Don't Apologize For Who You Are

This is something a little new for me seeing as I'm writing this post from a hotel room and not at my desk in my room at home. It's something new and interesting, but I don't think it'll happen often.

Anyway, you all might be wondering as to why I'm writing my post from a hotel room, and the reason to that is because I'm currently away for my last softball tournament of the year, also known as the biggest softball tournament of the year.

From home to where I'm currently at, this has been the farthest distance we've ever gone for softball and it's quite the experience. It's not so much a culture shock, but for the traveling and the people we meet, it's all quite different.

However, there is a big culture shock to everyone else on my team.

We're currently in a city that mainly speaks French. I have no problem with this at all seeing as I'm bilingual with both French and English, but everyone is having a little bit of a difficult time at some points. 

It's not too difficult for them seeings as most people we deal with here are also bilingual, but sometimes the accent is too strong or the English of someone from here is too broken up.

I haven't had the chance to hear the experiences of the girls on my team because most of them have only arrived tonight, but I've been helping out the girl on my team that I've been traveling with.

I've been speaking French to the locals and I've been enjoying it. Their French is different from my French, so it's pretty amazing to listen to a different dialect of the same language. It doesn't make it more difficult to understand them, it's just a small but noticeable difference which is really neat.

Tonight I went out for a team supper with the majority of the girls on my team and it was alright. Service was a little slow, but that was expected with 14 people in one party.

I was the last one to order my drink and food, but when I did, I told the waitress my order in French.

She didn't mind at all and went to go bring our orders to the kitchen.

One girl on my team said "You don't have to order in French, they also speak English." I responded with "Yeah, I guess you're right," and shook it off.

She wasn't right, though. in fact, she was wrong.

Her telling me to speak English when I grew up bilingual to someone who grew up with French as their first language was wrong.

It was wrong, but I apologized for it.

I was apologizing for being myself.

I can speak French, I started to learn it at a young age and I'm proud of it. 

On my team, my dad helps out with the coaching at times and I will speak to him in French. On a few different occasions, I've heard some of the girls mumbling to each other that we should speak English.

I understand that it can be uncomfortable for people to be around other people speaking a language that they don't understand, but it's what the world is.

The world is made up of so many different traditions, cultures, languages, and so much more, but people are on most occasions too afraid to learn about them.

Yes, I'll speak French in an English environment and I'm proud of it. Just because you don't understand the deeper meaning it has to me and why I hold my French so close to me doesn't matter to me, but you should never put me down for it.

No one should ever put you down for what you hold close to you, whether its a passion, a language, a tradition, a culture and so on.

All of those little things make up who you are and apologizing for a single one of them is like apologizing for who you are.

No one should ever put you down for being who you are. If they don't understand something, you can always try to explain it, but if they don't want to bother with that, then that's there problem.

They can live the rest of their life not understand something that's part of who you are and that's their problem.

Be proud of every single little part of you because it's the only person you know you'll be with for the rest of your life. 

Stand tall, be proud and be you.


One More Girl, no longer online

A Team That Helps & Supports You

I was in at the pool today doing some subbing hours and my first few classes were good, but then I had this one class with two little boys at a beginning level.

The smallest one said that he could go into the big pool and his mom agreed to that, so I took them to the big pool.

One of the lifeguards must know these guys because he signalled me to watch the smaller one.

After doing 25 meters in the big pool, he told me that he was starting to get tired.

Knowing that this couldn't end well, we all started another lank to head back towards the small pool and we'd swim there.

This kid started to get really upset, started to tell he that he wasn't tired, almost started to cry and I told him that we could go back in later.

He couldn't touch at the bottom of the little pool and he was constantly putting his head under for as long as he could, so I'd say that it was a good five minute battle before I got him to sit on the wall and wait while I did a drill with the other little boy.

Well, I didn't get him to sit on the side of the pool.

The same lifeguard who warned me about this little guy came by and said to him "She's a really fun teacher, but you have to listen to her, she knows what she's doing," and he finally sat on the wall two minutes after that.

I was really thankful that he came over and said those words to him because it really did help to get him to listen to me and he helped me get things under control faster than I would've on my own.

By the time that the class ended, I struggled so much with this kid that we didn't have time to go to the big pool, and I told him that, and he just stop and dropped.

He started to cry and he just sunk to the bottom of the pool.

Being frustrated with him and knowing that I had to get to my next class, I just picked him up by the armpits and got him out of the pool.

His mom saw me struggle the whole time with him and saw me have to physically drag him out of the water, and she started with "Are you not listening to your teacher? You're in big trouble," but I just handed his mom his report card and walked away.

My next class was a lot more cheerful because it was a class where the parents are in the water with toddlers and babies.

It's quite a cute class, but I never taught it before. I ran out of activities to do and songs to sing about halfway through the class, so I asked one of my supervisors to help me out and he agreed.

I was so happy when he came in with a new song, a few games and some toys.

You can't really teach them anything because they're too young, it's mainly about them being in the water and playing games and that wasn't something I was used to, so I was really thankful when my supervisor for in the water with me.

Being already worked up from my previous class, being able to go up and ask my supervisor for help was great.

Like I mentioned, I was running out of ideas and I started to get myself worked up again over that, so having my supervisor willing to get in the water with me almost gave me a flood of relief.

In a workplace such as the pool, it's really fun but it can get tense and stressful at times, and I felt as though today was a tense and stressful day.

Getting the chance to work with a team that will look it for you and help you in anyway they can, wether it's get in the water and teach a class with you, be a second authority figure when a kid is acting up or to help you even get them in the water.

I'm really lucky to be working with that staff that I'm currently apart of, and if you're working and feel to stressed or tense, don't be afraid to ask someone else for help.

Even your supervisors will be will into help you whatever the job it.

People say that when you start working, it's almost a little team. I didn't understand that until now and I don't think that I could describe the aquatic staff at the facility I work at as anything but a team.

I find that they really support you when you need it and that's something you can use to help you when you're struggling.


One More Girl, no longer online

Details And Base Layer

They say that detail is key, and to an extent, it's true. However, I feel as though that in most cases, it's false.

I've never been great at remembering things; you can ask me what I had for breakfast yesterday and I would have to think about it or I wouldn't be able to answer you. I've often forgotten about projects and schoolwork and more. 

I guess you could say I have a little bit of a scattered brain.

Anyway, this weekend I had away at a softball tournament that was quite a drive.

The drive was worth it though because we went undefeated and went home with the gold.

My thoughts about the quote from above started to come into perspective for me when a girl on my team, on the second day of the tournament, was talking about an amazing play that happened on the first day and I couldn't even remember the play itself. Hell, I can't even remember all of the plays that happened today.

I'm not sure if that's happened to other people in their own case scenarios or if it was just me who happened to forget that, but it was a little bit of a shock.

Once I made that connection, I started to think of what I remembered from so long ago.

I was coming up empty handed; I could remember what titles we had won in what year (for the most part), but then again I have medals with those dates and titles on them back home. I can remember my milestones in softball, but for some of them I had to sit back and think about them.

I started to feel bad about it, then I realized that I shouldn't.

I'm not going to remember how many home runs I've hit, I'm not going to remember what teams we beat or lost to, and I'm not going to remember the amazing plays my teammates or I made.

I'm going to remember the people I grew up playing against, I'm going to remember my teammates, I'm going to remember the late night talks in someone's hotel rooms while the parents (mainly the dads) are drinking beer in another room and watching a baseball game on TV, I'm going to remember running into a teammate at a random gas station on the way to a tournament that's across the country, I'm going to remember joking around with my dad on the long drives and I'm going remember all the laughs and how much fun I've had with them.

The first thing you need in softball are teammates. The details would be the plays and the home runs that've been hit, but in reality, those aren't important at all once the game is over. 

Yesterday's home run won't win today's game.

Your teammates aren't the detail, yet they're the key. Teammates are the people you spend all your time with, that you grow up with and learn along side. They're your base layer and the people keep you grounded and ready for anything.

I went to Disney World when I was five years old and the only thing I can remember from it was always pretending to be asleep so that my dad would carry me back to the hotel room. I know that many kids do that, but I think the main reason I remember that is because I did it every night and it would always be my dad who carried me back.

My dad has always been the one to be involved with my softball. Some might think "Well, one parent has to be," but he goes the extra mile. He helps out with practices and will do score keeping for every single game.

No one is making him do it, he's purely doing it because he can and he wants to be involved with what I do.

I'm not going to remember the scores of games, but I'm going to remember the fact that it's always been my dad writing them down and I can't thank him enough for that. I appreciate everything he's done for my softball and I don't think I say it enough.

As much as this is my own reminder to thank my dad for everything he's done, this can also be your reminder that although it's okay to remember all the little things about something, don't ever forget the base layer to it because that's what's going to be the first thing you remember in a few years time.

One More Girl, no longer online.

Anxiety Attack And Amazing Teammates

Whenever I'm in a tight situation, I usually work myself up.

I can work myself up over the smallest details and make those small details seem like the biggest life changing events.

It's fair to say that I feel anxious a lot and sometimes, that feeling of anxiety gets to be too much.

Although panic attacks and anxiety attacks are quite similar, there are a few difference.

An anxiety attack is often the reaction of a stressor. It's like you're at the peak of a roller coaster ride, seeing the big drop ahead of you. With anxiety attacks, you may feel fearful or apprehensive. Your heart could start to race, you may feel short of breath, but anxiety attacks tend to be short lived. When the stressor, meaning if the event that is causing the stressor goes away or you yourself physically remove yourself from the situation, you can get the anxiety attack under control.

Panic attacks don't come in reaction with a stressor. They tend to be unprovoked and unpredictable. During one, the person could be seized with terror, fear or apprehensive. The person having the attack could feel as if they're going to die, lose control or have a heart attack. Symptoms of a panic attack are chest pains, shortness of breath, dizziness and nausea.

After explaining both of those, I can say that I've experienced both of them.

I was away at a softball tournament this weekend when I had an anxiety attack.

We were playing a game to go to the gold medal championship game and I was doing terrible.

The anxiety started at the start of the tournament. I didn't hit at all, so that made me start to panic a little bit. We were pretty tight on the score board, we were only ahead by three runs and I failed two of the most important plays I had the whole weekend.

I was playing first base and I missed the first ball for an easy out and I let one go by in the dirt. At one point, I had the ball and a girl was running to home, but I waited too long to throw the ball and she was safe. I was supposed to go to first base the next inning also, but my coach switched me out. I can't blame him, he just wanted the best for the team.

I, however, felt as if I let the whole team down.

I couldn't do anything right, how could they even say good job to the person who let the run in?

I sat on the bench and one girl noticed I was being hard on myself and looked upset, so she made sure I was okay.

At that point, I was still trying I choke everything down. She sat in the bench not too far from me, but I kept working myself up because I knew that I had to go bat and I didn't hit at all this tournament.

The girl who made sure I was okay looked over at me, and before I knew it, I snapped.

I felt a ball in my throat and my stomach. I felt as if I was going to be sick, I couldn't breath properly, my heart felt as if it was pounding in my chest.

The girl came over and just sat in front of me and told me to breath while patting my leg. There were two other girls sitting next to me, but they didn't say anything. They just also wanted to make sure I was okay.

The girl stayed with me until I was able to calm myself down and she was a big help. She told me that she knew what it was like, so whether the fact that she's experienced them herself or has a friend who has anxiety or panic attacks is unknown to me.

She had to go up to bat, so she asked the two other girls to watch over me in a nice way. They didn't ask why it happened, what caused it, they didn't asked anything about what just happened. They simply asked if I was okay it or if I needed anything.

Needless to say, I was slightly ashamed that my teammates saw that, I never wanted any of them to know that I experience anxiety attacks, but in the end they found out. They didn't care, they didn't mock me. They did what teammates do and they helped me and I couldn't be more grateful then that.

Once I got back on my feet, I walked to the other end of the dugout and one girl who must've saw what was happening also asked if I was alright. Once again, she didn't ask what happened, why it happened or what that was, but she only asked if I was doing alright.

I just want to say that just because that's my story, that doesn't mean that it's everyone else's.

If you know someone who's having an anxiety or panic attack, there's many ways to help, but it will all depend on the person.

• Some people won't mind if you touch them, but for others it might make the situation worse. Always ask them before you touch them in any way.

• Don't think about what you would like done in that situation, but focus on what the person having the attack needs.

• If they ask for some space, give it to them. It's absolutely nothing to be offended about. Some people deal with them on their own and have their own way of calming themselves down, but they might feel the need to be alone for it. If they ask you to leave, you can still keep an eye on them! Don't feel as if they don't want you around because that just not be what they need at the moment.

• Ask them before you bring someone else to the situation. I know myself that I hate attention on me, especially if it's when I have an attack, so if you want to bring someone else in to help them, always ask them. Say something like "Hey, is it okay if ______ comes over here?" If they can't talk, the person might nod or shake their head. If they don't give you a reply, it would probably be best to take it as a no.

The information I received for the differences between a panic and anxiety attack is from a health website, but the bullet points are from my own person experiences.

This was a little personal for me to write about, but I hope that at least one of you will be able to take something away from it.

To all those who have anxiety or experience panic attacks and don't want to leave a comment or feel as if you dot have anyone to talk to about this, you can always send me an email at onemoregirlonline@gmail.com and I'll be there for you.

In the end, my team went undefeated at the tournament and went home with the gold and I found out just how truly amazing my teammates are.


One More Girl, no longer online