Anxiety and Depression VS. Anxious and Depressed

When you tell people you have anxiety, they usually say that they have it too.

Everybody gets anxious. It's a general feeling that pretty much everyone will feel once or many times throughout their life.

When you tell people you have depression, they might say that they feel down at times, too.

Everybody gets depressed. It's a general feeling that pretty much everyone will feel once or many times throughout their life.

Those two terms should be able to be used freely by people who are feeling those ways without people with anxiety and depression jumping down their throats and saying that it's not okay for them to feel that way or without feeling offended.

Of course if you have anxiety and/or depression, you might feel as though things are worst for you, but other people can feel anxious and/or depressed, maybe just not the same way that we do.

I agree that there is a difference, but everyone should be able to express how they feel without someone saying that they "don't know what real depression is like."

However, no one should ever joke about having depression or wanting to commit suicide. I can't believe that it's 2015 -almost 2016- and people are still joking about this serious issue when anyone around them could be pushed over the edge at any moment.

It's sickening.

Everyone gets anxious before speaking in front of the class or before they have to write a test and everyone gets depressed when they lose a loved one or have some sort of traumatic event happen.

Feeling these emotions can cause disruptions in someone's life.

Recently it's been disrupting mine.

To be honest with you all, I don't know what's wrong. I've just been really anxious with school work, I was really anxious with swimming report cards and by the end of the day when I would usually write my blog posts, I just don't have the mental energy to write them.

If anyone read my blog every day when I posted on a regular schedule because they found it therapeutic or simply enjoyed it, I'm sorry for not being back on my schedule, however I'm not in a mental place right now to have a set schedule.

I promise that they will be relatively around the time I used to post my blog posts, every Sunday and Wednesday, but at the moment I'm focusing hard on my mental health and I hope that you can all understand.


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My Secret: Revealed

I owe you all an explanation.

I love you all more than anything and I think it's time to tell my story. 

It's time to tell you all why I started this blog and why I'm not always posting on Wednesdays like I promised that I would.

Although it's difficult for me to write this today this has been something that I've been wanting to write about for a really long time.

Since October last year, I've felt as though I'm two different people.

The first person being the one that everyone sees, the happy me usually laughing, smiling or telling a joke.

The other being my secret self that only I ever get to experience.

It's hard for me to write this; I've been staring at my computer screen for about three minutes even though I know perfectly well what I want to write.

Right, here it goes.

The day after my 15th birthday back in March, I was diagnosed with depression.

With where the world is at today, it might not be an uncommon thing to hear an you might know a few people with depression, but it's very hard for me to open up about this because this is a factor of my life that I've kept extremely private since being diagnosed.

There are many different types of depression, but when I went to go see my doctor I was not diagnosed with a specific one.

I knew that something wasn't right long before going to the doctor's, but it was only confirmed there.

Admittedly, I was ashamed.

I was upset with myself because I remembered all the movies from when I was little and the depressed person was always an outcast and always viewed in a negative way, so I kept quiet about it all. I didn't want to be viewed the same way those characters on TV were.

I don't want to say that I suffered because I know that other people in the world have worse situations than I do, but I don't know how else to describe it.

I went through my days with a smile that couldn't reach my eyes, I had a lack of motivation for school work and whenever I didn't want to go to a softball practice, it would always because I was "feeling sick". I was too ashamed to even admit my depression to my parents even though they knew.

The later part of the year has been better for me so far, but even then things can get difficult.

Teaching swimming lessons can be extremely difficult. I have to be happy and smiling for three hours, it's part of my job. Somedays I'll wake up and immediately know how difficult its going to be, but I just push through it.

Having depression can be like a constant roller coaster. You're enjoying the climb up, but the next second you can feel your stomach drop and you have the urge to scream.

I have good days where I'm barely affected by my depression, but I have harder days where getting out of bed is a challenge.

Yes, I can be tired on Wednesdays, but I can also have a lack of motivation and a lack of energy where I can't write a post.

Writing this tonight was very difficult and emotionally draining for me. I stopped a few times and had a few cries, but that's the truth behind this post. 

I want to share this with you all today because I understand.

I understand what it's like to feel like your life is not going anywhere.
I understand what it's like to have no motivation.
I understand what it's like to cry over a simply school project.
I understand what it's like to have depression.

Kevin Breel once said "When you tell people you break your arm, they come running forward to sign the cast. When you tell them you have depression, they turn around and run the other way."

And I felt as though I couldn't agree more.

I want to change that.

Just because I have depression doesn't mean I'm less of a person. 

Having depression doesn't mean that I'm not just as valuable as someone without depression.

It's time to stop tiptoeing around depression. It is a subject we need to address.

It's time to make a point of it and let people know that they aren't alone.

My secret is out and you can always email me at onemoregirlonlineadvice@gmail.com if you every want to get something off your chest in a non-judgement zone.

It's time to start talking about mental health because wherever in the world that you are; you are not alone.

My secret is out and honestly, it feels great. It's something that's been a secret of mine for ages, so I'm relieved to be able to get that off my chest.


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Play Smart

I know it's Thursday, but I promise that I have a good excuse as to why I didn't post yesterday like I normally do.

I sprained my ankle pretty badly.

Let me go back to Monday night; I was playing a softball game and I was running to home plate from third and I had to slide, but the catcher blocked the plate so I slid right into her leg gear.

I'm not quite sure as to what exactly happened because it all happened so fast, but I think that I slid with my foot extended, so when I hit her leg, my ankle rolled over itself.

I never actually touched the plate though, so I flipped over to be on all fours and I touched the plate with my hand, but after that I took a minute of the field.

I couldn't get up because it hurt too bad, so I waiting a few minutes, took a few deep breathes and got up with the help of my coach and dad, then I hobbled off the field.

I iced it at the field, elevated it and all, but my mom ended up taking me to the Emergency Room not too long after.

I spent the majority of my evening in the Emergency Room, got X-rays, was told that it wasn't broken and that I can leave.

When I got home, I started icing it and doing everything I could to start the healing process.

I couldn't sleep well at all because I was in pain, so every night I wouldn't sleep much at all, only a few hours, therefore I spent most of Tuesday and Wednesday napping during the days.

I was exhausted by Wednesday, so I didn't have the energy to write and I was asleep for most of the day.

That's why I couldn't post on Wednesday, so my apologies that this is late.

With that story of how I got this injury, I want to go off a little bit more from my posts Injuries and Recoveries, and Being Conscious of Injuries.

In those posts, I wrote about how you shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed for whatever you need to recover from an injury or illness and you shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed of it because you know it's helping you heal; and also how you should know your limits and be concious of your pain level and movement.

I'm not ashamed or embarrassed to have physio tape on, an ankle brace and crutches, but I am worried.

I'm worried because I'm supposed to be going to the biggest softball tournament of the year in a week and a half from today.

I'm worried that I won't heal in time and that I either make it worse while playing or that I make it worse while playing in the tournament.

It's a hard situation where I'm in a time limit, but I know that healing is the priority.

When it comes to an injury where you have to be better pretty quickly, then there's only one thing you can do:

Hold back.

Don't do anything strenuous, don't try to jump into something to quickly and don't be afraid to sit something out.

I'm actually currently writing this from a laser tag place, I'm not playing, but I came here to be with the group I was coming with.

I hate not being able to play, but I know healing is the main priority and that I have to hold back on this.

I'm still with the group, I'm still having fun, but I know that I can't do everything that they are, and that's okay

I didn't feel like a loser while waiting for them, I don't feel as though I was wasting my time because I did enjoy myself even though I had limits that others didn't.

I knew that I had to be careful and take care of myself, so that's what I did.

There's absolutely no shame in taking care of yourself and backing out of activities.If anything, it says a lot about yourself and proves how much you will take your recovery into your own hands.


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Something Bigger Than Us

Today's been a pretty special day seeing as it's my parents 20th wedding anniversary.

Although they both had their own things to do today -my dad had to work and my mom was out helping my grandmother- they were going out to dinner together.

I wasn't expecting my dad to open the door to our basement when he got home from work and yell down to ask me where I wanted to go for supper.

It's their anniversary, not mine! They should've gone out just the two of them for a date night like I originally thought that they were going to do.

I thought that it would be only the three of us because my sister often goes out with her friends after work and my parents and I have gone out without her on many occasions, but my parents said that we were going to wait for my sister to get home because she would be coming out with us.

My sister and I never really get on that well. 

Sure, we have our sister moments where everything is fine, we get along and talk to each other, but most of the time we stay clear from each other or argue. 

Definitely when we're out in public, when know when to draw the line, so usually we don't really talk to each other then either. 

Today though, we put our differences aside for our parents.

It wasn't something that we discussed and agreed on, but it was something that we knew needed to happen.

Admittedly, we put our parents under a lot of stress with all of our jobs, last minute plans, arguments, etc., so we had to do something nice for them, especially today.

In the end, family is something bigger than us and sometimes you'll have to make small sacrifices to make other family members happy. Sometimes you'll have to make compromises on something that you're not all that happy about for a better end result.

We can't pick the family that we have, so you learn quickly that family can be about compromises and sacrifices for others because family is there to stay whether you like it or not. It doesn't have to be about parents and siblings alone, it could be about aunts, uncles, cousins or anyone that you define as family.

Overall, happy 20th anniversary mom and dad, I love you guys.


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Fear And Regret

Admittedly, I didn't write a post yesterday like I usually do. I don't have any reason as to why other than the fact that I didn't really know what to write about.

There hasn't been anything extraordinarily different in my life to write about, and I was at a lack of inspiration for a post.

I went to bed slightly frustrated with myself that I couldn't think of something to write about, but I realized that you can't set a fixed time for inspiration for something. If you do, it probably won't turn out the way you want it to, so it's okay to wait for that inspiration to hit. 

My inspiration for this post hit me today when I was texting a friend and he was telling me that he was nervous and scared to go to a camp that goes for a few weeks and that's a 15 hour drive away/2 hour flight away from home.

I could understand why he would be scared and nervous; he's going alone, there's no one that he already knows going with him. If I were in his shoes, I would be terrified to do it. He's quite courageous to be doing it, honestly.

Having been in that situation myself with a different scenario, I told him what I thought.

I told him that being nervous and scared to go is normal, who wouldn't feel that way? I said that he would certainly make friends. He was still a little hesitant, saying that he supposed that that was true.

Finally, I told him something that helped me figure things out for myself.

I told him that he'd regret if it he didn't go.

Yes, he would be home with the people that he knows, he would be with friends, but he would always wonder what would happen if he didn't go.

While texting I said "You might be scared now, yes, but will you regret not going because fear is holding you back? Probably," and he agreed.

He said that he would regret it and told me that that's a good way of thinking about things.

I gave the advice that I was too scared to follow myself, so I changed that.

As some of you may know, I've had a choice to make: to stay at my current school which is French or change to the local English High School.

Although the English school seemed like the better choice, I was terrified to make the official decision, terrified to regret it. After thinking about it, I realize that I will most likely regret the choice I never took. 

I don't want to live my life that way.

I don't want to regret anything, I want to try everything. Not everything is my cup of tea, I realize that, but how can I find that perfect brew if I never try it? Sure I might have some unpleasant tea at times, but that's how you find the perfect brew.

I decided to follow my own advice and I'm going to the local English high school.

Fear is associated with regret, the go hand in hand, you'll feel one or the other at times.

Just because you fear something though, doesn't mean you regret it.

Don't hold back on something because you're scared of regret. If you don't try it, you'll regret that too. Might as well try something and know that you regretted it.

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Things We Need To Tell Ourselves More Often

As humans, we need feedback to learn. No matter what the case is; whether it's in sports performances or work performances, we need someone to give us constructive criticism to improve in whatever field we're performing in.

Usually, you won't hear negative feedback. People tend to only give you criticism on a specific field when they want to help you improve. They care about you and they want to make sure that you reach your full potential. When they give you constructive criticism, it's a good thing. They'll highlight something that you are doing well and remind you to do something specific to help you reach your full potential. They tell you how to improve something to build you up, not tear you down.

Constructive criticism is a great thing, yet it's not always constructive/positive. 

We usually go to get constructive criticism from someone who is in a higher rank than ourselves, so for an example as a sports player, I'll look for feedback from my coach. As a new employee, I'll look for feedback from someone who's been working there longer than I have or even my manager.

Although getting feedback from someone else, I find that no one is harder on ourselves then us ourselves.

People tend to be hard on themselves for different reasons. 

Some might do it because they didn't feel loved/praised enough. If their parents would brush off ever accomplishment that they did, they would work hard and criticism themselves to make everything perfect just to hear the praise that they deserve. 

They might feel as though they haven't accomplished anything great in their life and will work and criticism themselves until they feel as though they've done something great.

They could be hard on themselves because they feel useless or have been wrongfully led to think so. They don't feel happy with anything that they've done so they criticism themselves harshly until they feel successful enough.

After thinking about that for a little bit today I realize that they're so many things that people should hear every once in awhile, or even everyday, that they don't often hear. 

Here are a few things we need to tell ourselves more:

1) Things don't change overnight.
Whether you're trying to change the way you do something sports related (for say, changing your technique on mechanics) or change the way you look to be happier with your body, that change will come. Changing things takes time and that's often something we forget. It's okay to get frustrated every once and awhile, but we must remember that things change a different rates, so do not feel bad if you can't accomplish something for a set date. If you happen to miss your goal by a set date, that's okay! You're human! Set a new date and work towards that goal instead of getting yourself down and beating yourself up.

2) Everyone makes mistakes, I'm not the only one.
Some people feel as though that as soon as they make a mistake, they're suddenly pathetic. 
That's not the case.
As much as you probably don't believe it or as much as you doubt it, everyone makes mistakes. Our friends, parents, teachers, role models, strangers that you see on the streets, everyone. Everyone makes mistakes. It's possible to make a mistake on a basic math question, but hey! That happens! Mistakes happen and you learn from them. They aren't the end of the world; if anything, they make us more determined to do better. They shouldn't eat at you until you tear yourself apart.

3) I can't control this, so I'll work with it.
If there's somewhere you need to be at a set time, yet you're stuck in traffic, there's no point in worrying and stressing over it. Traffic is something out of your control, it's not your fault, so don't make yourself believe that it is. I know people (including myself) who will stress over things out of their control. In situations where you don't have control, work with what's given to you. If you're getting sick and can't risk missing school, go see your teachers and see what you can bring home to stay up to date or go to the store to get things that will make you feel better. You can't avoid getting sick, so do something that will help you during that time.

Those are my three tips for today, maybe I'll make another post like this later on and remind you of three more things that we have to tell ourselves more often.

Something that I want to add in and tell you in case you haven't heard it recently is that I'm proud of you.

Everyone here has gotten to this time of their life in different ways and have had their own challenges. No matter how big or small they are, challenges are challenges and congratulations for surpassing them. I know that sometimes it's hard to do and I'm proud of you for getting here.


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A Few Thoughts On School

Since middle school started, it's never been my favourite thing.

Then again, I don't think that many students do enjoy school.

As I've expressed in my post School and Cameras, I find that some rules are unfair in the school system.

As far as rules go, I can't say I'm all that happy about them.

There's that whole dress code thing which is a little ridiculous because they're quite sexist. Boys can wear muscle tank tops, but as soon as girls wear them, shoulders are suddenly a major turn on for everyone.

And then there's the whole problem that companies don't make athletic shorts for girls that are an appropriate length, therefore I can't wear the only comfortable shorts I own.

Getting a little off track with what I wanted to mainly write this post about, but they're still my thoughts on things involving school.

Now what I wanted to talk about are the classes themselves.

Throughout the years, they teach you things which they build on the following years. I think that's great, that's a good way to go about things.

The thing that bugs me is that most teachers complain about having too much material to teach and they feel as though they're going to run out of time, but why do they have to teach the unreasonable things?

I'm going to specify on what's going on at my school at the moment, but this could apply to you in any subject.

Currently in gym class, we're doing dance and gymnastics.

Like I said before, school tend to teach you something in one year and build on it the following years.

The question I have is why am I still doing dance and gymnastics when I did it back in grade 3?

I understand that I don't have a choice as to what teachers have to teach, but I should have a choice in how I present things.

For my dance and gymnastics module, the last thing we have to do is perform a dance that's roughly a minute long that you and your partner created in front of the class.

Doing that is something I'm extremely uncomfortable with.

I have expressed that I'm really uncomfortable with this to my teacher before, but "because everyone else is doing it, so do I."

Has anyone else approached her with the same feeling about it? I don't know, but if a student is extremely uncomfortable doing something in front of the class, they should be aloud to do it some other way, whether it's in front of the teacher alone or you don't have the whole class intently staring at them while doing it.

If I were to roll my ankle or injure myself in any way in between now and the day that I have to dance in front of the class, then I get a free pass. I don't have to do the dance, nor will I have to make up for it later.

If I were to go up to my teacher and say that I'm extremely uncomfortable, I'll most likely be told that everyone gets nervous yet everyone else before me did it.

I'm sorry, but if something is causing my internal distress, there should be something done about it!

Teachers say that school should be a safe and fun learning environment. If I'm being put into a situation of internal distress, that should be taken into consideration. Something should be done to make the student more comfortable.

Just because I don't have any physical problem such as a broken bone doesn't mean that I'm not struggling on the inside.

With the way the world is going in this day and age, teachers should be trained on how to deal with these types of situations.

Your comfort level is not something to be tossed around with. If something is happen that you're really not comfortable with, try anything you can to find a solution.


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