexually assaulted, having a mental illness, being suicidal and more.

Jokes like that aren't funny. People are scarred for life from events like that.

Do you have any idea how many people struggle with coming out to their friends and family that they end up not doing it? People have to find their love for another person because they feel as though they won't be accepted by the people in their life.

It isn't fair.

Something that people have to start understanding is:

Rape jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Assault jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Sexual assault jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Mental illness jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Physical illness jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Weight jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Self harm jokes aren't funny to everyone.
LGBT jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Race jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Religion jokes aren't funny to everyone.
Suicide jokes aren't funny to everyone.

Any category that are also often jokes about that I missed, I'm truly sorry and feel free to leave it in a comment to remind everyone else that something of that subject should not be joked about.

If you are aware that this is a problem yet you continue to make jokes about those subjects, you're part of the problem.

Then again, what do I know? I don't live your life, you might've been a victim of something traumatizing or part of a social group that's often jokes about, and maybe you joking about it is how you're comforted by it.

It's different for everyone, but you must remember that the people around you might've lived through something awful that you might not know about, and you telling jokes like that could be slowly killing them on the inside.

People go through different experiences in life whether they're good or bad.

Just because they haven't told you about it doesn't mean that it hasn't happened and it doesn't mean that they aren't still affected by it.


One More Girl, no longer online

Sometimes We Have To Slow Down

Man, it's March 1st already. It's insane to think that it's the first day of March, yet it's the first day of March.

When I turned on my phone for the day and saw the date, I think that's when it really sunk in as to what the date is. I knew March was coming up today, I knew it was going to be a new month, but I guess that it didn't really sink in until this morning.

That's what inspired me to write this post.

This year, for me at least, already feels as if it's flying by. We've already gone through two whole months of 2015. Normally, I feel as if days drag on, yet so far this year,  they're flying by.

Although the year is passing by quickly, I've constantly been feeling as if I'm drowning in choices, in a pit of despair for school, and in wonder. 

I mentioned before that thinking about the future is our way of escaping the present, yet I still can't manage to stop thinking about it.

Today was a little bit of a wake up call for me, seeing that the first two months seem to have flown by and I can't say that I've really done something that I'm extremely proud of yet. I feel as if I have wasted two months, constantly worrying about what could be.

This is a reminder for me, and anyone else who needs it, that we really do have to slow down at times.

If you're having a family dinner, enjoy it, don't worry about homework, it can wait. 

If you're talking to someone on the phone that you haven't seen or heard from in ages, don't feel bad for asking them so many questions.

If you and you're friends do something stupid, that's okay, you did it together.

As a teenager, I don't tend to do this, but I will start to slow down and enjoy the smaller things I have in my life because in the end, I know that those will count the most.

As an expression I hear a lot around in my school, "Slow down, speed racer."

Life isn't a race, so why do we all treat it like one?

One More Girl, no longer online

Don't Let Go of Love

Being on a sports' team, something you usually have to do is a fundraiser.

My team was selling raffle tickets over the weekend to win the prize of a one night stay at a hotel and a 100$ gift card to a fancy restaurant in the local area, and the draw for the prize will take place on February 13th, the day before Valentines Day.

During my shift yesterday, an elderly man came by to buy some tickets. He asked what the draw and everything was about, who he was supporting, what the prize was, and all of that typical stuff you expect to hear while trying to sell/raise money for something. At the end of it, I added "Draw date is February 13th, so it's right on time for Valentine's Day!"

He looked me in the eyes with a sad look upon his face and said "Well I lost the love of my life to ovarian cancer back in 1986 (I think that was the year he said, I can't remember that exactly). I did however find someone new, but it's not the same, you know? She's like a best friend to me, and I know that it's someone that she (referring to the love of his life that he lost) would've liked to known her."

I was speechless.

I have lost family members, yes, but to lose the love of your life, your soulmate, your other half, I couldn't imagine what that would be like. 

In Greek mythology, it's believed that humans used to have four arms, four legs, four eyes, two noses, basically double of everything. Zeus was afraid that someday, the humans would be capable of overthrowing the Gods, so he split them all in half, resulting in one half to search for the other. To find their soulmate.

After all of that looking, this man found his other half, was ready to spend the rest of his life with her, but cancer ripped that away from him.

This was just another eye opener for me.

When I lost my grandfather on September 1st 2014, that was hard for me. 

I didn't know how to feel, I didn't know what to do with myself, I didn't know when it was appropriate for me to cry, I didn't know what to do with all of the memories I have of him because I was afraid to lose them, and finally, I didn't know who to talk to about all of this.

"You can't close anyone out now...If anything this is the time to be close with your family. You need them and they need you. Having someone pass in your family shows you that you have to spend time with them and cherish it. You don't know how long the moment will last," is something that one of my friends told me when I confided in them how I felt, and I don't think that statement could be any truer. 

Those two events taught me something.

If you love someone, whether its a family member, a friend, a lover or a role model in your life, make sure you tell them how much you appreciate them or that you love them. You have to hold onto the love you have now, because you never know when it's going to be ripped away from you, or when you might feel those feelings again.

If you have a crush on someone or you have a strong feeling for them, don't play hard to get. Maybe someday, you will just be too hard to get that the person that's chasing after will let you go. 

If you have someone that loves you, I am begging you, grab onto that love with both hands and hold on. Hold on to it for as long as you can and don't ever let it go. Don't let it slip away, because hell, someday it might.

Love is such an amazing thing that we really do take for granted nowadays, but that elderly man with his story was a reminder to me to never let go of love, and I hope you take this post as a reminder.

If you're looking for a reason to tell someone you like them, call up your crush, tell your best friend how you truly feel about them...this is it. 

Don't take love for granted because now, it's a rare thing, so don't let go of the people you love.


One More Girl, no longer online

I'm Proud To Be A Girl

This is a topic that I was never all that sure if I wanted to wright about.

Although feminism is a big movement in this day and age, it's still a touchy subject for some and everyone seems to have a different definition of feminism.

When I googled the definition of feminism, the result I got was "The advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men." This isn't fighting for equality in general, this is a movement for WOMEN equality. This is not quite the same thing as having equality for everyone no matter what race, age, gender, religion, sexuality and whatever else you could think of, but this is a movement between two opposing sexes, man and woman.

We hear all about this when we get older, when we get to high school, it seems like a casual thing. I don't have much to say on the direct topic of feminism, but I do want to share some downgrading experiences I've has. I never realized how much it has affected my life from so early on.

We've all probably heard words like this, but I remember being back in elementary school, during recess, I'd often hear the words "You _____ like a girl!" Whether that would be kick or throw, those words were deemed as an insult.

Since when has my gender been an insult?

Back at that age, I didn't know that I could say something about it. If I threw a ball farther then some boy, I would be proud, but that didn't mean that they would stop using those words as an insult to some other boy, because "You're a girl...you're going to throw like one anyway" was always said to the girls.

Whenever a boy would pick up a pink or purple colored pencil or crayon, it would mean that they're girly.

What is wrong with those colors?  Sure, when a child is born, a boy will receive a blue blanket, and a girl a pink one, but that doesn't mean that boys are forbidding to use the color pink.

Earlier this evening, I was having supper with my sister and parents when I asked if they were going to be in the basement after supper because I wanted to play Halo. My sister said "You shouldn't even be playing Halo, you're a girl."

Since when has my gender determined what video games I should and shouldn't play?

For years, we have been treated of as a lesser value without even knowing it.

Younger boys would use our gender as an insult, it will make us seem weird if we play any type of video game, and so much more.

Why can't all humans be seen as equals in everyone's eyes?

Boys can do gymnastics, girls can play football.
Boys can do dance, girls can play video games.
Boys can figure skate, girls can wrestle.
Boys can like chick flicks, girls can like gruesome/action movies.
Boys can bake and cook, girls can watch sports on TV.

It's time to break the stereotypes.

I am a girl, and I'm proud to throw like a girl, I'm proud of playing video games, I'm proud of my thoughts and intelligence, I'm proud to watch sports on TV.

Nothing you will say will make me change my mind on being proud of my gender, and being proud of who I am.

To end this post, I want to leave you guys with Always #LikeAGirl video. This is an advert/commercial on TV, but the message behind it is so powerful and is what inspired me to write this.

One More Girl, no longer online