A Long Awaited Homecoming

My older cousin is coming home tomorrow and before I was super excited, but now I'm terrified.

I'm really close with my older cousin despite the fact that I don't see her very often. Before, she lived on the other side of the country from me, but we still got to see each other every summer or so.

The last time I saw her was right before her big move to the United States to be with her boyfriend, now husband. Last time I saw her was in April 2014.

I can't say that I completely hate distance because in reality, I have a love/hate relationship. I hate the fact that it's separating me from someone I love, but I do love it because it's the biggest reminder to spend time with someone that I love and don't see often and to cherish the time spent together.

However, the last time I saw her was a little more than a year ago. Is that possibly too long?

Within the past year, I've changed a lot.

I started this blog which I haven't really told anyone in real life about, I got a job, I've started to have random anxiety attacks which can largely vary, I got a bad concussion, I've grown up more not just physically but also mentally, I've lost a family member, I met new people, I gained new friends and so much more.

It struck me this afternoon that I'll be seeing my very loved cousin tomorrow night and meeting her husband for the very first time and that's when my brain went into overdrive.

I started to think these ridiculous thoughts such as "What if I've changed so much that she doesn't like me anymore?" "What if she doesn't want to spend time with me when she's here?" "There's not all that much that I can do that the rest of the family can't, is there?" "I'm not worth her time, am I?" "What if her husband convinces her that I'm awful?" "What if he laughs at me for something that I have no control over and she joins in, and then the rest of the family?"

I almost reduced myself to tears this afternoon in fear that my thoughts could be true. 

I didn't know what to do, so I pushed those thoughts to the side for awhile. It didn't work forever though, because later on they came creeping back up into my mind.

I still didn't know what to do, so I tried to take a logical approach to it.

If I've changed to the point of her not liking me anymore, then that's that. I know that I've changed. Is it for better or for worse? I couldn't tell you, but I can say that I am who I am today. Experiences of the past year have shaped me into who I am today and if my cousin doesn't appreciate that at first, she'll probably get used to it.

I can't be the only one who's changed.

The matter with her husband though, I wasn't too sure what to think at the beginning, but then I realized that he honestly has it worse.

I'm only meeting one person while he's meeting her whole family on a Canada Day barbecue. (Seeing a Canada is Wednesday and I try to post every Sunday and Wednesday, I'll probably have a post explaining how that all went for you guys.)

I'm going to make sure to keep an open mind. Although I'm nervous about the whole situation, he's probably thinking the same thing.

If people can't accept the fact that you've changed, that's not your fault. You are who you are, life experiences have gotten you to where you are today, if you think that you've changed for the better, then good. 

The only person who's able to say that they're shocked with who you are today is you. Even then, that's not necessarily a bad thing.


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Communication Is Key

Normally I don't tend to write stories like this on my blog, but I find that it's too funny not to share.

Today was my last day of school, so in order to celebrate, I had two friends coming over for the evening/night. One came to my house on the school bus with me and the other came later on

My friend that came on the bus and I had the house to ourselves for a bit because my parents were both at work still and my sister was out getting ready for a prom that she was going to with someone from her school.

My friend and I were just in my kitchen, getting an afternoon snack, when a huge car pulled into the driveway.

At first I thought that it could be my other friend because I never really saw his car before, but then I realized that it couldn't be because he didn't text me and ask me for my address yet.

I was not expecting three guys in tuxedos to come out of the car.

Two of them stood by the car while one came up to ring the doorbell.

He was a little shocked to see that the little sister had opened the door, so I politely asked him if he was looking for my sister.

He said that he was and that left me with something very difficult to do.

I had to tell him that my sister wasn't home.

This poor guy, his smile just dropped and I felt so bad for him. 

He asked if I knew where she was, but I don't know the names of her friends all that well, so I said "I think she's at Rachel's...?" Only to have him tell me that he doesn't know a Rachel.

One of his friends then shouted up to him that maybe she was at one of the girls houses getting ready and then named a name that I recognized, so I said that that's where she was. He said thanks and that he'd call her and then left with his friends to go hunt down my sister.

It's not a big, crazy story, but it was the funniest thing to have happened this week.

I think that this blog post is a reminder to stay in contact and to communicate with everyone, whether it's your parents, friends or prom date, communication is key.


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Fear And Regret

Admittedly, I didn't write a post yesterday like I usually do. I don't have any reason as to why other than the fact that I didn't really know what to write about.

There hasn't been anything extraordinarily different in my life to write about, and I was at a lack of inspiration for a post.

I went to bed slightly frustrated with myself that I couldn't think of something to write about, but I realized that you can't set a fixed time for inspiration for something. If you do, it probably won't turn out the way you want it to, so it's okay to wait for that inspiration to hit. 

My inspiration for this post hit me today when I was texting a friend and he was telling me that he was nervous and scared to go to a camp that goes for a few weeks and that's a 15 hour drive away/2 hour flight away from home.

I could understand why he would be scared and nervous; he's going alone, there's no one that he already knows going with him. If I were in his shoes, I would be terrified to do it. He's quite courageous to be doing it, honestly.

Having been in that situation myself with a different scenario, I told him what I thought.

I told him that being nervous and scared to go is normal, who wouldn't feel that way? I said that he would certainly make friends. He was still a little hesitant, saying that he supposed that that was true.

Finally, I told him something that helped me figure things out for myself.

I told him that he'd regret if it he didn't go.

Yes, he would be home with the people that he knows, he would be with friends, but he would always wonder what would happen if he didn't go.

While texting I said "You might be scared now, yes, but will you regret not going because fear is holding you back? Probably," and he agreed.

He said that he would regret it and told me that that's a good way of thinking about things.

I gave the advice that I was too scared to follow myself, so I changed that.

As some of you may know, I've had a choice to make: to stay at my current school which is French or change to the local English High School.

Although the English school seemed like the better choice, I was terrified to make the official decision, terrified to regret it. After thinking about it, I realize that I will most likely regret the choice I never took. 

I don't want to live my life that way.

I don't want to regret anything, I want to try everything. Not everything is my cup of tea, I realize that, but how can I find that perfect brew if I never try it? Sure I might have some unpleasant tea at times, but that's how you find the perfect brew.

I decided to follow my own advice and I'm going to the local English high school.

Fear is associated with regret, the go hand in hand, you'll feel one or the other at times.

Just because you fear something though, doesn't mean you regret it.

Don't hold back on something because you're scared of regret. If you don't try it, you'll regret that too. Might as well try something and know that you regretted it.

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Things We Need To Tell Ourselves More Often

As humans, we need feedback to learn. No matter what the case is; whether it's in sports performances or work performances, we need someone to give us constructive criticism to improve in whatever field we're performing in.

Usually, you won't hear negative feedback. People tend to only give you criticism on a specific field when they want to help you improve. They care about you and they want to make sure that you reach your full potential. When they give you constructive criticism, it's a good thing. They'll highlight something that you are doing well and remind you to do something specific to help you reach your full potential. They tell you how to improve something to build you up, not tear you down.

Constructive criticism is a great thing, yet it's not always constructive/positive. 

We usually go to get constructive criticism from someone who is in a higher rank than ourselves, so for an example as a sports player, I'll look for feedback from my coach. As a new employee, I'll look for feedback from someone who's been working there longer than I have or even my manager.

Although getting feedback from someone else, I find that no one is harder on ourselves then us ourselves.

People tend to be hard on themselves for different reasons. 

Some might do it because they didn't feel loved/praised enough. If their parents would brush off ever accomplishment that they did, they would work hard and criticism themselves to make everything perfect just to hear the praise that they deserve. 

They might feel as though they haven't accomplished anything great in their life and will work and criticism themselves until they feel as though they've done something great.

They could be hard on themselves because they feel useless or have been wrongfully led to think so. They don't feel happy with anything that they've done so they criticism themselves harshly until they feel successful enough.

After thinking about that for a little bit today I realize that they're so many things that people should hear every once in awhile, or even everyday, that they don't often hear. 

Here are a few things we need to tell ourselves more:

1) Things don't change overnight.
Whether you're trying to change the way you do something sports related (for say, changing your technique on mechanics) or change the way you look to be happier with your body, that change will come. Changing things takes time and that's often something we forget. It's okay to get frustrated every once and awhile, but we must remember that things change a different rates, so do not feel bad if you can't accomplish something for a set date. If you happen to miss your goal by a set date, that's okay! You're human! Set a new date and work towards that goal instead of getting yourself down and beating yourself up.

2) Everyone makes mistakes, I'm not the only one.
Some people feel as though that as soon as they make a mistake, they're suddenly pathetic. 
That's not the case.
As much as you probably don't believe it or as much as you doubt it, everyone makes mistakes. Our friends, parents, teachers, role models, strangers that you see on the streets, everyone. Everyone makes mistakes. It's possible to make a mistake on a basic math question, but hey! That happens! Mistakes happen and you learn from them. They aren't the end of the world; if anything, they make us more determined to do better. They shouldn't eat at you until you tear yourself apart.

3) I can't control this, so I'll work with it.
If there's somewhere you need to be at a set time, yet you're stuck in traffic, there's no point in worrying and stressing over it. Traffic is something out of your control, it's not your fault, so don't make yourself believe that it is. I know people (including myself) who will stress over things out of their control. In situations where you don't have control, work with what's given to you. If you're getting sick and can't risk missing school, go see your teachers and see what you can bring home to stay up to date or go to the store to get things that will make you feel better. You can't avoid getting sick, so do something that will help you during that time.

Those are my three tips for today, maybe I'll make another post like this later on and remind you of three more things that we have to tell ourselves more often.

Something that I want to add in and tell you in case you haven't heard it recently is that I'm proud of you.

Everyone here has gotten to this time of their life in different ways and have had their own challenges. No matter how big or small they are, challenges are challenges and congratulations for surpassing them. I know that sometimes it's hard to do and I'm proud of you for getting here.


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Different Style

I was scrolling through twitter, under the blogger tag and I noticed something that pretty much all the bloggers have in common.

They're either blogging about fashion/beauty, a blog about their kids (is it called a mommy blog?), food, lifestyle, crafts, there are so many blogs out there about so many different things, but I find that they all follow the same main idea.

There’s no one, that I have seen, that has the same type of blog idea that I have on Blogger.

I'm not even sure what category to place my blog under. I guess you could say advice...? Possibly lifes, but I strongly doubt that's what I would qualify under.
Is advice a blog category? I have no idea.

I guess it’s pretty cool being the first on Blogger (that I've seen myself), but when I started this blog, I didn't expect much of it; never would I have thought it to be motivating much less get me nominated for awards by a lovely reader of mine.

I thought my blog was going to be my little corner of the internet. I didn't think that I would have nearly as many readers as I do today, I didn't think that I could inspire people, I thought it was going to be my place to let my thoughts out with a few people who feel the same way sometimes, but I'm glad that it didn't turn into that.

I do still have what would be considered a small amount of readers, but I'm thankful for every single one and I'm honored if I have helped you or inspired you or possibly just gave you a needed distraction for a few minutes.

I have told stories on here that I've never and will never repeat in real life, but on here, there’s no reason for me NOT to share these stories, and who knows? I might make someone’s day better. I might make someone feel a little less alone during a tough situation for them.

Sure, the majority of blogs are owned by people writing about what they like, and that’s perfectly fine! I just wanted to think outside the box a little bit.

So like I mentioned earlier: I don't know if my blog fits into any normal blog categories, I really don't. I'm not even sure how some of you have stumbled across my blog, but either way, I want to thank you all for taking time to read it.

I was terrified when I first started this blog seeing as how I discus problems in my life that I wouldn't dare to say out loud, but now I'm really glad I did. Not only has it helped me, but possibly someone else.

We aren't alone in this world, we don't have to do everything by ourselves. Being able to write this blog makes me feel supported in a sense because I feel as though somebody, no matter where they are in the world, understands how I feel.

If you ever find yourself needing help and don't want to turn to someone you know, feel free to email me at onemoregirlonlineadvice@gmail.com. I promise that everything remains anonymous. As some of you might tell from my blog, I'm alright with anonymity.

In the end, no, I don't think that I'm like other blogs. I have a different mindset from the majority that I've seen, but that's okay. I find that there's something so genuine and so great about it.

There's nothing wrong with being a little different.


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Health Matters

If I'm going to be honest with you guys, I might as well admit this.

For probably the last year, I haven't had my priorities set straight at all.

When I say that, I mean that not even my own needs were at the top of my priorities.

I'm the type of person who will feel as though it's their fault if one of their friends aren't prepared for a school test or project and still offer to help them study or finish the project even if they know fully well that they should be study or spending time working on their project.

I have often put other people before myself.

Although I gave that example, the one that is currently present in my life at the moment is still involving school and myself.

For the past year, I have been putting school in front of my own health.

I have thrown away my sleep schedule for my school work and in the result of that, I've made myself sick. Of course, when I was sick, I would miss a day or two of school putting my behind in class work, staying up late to get all my work done and it's just a vicious circle.

I caught a cold on Monday, so I stayed home today. My best friend texted me to tell me that we have a project due in science class and to remind me of a math test and English essay coming up.

Even though I'm at home, sick, I couldn't think much of anything else except for the school work I have soon. I couldn't even focus on my own recovery.

Even though it's the end of the school year, classes have yet to slow down.

The worst for me is that I'm a perfectionist. If my work isn't as perfect as I believe it can be, I will stay up all night to get it perfect and then go to school as if I had eight hours of sleep.

I have let the idea of school and every single grade completely ruling my future that I'm slowly letting it ruin my health.

If it weren't for my parents, I probably wouldn't have any energy at this point of the year.

In the past, I have had teachers be angry at me for not having the homework to hand in, yet once I reminded them that I was sick the previous day, it was suddenly alright.

What if I have a panic or anxiety attack that evening and can't get my work done? The teachers would still be angry because I can't come straight out and tell them why I couldn't get it done, so the answer has to be "I just couldn't get it done," and if they ask why, then that's an automatic "I forgot about it."

It's not fair that it's been drilled into students' minds, or at least mine, that school work and homework are so important that our own health should be forgotten.

I shouldn't have my mindset on an English essay or math homework when I still get dizzy after standing up.

It will be hard to change things now, but by next year, hopefully I'll always be able to remember that no work is more important than my own health.

I'm going to have my priorities straight for next year.


One More Girl, no longer online

Details And Base Layer

They say that detail is key, and to an extent, it's true. However, I feel as though that in most cases, it's false.

I've never been great at remembering things; you can ask me what I had for breakfast yesterday and I would have to think about it or I wouldn't be able to answer you. I've often forgotten about projects and schoolwork and more. 

I guess you could say I have a little bit of a scattered brain.

Anyway, this weekend I had away at a softball tournament that was quite a drive.

The drive was worth it though because we went undefeated and went home with the gold.

My thoughts about the quote from above started to come into perspective for me when a girl on my team, on the second day of the tournament, was talking about an amazing play that happened on the first day and I couldn't even remember the play itself. Hell, I can't even remember all of the plays that happened today.

I'm not sure if that's happened to other people in their own case scenarios or if it was just me who happened to forget that, but it was a little bit of a shock.

Once I made that connection, I started to think of what I remembered from so long ago.

I was coming up empty handed; I could remember what titles we had won in what year (for the most part), but then again I have medals with those dates and titles on them back home. I can remember my milestones in softball, but for some of them I had to sit back and think about them.

I started to feel bad about it, then I realized that I shouldn't.

I'm not going to remember how many home runs I've hit, I'm not going to remember what teams we beat or lost to, and I'm not going to remember the amazing plays my teammates or I made.

I'm going to remember the people I grew up playing against, I'm going to remember my teammates, I'm going to remember the late night talks in someone's hotel rooms while the parents (mainly the dads) are drinking beer in another room and watching a baseball game on TV, I'm going to remember running into a teammate at a random gas station on the way to a tournament that's across the country, I'm going to remember joking around with my dad on the long drives and I'm going remember all the laughs and how much fun I've had with them.

The first thing you need in softball are teammates. The details would be the plays and the home runs that've been hit, but in reality, those aren't important at all once the game is over. 

Yesterday's home run won't win today's game.

Your teammates aren't the detail, yet they're the key. Teammates are the people you spend all your time with, that you grow up with and learn along side. They're your base layer and the people keep you grounded and ready for anything.

I went to Disney World when I was five years old and the only thing I can remember from it was always pretending to be asleep so that my dad would carry me back to the hotel room. I know that many kids do that, but I think the main reason I remember that is because I did it every night and it would always be my dad who carried me back.

My dad has always been the one to be involved with my softball. Some might think "Well, one parent has to be," but he goes the extra mile. He helps out with practices and will do score keeping for every single game.

No one is making him do it, he's purely doing it because he can and he wants to be involved with what I do.

I'm not going to remember the scores of games, but I'm going to remember the fact that it's always been my dad writing them down and I can't thank him enough for that. I appreciate everything he's done for my softball and I don't think I say it enough.

As much as this is my own reminder to thank my dad for everything he's done, this can also be your reminder that although it's okay to remember all the little things about something, don't ever forget the base layer to it because that's what's going to be the first thing you remember in a few years time.

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Life's Adventure Pace

Something I haven't written about on my blog before is that I have received a few certifications. 

So far, I have up to my bronze cross certification (think of it as I'm 2/3 of the way to being a lifeguard) and my AWSI (Assistant Water Safety Instructor) certification (I'm halfway to being a swim teacher).

To be a Water Safety Instructor, in other words: an official swimming teacher, I have to complete my WSI course.

I will actually complete that course Monday, then I'm certified to teach swimming lessons.

Both courses last seven weeks each, so I've been doing a course every single Monday from 5pm-9pm every Monday for the past thirteen weeks, and Monday will be my fourteenth/final week. 

Throughout the time of the course, I've been feeling as though my parents are more excited for this than I am.

Both my parents and older sister have followed in the same footsteps: do all 10 swim levels, swim for a team, teach swimming lessons, become a pool lifeguard and then a beach lifeguard.

I've done up to swimming for a team, but I'll soon start to teach lessons like it's expected of me.

To be honest with you all, I'm terrified for it.

Being on my own with up to eight young kids in a potentially very dangerous environment for them, that terrifies me. If something goes wrong one day, it's on me and I'll blame myself for it every single day.

I don't know what to think of it. They make you do practice teaching, but even then, you're not on your own. The original teacher is still with the class and can help out at any time.

The reason as to why I'm mentioning all of this is because this evening, I went to babysit this little girl. She falls right into the category as to what ages I'll most likely teach.

I know that everyone is different and that I knew this girl prior to going to babysit, but I started to get comfortable with the idea of teaching her.

I thought "Hey, I could do it. She's a really nice kid, good listener and will try new things! I could so teach her!"

Then I remembered that not all kids are like her and will be as sweet as her, nor the same age.

I then started to remember my initial feelings about the whole situation and thought about how they haven't really changed at all.

I'm still working up the courage to tell my parents that I don't want to teach swimming lessons, not yet anyway.

Something that I have trouble remembering, and I know that many others also do, is just because you're expected to do something, that doesn't mean that you have to do it.

Life is a journey to the grave.Yes, it should be adventurous in your own way, but you should also be adventurous at your own pace. Not your parents or your siblings pace, but your own pace.

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