Don't Deny A Friend

When a few friends and I were just discussing a possibility of plans of watch a movie after school during the school day on Monday, we didn't know that it would go this far.

On Monday, we were talking about the possibility of the plans, it was only among three friends and I.

When we touched on the topic on Tuesday in math class, another person in our social group jumped in and said he couldn't wait for it.

The social group I'm apart of is pretty spread out, it's almost like there's one in each class and this would be my math and band social group.

I didn't know what to think of another friend jumping in on the plans, so we left it until today.

While finalizing the plans today, the friend who sort of invited himself said he was really excited, and I didn't have a problem with it.

However, one of my friends in the original planning group approached me and told me that he's iffy about the guy that invited himself because sometimes he makes him feel uncomfortable.

To be honest, I can understand where he's coming from because this guy doesn't always know when it's okay to continue on a joke and when you have to stop it there.

In other words, he doesn't always know where to draw the line.

It can make people feel uncomfortable, but that's him and maybe he'll learn later in time where to draw the line, and it's alright if that will take him a bit more time.

At this rate, I was torn.

Do I invite the friend who seemed like he really wanted to come or do I accommodate to the friend who feels uncomfortable at times around this person.

Then I realized something.

Not even 6 months ago, I was the kid who wanted to be invited to social events but wasn't always invited by the people I called my friends.

I know the feeling of thinking your friends hate you, I know the feeling of thinking you're alone and I know that it's one of the worst things to hear plans be made in front of you and you're not a part of them.

I talked to my friend that was a part d the original plan and explained to him my point of view and he agreed and saw where I was coming from.

He said that he could manage for a night, so that's what we did.

We all went to my house after school, played a few video games while waiting for one friend from the original plan and another last minute joiner because they were both at work and then we watched a movie.

In the end, I learnt that in high school, your social group will be very diverse and you will have many friends in all of your different classes.

It's okay to want to make plans with just a few of them, however if you are to make them, do them in private.

It's one of the worst feelings to hear some of your class friends make plans and not include you, but it also hurts to hear "I guess you can come too."

If you want a small group, make plans in private and if another wants to join, there's no reason nor need (unless it's something like your parents put a strict limit on number of friends that can be at the house) to deny them of the chance to be with friends.

Sometimes the only thing someone needs is a friend. Don't deny them of that.


One More Girl, no longer online

Anxiety and Depression VS. Anxious and Depressed

When you tell people you have anxiety, they usually say that they have it too.

Everybody gets anxious. It's a general feeling that pretty much everyone will feel once or many times throughout their life.

When you tell people you have depression, they might say that they feel down at times, too.

Everybody gets depressed. It's a general feeling that pretty much everyone will feel once or many times throughout their life.

Those two terms should be able to be used freely by people who are feeling those ways without people with anxiety and depression jumping down their throats and saying that it's not okay for them to feel that way or without feeling offended.

Of course if you have anxiety and/or depression, you might feel as though things are worst for you, but other people can feel anxious and/or depressed, maybe just not the same way that we do.

I agree that there is a difference, but everyone should be able to express how they feel without someone saying that they "don't know what real depression is like."

However, no one should ever joke about having depression or wanting to commit suicide. I can't believe that it's 2015 -almost 2016- and people are still joking about this serious issue when anyone around them could be pushed over the edge at any moment.

It's sickening.

Everyone gets anxious before speaking in front of the class or before they have to write a test and everyone gets depressed when they lose a loved one or have some sort of traumatic event happen.

Feeling these emotions can cause disruptions in someone's life.

Recently it's been disrupting mine.

To be honest with you all, I don't know what's wrong. I've just been really anxious with school work, I was really anxious with swimming report cards and by the end of the day when I would usually write my blog posts, I just don't have the mental energy to write them.

If anyone read my blog every day when I posted on a regular schedule because they found it therapeutic or simply enjoyed it, I'm sorry for not being back on my schedule, however I'm not in a mental place right now to have a set schedule.

I promise that they will be relatively around the time I used to post my blog posts, every Sunday and Wednesday, but at the moment I'm focusing hard on my mental health and I hope that you can all understand.


One More Girl, no longer online

Good Memories Don't Leave You

Something that my old school does every year is that the graduating students put on a show.

For the past seven years, it was "Roi de l'École" meaning "King of the School".

Because it was the King of the school, it was only the boys who could enter as contestants although the girls were in the show, however they couldn't win a "prize".

This year was the first edition of the "Star of the School", so anyone who wanted to could enter.

There were only five contestants, but all of the graduates participated in it someway or another.

This was the first year I went to go see this event at the school, so it was a little weird seeing something I always thought I would participate in.

I met up with a few of my old friends when I got to the school and we watched the event together.

The event was really well done, it was amazing and it was great seeing all of my old friends.

However, I have to admit that being at my old school brought up a lot of good memories and it made me want to go back.

These are the kids that I've gone to school with since primary, we have pictures of each other from when we were 5-6 years old! I moved away from everyone that I knew since I was little and sometimes I still wonder "Well, what if I stayed?"

Honestly, I thought about going back for grade 12 and it was immensely tempting.

When I got home, I talked to my parents about it and the only way I could go back to my old French school and still stay in the IB program would be to switch back after Christmas break this school year.

I wouldn't be able to go back just for grade 12 because the schools don't offer the same IB program and to go from none intensive writing in French to a high level French exam, I would be a little rusty.

I can't lie, I spent my whole evening thinking about what I really wanted to do, all of my good memories are at that school, and then I realized something important.

Memories don't change.

I can have all of those good memories at the French school and make more at my English school.

Of course the friendships aren't as close as my past ones, but you're constantly meeting people your whole life and being with the same people for so long can cause you to be in a safe bubble you can no longer venture out of.

I don't need to be in the same school to remember the good memories from it, I just have to remember that those memories aren't going anywhere.

One More Girl, no longer online 

Balancing Out Stress From Work

I know that I've been less than faithful with my posting schedule, but everything is a little hectic at the moment.

School work is picking up, I'm starting to have more homework to do and more things to memorize; and on top of that I have my job and report cards to write.

Many people are confused when I say that I have report cards to write, but I do them for the swimming lesson classes I teach.

For the term I'm working, there's a total of 10 weeks, therefore 10 classes. By around the 7th or 8th week, we start to write report cards for the kids in the classes, hand them in to the looked over for week 9 and then hand them out on week 10.

I thought that it would be a breeze, but I was very wrong.

I have many classes with little kids and I can't say that many of them are passing.

They all have the same main problem which is they can't float.

While writing report cards, I can't wright the same thing in them because of they're friends within classes and parents compare report cards, that doesn't reflect too well on myself.

There's only oh so many ways you can word "Remember to squeeze your bum and to look up at the ceiling to help you float!"

Personalizing every single report cards wasn't the issue, it was the phrasing.

However I have managed to get almost all of them done, I believe that I have completed around 65 report cards and only have 10 more.

I didn't realize that I taught so many kids.

As you could imaging, 65 report cards with 10 more to go, schoolwork and general life events have made it difficult for me to write.

My Sunday evening was spent at the dining room table, report cards and worksheets all around me.

I love blogging, it's something that I want to do seriously when I'm older, but at the moment other things such as work and school will have to come first.

Admittedly, I've been feeling stressed because of the report cards.

I honestly wondered if teaching and writing a total of 75 report cards was worth it when I could make sandwiches or pour coffee into a cup for the same amount of money.

Then I realized that it was.

It's such a great feeling when a kid gets something right after weeks of working on it and you can pass them to the next level.

Writing so many report cards is worst is because you get to know these kids over the span of 10 weeks and you get to know their personalities and some of them you grow to like.

One father asked if I would have his daughter next term and I honestly hope so because even though she didn't cover all of the skills, she was always smiling and having fun and that's what makes my job great.

There's always going to be a stressful factor whether it's report cards, the environment you work in, the location, the people, the coworkers; but if there's something to balance out that stress, then you know it's worth it.

One More Girl, no longer online

Motivation Wednesday

I've known for awhile now that my grandmother is coming into town and staying with us over the weekend.

Because of this visit, I made a schedule to clean my room.

Monday started with doing my laundry.

Tuesday continued with putting things away/straightening things out.

Wednesday ended with vacuuming, cleaning my desk and doing whatever else had to be done.

Because of my amazing procrastination skills, all of that was left for today.

My room wasn't awful to begin with, honestly it did need a clean though, but had I not have had the motivation of know that my grandmother is coming, I probably wouldn't have had bothered to clean my room.

My motivation wasn't the most practical reason to clean my room, I wasn't doing it for myself but for my grandmother, but it was motivation nonetheless.

Sometimes it's hard to find motivation for events, but it's always possible.

Can't find any motivation to do homework?

Think about the chance of getting all of the homework right.

Think about the chance of feeling confident when the test comes around.

Think about the chance of doing amazingly well on the test.

Think about the chance of that test bringing up your average.

Think about the chance of getting into your college/university of choice because you brought your average up.

It'a not always easy to find the motivation in the moment, but think about the motivation for the long run.

Dig deep and find a reason; find your motivation.

One More Girl, no longer online

Stopping Hate

Since Friday night I've kept up to date on the news whether that was reading articles, watching the news or listening to the radio, I can't stop hearing about what happened in Paris.

My first reaction was sadness. 

Who would do something like that? Why would someone want to do that? Why hurt so many innocent people?

But the more I thought about all of these questions, the more I realized something.

I wasn't in shock at the news.

I didn't stare at my TV screen with my mouth wide open and my eyes bulging out of my head. I just watched in silence, my heart aching for the people in Paris.

I was stunned once I realized that I wasn't shocked at all.

After the stun feeling wore off, I was disgusted.

Within a year, so many acts of terror have happened around the world.

Enough of them have happened for me to no longer feel shock! 

But then I went on Instagram.

Apparently there were also horrid events happening (or about to happen) in Mexico, Lebanon, Japan, Syria, Bagdad and Beirut. 

I didn't hear any of those stories on the radio or news and that was really upsetting. Honestly I'm still not 100% sure what happened in all of those places, just the main concepts of what was happening, but I'm going to find out all of the details as soon as I can.

For the time being, I only really know what happened within Paris.

Admittedly, I don't have the most up to date news on the terror in Paris (only from the 5 o'clock news this evening) and I don't want to jump the gun and start saying that it was a specific crime (hate, random, terrorist, psychotic, etc).

However, it hasn't stop and neither has any other from of hate in the world.

Terrorism is still happening.

Racism is still happening.

Sexism is still happening.

Homophobia is still happening.

War is still happening.

Hate is still happening.

The world isn't perfect; there's still so much hate in the world and it's sickening.

As human beings, he should be doing all that we can to end all of this hate.

The world is slowly moving towards that. Of course things have drastically improved within the last century, but we still have a journey ahead of us.

And something to remember; if you blame a group of people with a specific religion, with a specific race or a specific religion for acts of hate happening on earth, you are doing nothing to help stop hate in the world.

You're part of the problem.

My heart goes out to the citizens of Paris; I truly hope that you and your loved ones are safe.

One More Girl, no longer online

My Secret: Revealed

I owe you all an explanation.

I love you all more than anything and I think it's time to tell my story. 

It's time to tell you all why I started this blog and why I'm not always posting on Wednesdays like I promised that I would.

Although it's difficult for me to write this today this has been something that I've been wanting to write about for a really long time.

Since October last year, I've felt as though I'm two different people.

The first person being the one that everyone sees, the happy me usually laughing, smiling or telling a joke.

The other being my secret self that only I ever get to experience.

It's hard for me to write this; I've been staring at my computer screen for about three minutes even though I know perfectly well what I want to write.

Right, here it goes.

The day after my 15th birthday back in March, I was diagnosed with depression.

With where the world is at today, it might not be an uncommon thing to hear an you might know a few people with depression, but it's very hard for me to open up about this because this is a factor of my life that I've kept extremely private since being diagnosed.

There are many different types of depression, but when I went to go see my doctor I was not diagnosed with a specific one.

I knew that something wasn't right long before going to the doctor's, but it was only confirmed there.

Admittedly, I was ashamed.

I was upset with myself because I remembered all the movies from when I was little and the depressed person was always an outcast and always viewed in a negative way, so I kept quiet about it all. I didn't want to be viewed the same way those characters on TV were.

I don't want to say that I suffered because I know that other people in the world have worse situations than I do, but I don't know how else to describe it.

I went through my days with a smile that couldn't reach my eyes, I had a lack of motivation for school work and whenever I didn't want to go to a softball practice, it would always because I was "feeling sick". I was too ashamed to even admit my depression to my parents even though they knew.

The later part of the year has been better for me so far, but even then things can get difficult.

Teaching swimming lessons can be extremely difficult. I have to be happy and smiling for three hours, it's part of my job. Somedays I'll wake up and immediately know how difficult its going to be, but I just push through it.

Having depression can be like a constant roller coaster. You're enjoying the climb up, but the next second you can feel your stomach drop and you have the urge to scream.

I have good days where I'm barely affected by my depression, but I have harder days where getting out of bed is a challenge.

Yes, I can be tired on Wednesdays, but I can also have a lack of motivation and a lack of energy where I can't write a post.

Writing this tonight was very difficult and emotionally draining for me. I stopped a few times and had a few cries, but that's the truth behind this post. 

I want to share this with you all today because I understand.

I understand what it's like to feel like your life is not going anywhere.
I understand what it's like to have no motivation.
I understand what it's like to cry over a simply school project.
I understand what it's like to have depression.

Kevin Breel once said "When you tell people you break your arm, they come running forward to sign the cast. When you tell them you have depression, they turn around and run the other way."

And I felt as though I couldn't agree more.

I want to change that.

Just because I have depression doesn't mean I'm less of a person. 

Having depression doesn't mean that I'm not just as valuable as someone without depression.

It's time to stop tiptoeing around depression. It is a subject we need to address.

It's time to make a point of it and let people know that they aren't alone.

My secret is out and you can always email me at onemoregirlonlineadvice@gmail.com if you every want to get something off your chest in a non-judgement zone.

It's time to start talking about mental health because wherever in the world that you are; you are not alone.

My secret is out and honestly, it feels great. It's something that's been a secret of mine for ages, so I'm relieved to be able to get that off my chest.


One More Girl, no longer online