Choices

Awhile back ago I had course selection at my school, but now I'm wondering if I should still attend the same school.

Where I live, we have two school boards: the English one and the French one.

I'm currently a student under the French school board, which means that all my classes (besides my English class) are in French. If I graduate from that school, I graduate with two first languages, French and English, and I get a bilingual diploma.

I am insanely proud that I see both languages as first languages. I am so proud of my French background that I want my own kids to also learn it. I hear a lot of adults say that one of their biggest regrets in life was not learning a second language, but here I am, a teen thats fluent in both. 

I'm really lucky to be born into the family I was.

Now my main concern with the French school board is that we're only about 450 students through the grades of 7-12 while at the local English high school they're over 900 students with only 10-12 grade levels. 

If I stay at my French school, I'm not guarantee that classes that I want to take because it all depends on numbers.

I honestly don't have much to hold me back there. In reality, I only have two friends who I see outside of school often, so that wouldn't be a problem. I don't plan on going to a French university, so I guess it's not all that necessary to have both languages as first languages on my diploma.

I'm really considering switching schools, but I have to admit that I'm terrified.

I'm scared of the possibility of losing my French, but I'm a French family. Surely I'll speak it at home. I'm also scared of not knowing anyone there. This one is ridiculous because a few girls on my softball team go there and a lot of the swimmers that I used to swim with also go there.

If I do go to the English school, I can take this test which I believe is called the Delphi test and depending on if you pass it, you receive a certificate or something along those lines saying that you are in fact bilingual. It's not the same as graduating from the French school though because it's not also considered your first language; it's your second.

If I end up not liking the English school, I can always go back to the French one!

There is literally nothing preventing me from going to this school, yet I still scared and I'm not all that sure as to why.

This isn't like going to a new school in a new province or country, but I still have the chance to start over a little bit. Of course people will know me there, but I can change all of my classroom habits.

My worry is all physiological and I know that. I just can't help but feel as though whatever choice I make will be the wrong one.

However, I think I do know why I'm scared.

I have the fear of letting a diploma tell me who I am.

I know that I'm bilingual, I know that both French and English are my first languages. But for some reason, I feel as if that won't be true unless I have it on a diploma.

I have a lot of time to make up my mind on the whole school situation thing for next year, that's not my main concern.

I'm really going to have to focus on me and keeping my values. I have to decide what's more important to me: Graduating with two first languages at a school that doesn't offer all the classes I want to take or going to a school where I can get the classes I want and somewhat having to start all over again.

I know I can keep my French no matter what I decide to do. I just want to make the right choice.


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